Delivery's here!
by Xy-Trig
Summary: The entrance of a simple deliveryman with a few spell cards into the life of Gensokyo. Nothing special, really. Comments highly appreciated, especially if you don't think I'm being funny/stupid enough. I will now make one last attempt at making it better. Somewhat. Will likely fail but I won't know 'till I try.
1. Chapter 1

The door slowly creaked open as I pushed it. The doll on my shoulder swayed slightly before returning to position.

"I wish I brought a flashlight." I said. The inside of the house was actually pretty well-lighted, but this comment was made for one reason only.

In truth or in fiction, this was the messiest magician's workshop that I had ever seen. And I could swear that the gleaming implements scattered in piles of junk metal and gadgets from the old country were daring me to touch them.

"Oi, Alice, I might need some directions now." I said. In my ears I could hear the two of them on the other end chattering.

"So this is Marisa's place." Reimu said. I could see her brown head with the red ribbon on it nod in my mind's eye. "It's a dump."

"Yes, there are magical implements all over the floor." Alice said. "I really wonder how she gets anything done like this…" They began to digress.

"Umm… you guys…" I said tentatively, wondering whether I would ever get to come in.

"By the way, Alice, how did you get the doll to show us the inside so well?"

"Oh, it was because this was one of the ones I had Yukari help me build."

"Ummm….." Honestly, I had no idea how they could be so nonchalant about such a thing.

"Oh right, you and Marisa went down to try resolving that too. I always thought she was just in it for the hot springs."

"Yeah, at first she was, but then she heard there was treasure down there and all but forced me to come."

"… Directions please, Alice, or I might end up blowing the whole house apart." I said. "I don't know jack about magical instruments or anything, so help me out here."

Honestly, I didn't know how or why I ended up in this situation. I mean, I knew the what, when, who, and where, but the important questions are usually the ones that never get answered in the anime I watch. Maybe you can make sense out of it.

Delivery 0: A Personal Delivery

_This must be the hundredth time I've done this._

I put my hands in my pockets again. Nothing unusual about it.

I sighed. _Must be the hundredth time for this too._ Today was not a good day for me.

"I guess I deserve it." I muttered to myself as I reclined in my back corner chair. The room was filled with people busily scribbling away at their paper.

All except me.

"This sucks." I said as I stared up at the acoustic tiles on the ceiling directly above me. When we had ended school a few months ago, they had given us a list of books that they "suggested" we read. Being as lazy as I am, I didn't read a single one.

Now I had to write a book report on them. Believe it or not, it was a pain in the ass not to be writing one, because I knew that I could do it if I read the book.

I didn't know when my hands left my pockets, but I put them back in and sighed, letting myself sag into the seat.

_How many times does this make? Not reporting a broken ID, having to run around to buy more things, getting stuck in a class full of people I don't know… man, what a load of things to do this year._

I continued to stare at the acoustic tiles, the airconditioning and the projector, silently running and doing their job despite my melancholy.

Then I looked dreamily out the window of the door that was very close to me, on my right.

_I've got so many problems…_

I sighed again.

_It would be better to just disappear._

The foolish boy's idle wish was heard.

And it became a sort-of reality.

The first thing I noticed that was horribly different from my comfortable plastic chair in the back of the classroom was that it was warm.

Warm and damp.

Warm and damp and noisy with crickets.

Only then did I open my eyes and see the plains roll out in front of me. A bit to my left was a packed dirt road which I could only assume led to a village. In the distance I could see a few mountains.

_This is a pretty crazy dream._ I thought. I stood up and took a better look around. Indeed, there was a village, but it was farther down a small hill. Behind me appeared to be a deep forest.

"Hey, a human, a human, let's play~!"

I turned in the direction of the voice. It was a small girl with blue hair, blue eyes, blue clothes, and all around looking very blue in a happy way.

Did I forget to mention the six wings that looked like ice crystals and the fact that she was flying? Whoops, throw that in.

"What." _After all those video games I played and all the time I spent fantasizing and daydreaming about stupid events happening to me, all I can say in the face of one is a flat "what." Shameful._

She waved her hand, and I felt the temperature around the area go down a few degrees.

"Okay, your turn!" She said.

Normally I had no fear of cold.

But this girl had caused it with her bare hand.

I ran into the forest, away from the village. I definitely needed help, both physical and mental, but I was pretty sure that an ice fairy would be beyond the capabilities of a village of normal humans to take on.

"Hey! Don't run away from me!" She yelled and easily weaved between trees to chase me as I pathetically attempted to flee on foot. "I'm gonna freeze you for this!"

I took a hard left turn and ran back the way I came for three steps, then turned to the right. If I had been watching myself in an anime I would have derided my own actions as worthless, but right now it seemed better than just running straight and waiting for her to catch me.

"Huh! Where'd he go!" I heard her tomboyish voice cry out.

I reached into my pockets to look for a weapon or a distraction. I felt my wallet in my left pocket and my tarot cards in my right.

_Wait, I didn't bring my tarot cards today! Ha! This must be a dream! So if I play with her I might get out!_

"I'm over here!" I yelled. "He~ey!"

The blue girl turned to look at me.

"Oh, there you are." She said intensely. She looked somewhat peeved that I had run. "Now let's play!" She threw a white cloud at me.

I sensed more than felt the intense cold that mist had in it, because it hit an invisible wall.

"Hey, who's interrupting my play time!" She yelled at the sky. "Get out here, you!"

"I'm here, I'm here, little ice cube!" I turned in the direction of the voice.

The first thing I saw was the hand, forming the shape of a gun with the thumb and forefinger. I followed that arm to the shoulder. From there below the girl was clad in a black coat and apron, the garb of a traditional western witch. Above that was a mane of golden hair that looked like it had just been thrown about carelessly in the wind, golden eyes, and a reckless-looking smile.

_That seems kind of familiar; where have I seen that before…?_

"Hey, don't steal my toy!"

"He doesn't have spell cards, idiot!" The blondie didn't lower her hand.

"Don't call me idiot!" The blue-haired girl yelled.

I felt as if invisible walls had come down around the two of them. The blondie turned to me.

"Get out of the boundary, things are about to get nasty!" I nodded. "Thanks!" I replied, and ran outside the boundary back into the trees. After a few seconds I turned back.

And I just stood there.

It was quick, almost fleeting in fact. But it was a wonderful typhoon of color, light, and sound. The blue fairy started off by firing a random stream of rainbow-colored bullets that covered the screen and froze them. She then started to fire off blue bullets, then the frozen bullets unfroze and charged around in random directions.

And the black-and-white witch deftly evaded them. Weaving, ducking, diving, climbing, her every flying movement was aimed at evading every attack.

"Did you really think this old trick would work?" She asked. "Idiot!"

"Only idiots call people idiots, idiot!"

I looked at the battle again. Through the huge streams of ice and broken shards I saw the words near the top of the boundary.

"Freeze Sign: Perfect Freeze…" I read it out to myself.

And suddenly I remembered exactly why this seemed so familiar.

This was _that game._

That game had dragged me down into the depths of the internet. _That game_ was the second to bring me down into depraved fanboyism.

That game was Touhou. Set in a world called Gensokyo, it chronicles the whimsical adventures of a huge cast of little girls who are actually superpowerful beings with the mental maturity of ten-year-olds with a toy.

"I must have E rank Luck to deserve this." I looked at the sign again. If I remember right, it was Cirno the Ice Fairy's signature spell. Suddenly, it disappeared.

It was replaced with "Love Sign: Master Spark."

"Oh shit."

Those were the only two words I could say before the rainbow-colored light bathed everything.

Of course I knew it was coming. In the other world, this had been my favourite spell card along with my favourite character. To be honest, I didn't really think that it was possible.

But the Ordinary Magician Marisa Kirisame had just fired a Master Spark in front of me. And I was in Gensokyo.

As of right now, common sense is worthless.

I just stood there.

The blond girl came down to meet me. On instinct, I decided to pretend to know nothing.

"What… was that?" I asked.

"That was a spell card." She smiled while explaining. "It lets us fight without actually hurting each other too much. See?" She pointed at the ice fairy, who had already gotten up.

"I'll get you for this!" She made a face and flew off in a huff.

"I'll be waiting." The witch smirked. "You, on the other hand, have a lot you need to learn. You're holding onto magic without even knowing it, after all."

At this point normally I would have said "What!" but at this point anything was possible. Instead, I responded with "Where is it?"

"You're not shocked?" She asked.

"Believe me, after today, I don't think I'll ever be surprised again."

"If Cirno's a shock, then you're in for a long day." She said. "Oh, that's right, introduce yourself."

"Why are you telling me to introduce myself!" It was just an extremely strange demand.

"It's common courtesy, isn't it?" She asked.

"Victor Hunter, formerly a student but now just surprised." I said.

"Marisa Kirisame, ordinary magician and professional thief." She responded. "You don't seem to be able to use your magic, so let's fix that…"

She grabbed my right pocket, let out an "aha!" and pulled out the cards that had appeared there.

"These are yours, aren't they?"

"Yeah." I said.

"Good." She said. "If you ever get in trouble, just lift one up; any one will do."

"Umm… okay?"

"Next, you'll have to learn how to fly." She said. "Actually, there's no learning involved, just jump and wiggle your shoulders and you should be fine."

"What!" I yelled. "If it were that easy, I'd have flown to school in the other world!"

"It only works in Gensokyo." She said. "We're a pretty unique place."

"No kidding." I said. "Well, no way to learn but to try."

With that I kicked off the ground.

And then I was hovering. Instinctively my shoulders went up in surprise.

So did I.

"Now practice. See that village over there?" She asked. She was up in the air too, sitting lightly on her broom. She was pointing towards a set of brown roofs. I nodded.

"That's a safe place for people who don't know anything like you." She said. "See you, idiot." With that she flew off at a speed I would have considered impossible.

_What a day._ I thought. In my mind, my middle finger moved to where the up arrow would normally be. I shot forward.

_Looks like I'm still playing the game after all._

Delivery 1: To Start Off…

I arrived in thirty minutes. Which was totally new for me because the village was almost over the horizon, and I was used to walking. I smiled at the thought as I arrived at the village with the brown roofs and the dirt road. It was crowded, being the middle of the afternoon, just when it was light enough to see and late enough for it to be cold. The streets were crowded with all sorts of people. There were hawkers on both sides of the street yelling out about snacks, little toys, and other such things. There were also more serious-looking shops, and some that were so run-down that they looked like they would collapse if you so much as came in. I barely felt as if I was noticed at all in the crowd, despite my white shirt and slacks.

_How does this even work? I mean, I've never spoken a word of Japanese and I'm clearly surrounded by native speakers who are still speaking, but why can I understand their conversations at all?_

"That's because you belong here now." A voice came from my left. "You have to live here now." Naturally, I turned.

There was a girl there. She had a purple dress and a parasol unfolded, above her.

Half of a girl, anyway. The other half was buried in what I can only describe as a hole in the world, with an innumerable number of eyes staring out of it. They were large, red, and menacing, reminding me of an anime I had watched with something called the "Law of Equivalent Exchange".

But all that was irrelevant as the elegantly-dressed woman continued speaking. She had blond hair, and now that I looked closer her hands seemed to have those thin, Victorian-era gloves.

"Anyway, it's a bother to explain here in the middle of the street." She said. She lazily waved her hand and opened another one of the tears in the world. "Go on in."

At this point, I knew better than to argue. I walked into it. Right after, I found myself in a tatami room with a girl writing furiously on the desk. She looked up and, upon seeing me, gave a smile.

"You must be new here. Sit."

I walked up to her table and sat down. Somehow, I could understand the words that she had written down. The characters were still in Japanese, but the meanings came out in perfect English.

"My name is Hieda no Akyuu." She said. She had purple hair and was quite short. She seemed young, yet she was studying quite seriously. "I am the eighteenth generation of the Akyuu clan."

All this, combined with the traditional Japanese garb, was quite difficult to take in. But then again, I was both forearmed and forewarned. I quickly responded with an "It's a pleasure to meet you."

_And I used to think playing too many games wouldn't come in handy._

After that, and as the tea from our respective cups slowly ran dry from sipping, she explained everything. Gensokyo, spell cards, things I should and shouldn't do, and what had happened here. Of course, there was still one question on my mind.

"Thank you for your help, but I have something I need to ask." I said. "After all this, why is there no talk of me being sent home?"

"Oh, that's simple." Akyuu said. "Even if we were to send you back, nobody would remember you. You don't exist there, and you belong here now."

I gulped.

No game could have prepared me for this.

"Thanks." I said, and stood up abruptly and left.

But that thanks was perfectly hollow. She had said I could stay with her for the night.

If I came back tonight, that was.

I walked through the dark town with a cold deeper than the night around me on my shoulders. Every street seemed like a curse, every step a weight on my soul. I could hear cries of "That's enough, children!" and "Stop yanking on my umbrella!", but they didn't mean anything to me. The heavy walk continued.

I saw a man come in, injured. His arm was broken. He looked like he had recently been running for his life. A large contingent of men had come out to help him. Quickly, I ran to the gate. A boar seemed to be ready to charge. It was huge, and if it were standing up it would probably be equal with my height and certainly stronger than I was.

"Tch, it's one of those beasts gone crazy." A large, middle-aged man wearing work clothes held a spear in his hands. "I'll get him." He circled around the beast carefully. They measured each other up, getting ready to charge.

They were ready to go at any second. They were still circling menacingly when it happened.

The man's legs caught on each other. He tripped. At the same time, the boar charged.

My hand was in my right pocket before even knowing it. Without trying to say it, my voice rang out.

"The Arcana is the means by which all is revealed… Show me my fate!"

With that I drew a card.

The Page of Swords looked back at me. I stretched out the hand that held the Page and a sword exited. It was a European broadsword, straight and about as long as my forearm and half of the distance to my shoulder. I felt the weight of the sword on my hands, but it didn't change what instinct told me to do.

I was already rushing towards the boar. Sensing its new opponent, it turned and rushed me.

_Come on, gaming, don't fail me now…_ I thought as the boar charged me down. I ran towards it.

Right. Left. Right. Left. Right. The boar was right in front of me, ready to gore me. It jumped, as if reveling in anticipation of the kill.

I turned my ankle. My entire body moved to the side and I brought the sword up, cutting at the neck of the boar.

Thanks to its downward falling movement, it was a perfect cut. I felt the warm blood through my clothes. I saw the crimson on my sword and I saw the body fall to the ground. With a hiss, the sword dissipated as I put the Page of Swords back into my pocket.

What happened after would be an eternal shame to me.

Right there, in front of the crowd, after winning a war, I fainted dead away.

When I woke up, I was still in my bloody clothes and I was lying in a large room, with many cushions and couches. I had a feeling that this was one of the large families in the area.

"You're awake." Hieda no Akyuu's voice. There was no mistaking it, I had been hearing it all day.

"Sorry for imposing." I said. I took off my bloodstained shirt and undershirt. For some reason the Star card was in my hand.

"Give me your shirt." She said.

"Starlight, cleanse my robe." With that, the stains seemed to disappear along with the dirt, and I put my shirt back on. "Never mind that. Is the injured man going to be alright?"

All of the above was done almost automatically.

"Yes, and Mr. Kirisame is too." She said.

"Who, that guy with the spear?" I asked. "Kind of old to be that little witch's husband."

"That's her dad, and I'd prefer it if you don't mention one around the other." She said. "It's better all around." There seemed to be an important family matter there. After a few seconds of silence we spoke again.

"So, if it's not too much trouble, can I impose on you tonight?" I asked.

"We already agreed on that." She said. "But those cards… may I see them?" I reached into my right pocket and handed over my cards. She looked them over, one at a time. Then she nodded and gave them back.

"So did you find anything out?" I asked.

"Not a clue." She said. "You'll have to go to a real magician for that."

"Wonderful." I said. "Looks like I'm done for tonight."

"Not quite. Mr. Kirisame wants to see you."

"Where?"

"I'm right here, kid." A gruff, blunt voice, and the large, bald man with the spear opened the door. I stood at attention. "Thanks for that."

"I'd tell whichever one of my split personalities that did it, not me." I said. He laughed heartily.

"Kid, I run a bit of a merchant business, and I know you're new here, so how about coming to work for me?" He asked. "I'll run you slow for the first few days."

"No, I couldn't." I said. "That injured guy was wearing a uniform with your name on it, so you're short a man. I'll do what he did."

"Are you sure you wanna go outside?" He asked. "I mean, delivery's great and all as long as it's bright out, but there are the beasts and the youkai to consider... choose wisely, kid."

The only part of that I understood was that it was dangerous.

Dangerous means powerful.

Powerful usually means intelligent.

Which means they might be able to help me understand how and why I got to this point.

"I'll take it." I said. "There's something for me out there, and I'm going to find it."

"Alright, kid, but remember, you said it." He smirked as he told me. "Seven sharp tomorrow morning, be ready at the gate. I'll give you an easy first run. I'll have your uniform ready too."

"Much obliged. Thanks, boss." I saluted. He told me to sit down and have a rest before he left. Before he completely closed the door I heard him tell Akyuu "I like this kid."

I smiled. _You won't be liking me for more than a month, pops, because I might not be here that long._

After all, in a world this big, there was bound to be someone who knew how to help me…


	2. Delivery 2: Spell Card Battle!

Delivery 2: Spell Card Battle!

The dirt path leading into the plains near the village was wide and well-packed. It had been flattened enough by being worn out from the hooves of horses and the sandals of people, and it served its purpose well.

It was also the path that saw me out on the first day of one of the most dangerous jobs in Gensokyo, given to only those who could adequately defend themselves. At the very least, they had to be able to fly and to resist an attack from a youkai enough to get away, even if it was jokingly. They were more powerful than they themselves knew.

So that was why only the bravest and the dumbest people in the village, namely me, were joining the Kirisame Delivery Corps. The last guy had submitted his resignation from Eirin's clinic, and although he thanked me for saving his life, he left me to do all the deliveries alone.

_Smart man. _I thought. _He knows his stuff._

Even as I thought that, I also knew that there was no way but forward for me. I had been labeled the "King of the Cards" in the local newspaper that nobody actually read. Someone had apparently gotten a picture of my Swords card as the sword had come from it. There had been a flash of yellow light, and the old, European broadsword had fallen into my hand after that. I still remembered its weight.

But none of that mattered. In front of me, coming up the path with bags of goods on every part of him, was Mr. Kirisame. He saw me and grinned heartily. It was the grin of a man who was about to send his fellow man to work.

"So you really did come!" The old man said.

"Yeah, I'm not one to drop something I've decided to do." I said. "So, what am I going to be delivering, and to where?"

"Seems you can hold your own, Victor, so I'm sending you somewhere easy." He had reached me by this time, and had put down his bags. "This huge pile of groceries goes to the Scarlet Devil Mansion." He said. "It's that big red brick building off near the lake."

I looked in that direction. I could just barely see the outline of a lake shimmering on the horizon. At seven in the morning, it wasn't unnatural for a lake to shimmer like that.

"Anything else before I take off, boss?" I strapped on the bags of various sizes and shapes. One of them had a strap that went over my shoulder, one of them was a backpack, one of them was a satchel, and the last of them was a large crate that was tied up neatly with a string. I floated up to check if I could still fly.

"Don't show off too much, flyboy." He made a knowing smile. "Anyway, I've got something for you to put on. He gave me a coat.

It was black as night, and on the back, in white, was written the kanji for "Kirisame".

"I know it's bad luck for a flyboy like you to get hit by rain, but it's the uniform." He said. "Here's the receipt. Get going!"

"On it, boss!" With those words, I took off for the sky for the second time in two days.

It felt wonderful. The wind was in my hair, the packages I was carrying seemed weightless as I flew through the air.

The ten minutes I took to fly to the mansion were far too short. Most of it was spent going at full speed to enjoy the wind in my hair and the happiness in my heart. I landed neatly in front of a red wall, with a wrought-iron gate in the middle. The mansion was four storeys tall, totally red, and quite large.

_Technically, I do know who lives here, but Hieda no Akyuu and Mr. Kirisame have done a lot more than in the actual game._ I thought. _These people could be completely different..._ As I walked forward towards the gate absentmindedly, I heard a voice.

"Cirno, didn't I tell you not to beat down people without spellcards?" A tall girl in a cheongsam with red hair was chastising the blue ice fairy that had tried to freeze me yesterday. "Playing with them will be really boring."

"But he was weird! He felt like he had magic!" The little blue girl yelled to object.

"Still, that's not fine." She said. "You should only take on opponents who have spell cards, okay?"

"Okay..."

I approached the two. They turned to look at me.

"Excuse me, I'm here for a delivery to the Scarlet Devil Mansion and I was wondering, where's the person in charge of the gate?"

"That's him!" Cirno declared. "I challenge you to a spell card battle right now! You can't hide your power from me, it was in the Bunbunmaru!"

"Gladly, but business comes first." I said. "Could either of you call out the mansion's gatekeeper?"

WARNING: SPELL CARD BATTLE BEGIN.

"Wait, what!"

"I'm sorry for Cirno's rudeness, please bear with it!"

Freeze Sign: Perfect Freeze

"I'm going to beat you right now, you weird human!"

"Well, I needed to learn these cards sometime." I said, and shrugged off the packs, placing them neatly outside the Spell Card Barrier. "I won't let myself be upstaged by some little girl! Bring it on, you baka!"

"Only idiots call other people idiots!" She said, as she released icy bullets all over the bounded field. The cube-shaped space quickly filled with icy bullets. They didn't look at all threatening. I knew, however, that each one of them was potentially deadly. With this in mind, I kicked off the ground, holding the first card I had drawn in my right hand.

"Seven of coins!" I yelled, hoping that it would work. Seven large red energy balls flew deftly and accurately towards my opponent. She expertly weaved in the white space between them.

"Come on, you have to be stronger than that!" She taunted me from the other side of the ice.

_Oh, so the cards spawn different kinds of bullets._ I thought. And then one of the ice crystals hit me in the chest.

"Ha ha, you lost a life!" She yelled. "You're not so good!"

My opponent froze her bullets. I checked the window in the upper left of my vision. There, I could see my lives and my bombs. I had two lives and three bombs, having been hit unexpectedly. I would have to manage them carefully.

But above that was something I did not expect.

The score counter.

There really was a "score" in Gensokyo. Then I could play for it.

I smiled. I would have a lot of fun with the score meter. In quick succession I pulled out five cards each with both of my hands. Opening them into a fan, I called out their names one at a time. In this time, I had lost another life due to my ineffectual dodging and weaving.

_Harder than it looks in 3D._ I thought. I knew how the game worked, but to actually be doing it was a whole different experience.

"Oh? Maybe I was wrong, you aren't strong at all."

"Ace of Wands, King of Coins, Five of Cups, Three of Swords, Seven of Swords, come forth!" I yelled. I wanted to prove this girl wrong.

Multiple things happened. Daggers appeared in midair, ten of them as the cards decreed, five streams of circular, solid energy bullets came charging down at my opponent, a stream of the big circles came down, while a streak cut across the sky, followed by a host of energy daggers.

"You're strong!" She said. "But I'm the strongest!"

With that, she froze all of the bullets I used to attack. I stared in shock at the five cards left in my hand. Before I could pull one, she stopped me.

"It's no use~! Freeze!" She yelled. Outside, the cheongsam girl was really getting worried.

_I don't die easily, whether it's in the game or in life!_

I pulled a card with my left hand.

It read: "The Magician." I raised it.

"Spell card activate!"

_To melt the snows covering your own heart..._

_Open yourself to this place!_

Freeze Sign: Perfect Freeze had been replaced with Magician Sign: Pyro Jack.

I smiled.

"Now the game really begins!"

What happened next was inexplicable.

Gigantic orange jack-o-lanterns began to rain down. Fire began to follow them. It was truly insane, and I could only stand there in shock. Luckily, I was immune to my own attacks.

The same could not be said for my opponent, who was forced to duck and weave clumsily.

"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!" She yelled over and over. "Where do you even get an attack this strong?" She was hit twice as pumpkins and fire combined to form a wall of attack. And then the banner changed for the last time.

No spell card.

The cards in my right hand were already up. My left was drawing more as I did so.

The icicles and shards my opponent used were already flying towards me.

I charged into the attack, cards waving madly. Knives and spear-tips weaved between the ice shards while the large energy balls went straight down to hit my opponent. Lasers and icy bursts of energy were firing everywhere. Through the intense attacks I saw my opponent face my wall of daggers.

_There! _I fired all of my attacks at that moment.

And the match ended as a ball of ice hit me in the chest. It sent e flying down into the ground.

It hurt. But I didn't seem to have broken anything, and the pain was less than I expected. I fell to the ground. The girl in the cheongsam ran to me.

"You're not bad, mister! Let's do this again sometime!" With that, the ice fairy flew off.

"Hey, are you okay?" She asked. I picked myself up and dusted myself off.

"Yeah, I'm good." I said. "Thanks." I walked towards the bags and picked them up.

"Hey, hey, aren't you hurt?" She asked.

"Nah, I'll be fine." I said. More importantly, do you know how to get into the Scarlet Devil Mansion?"

"Be careful what you say." She said. "What do you want?"

"Argh! All this just for a delivery!" I yelled.

"Oh, a delivery?" She was surprised.

After a bit of explanation, that yes, I really was here only to deliver groceries, she introduced herself.

"My name is Hong Meiling, and I'm the gatekeeper here." She said. "You should've just told me you had a delivery for us earlier."

"Well, I'm a bit of an idiot when it comes to a challenge." I said. "Anyway, thanks for letting me in." With that, I walked in towards the great red-brick mansion. The clock on the tower struck eleven. I noticed a maid with silver hair and fitted out in blue and white come out the door.

"Oh dear, where is that delivery?" She said. "It should be here about now." I looked up at her.

"I'm sorry I'm late." I said. "If you would check the goods."

I don't know what she did, but the next thing I knew she was saying "Very well, you may go." I, not being one to object, flew off with her signature on the clipboard.

Although it would've been nice to be more friendly, I wasn't going to complain.

I arrived back at the village in time for lunch. Mr. Kirisame decided to give me the day off because there weren't any other deliveries outside today.

Delivery 2: Mission Complete.

Ranking:

Mission Complete: 600 pts.

Lost to Cirno: -900 pts.

Left without incident: 100 pts.

No damage to goods: 150 pts.

Total: -50 pts.

Rank: F

Summary: Don't lose to Cirno! She's not the strongest!


	3. Delivery 3

Delivery 3: Grazing.

I woke up on the futon and stared at the ceiling.

I never thought I'd ever live in a Japanese-style house, stare at a wooden ceiling, lie on a futon, or roll onto tatami mats. It's weird. Then again, I shouldn't be weirded out by that; the weirdest part is that Gensokyo not only exists, but that I somehow got into it.

I rolled over, pushed up with my arm, and got up. I tottered unsteadily to the bathroom and began my daily rituals.

"Did you sleep well?" Mr. Kirisame asked. It was a few minutes later, and we were having breakfast. Of course this came out of my pay, but due to the dangerous nature of my job and the large amounts of goods I had to haul, I was paid pretty well.

"Yeah. You've really kept that room in good condition." I said. "So you're sure nobody sleeps there? It's been really well-cared for." I continued.

"It was my daughter's." I pulled back in shock. I had known that, but what shocked me was that he would admit it. "Don't worry, though, she's all grown-up now. She decided to leave and there she went." He said. I nodded.

"Shall we start eating, boss?" I asked. It was my own way of removing the tense atmosphere I had created. Apparently he was already used to the feeling, because he relented.

"Itadakimasu."

"Bless us, O Lord…"

Like that, the two of us each went through our horribly different yet strangely similar pre-meal rituals. We would thank our creators and say a prayer to the heavens before we dined. Soon, the only thing was the sound of chopsticks on plates. He was definitely used to cooking for himself by now, as his food was extremely well-made.

"Thanks for the fod."

"We give you thanks, O Lord, and Mr. Kirisame…"

Again we said our very, very different thanks and applied ourselves to the job at hand.

"We've got two deliveries for you to do today, actually. One of them will take you to the Hakurei Shrine, the other's to some house in the middle of the Forest of Magic. Here's the map." He took out a folded piece of paper and I looked at it. Apparently, the Forest of Magic and the Hakurei Shrine were in different directions from the town, and the Scarlet devil Mansion was another way. They would form a rough triangle if I tried to connect the points. I guess work really starts today.

"It shouldn't take you too long, though, and they should both have the money, so it should be fine." He said. "Here's the stuff for the house in the middle of the woods, come back before you get the goods for the shrine. No way you can carry this much all at once."

"I got it. Thanks." I got ready to kick off.

"Oh, one last thing." The boss said. I turned around.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"There's a reason I keep this delivery corps alive." He said. "If you see her, I want you to bring back my daughter. Her name's Marisa, and she's a witch, from what I hear. And she won't go down without a fight. Find her."

I looked at him for a second. I took this in.

"What exactly happened between you two?" I asked.

He told me to sit down. So I did. We were back at our breakfast positions from this morning.

"This village used to be full of youkai hunters, but since then we've stopped. It's peaceful here this way; the youkai don't hurt us, we don't hurt them. Most of them agree to this." I nodded. "But then, when she was young, Marisa stumbled on a grimoire that I had left over. I was going to burn it, but she studied it, learned how to fly and be a witch. By the time I realized it, it was too late. She had already decided to study magic. I told her that she could study magic or she could leave here, not both. And the rest… well, you know."

I nodded. "I got it, boss." I said, and took off.

I'm gonna need a long chat with her if I ever see her again. I thought as I took off into the morning sky. The air had not yet heated up and the breeze was gentle, but intensified by my speed. The wind was cool on my clothes.

"Hmmm… first delivery… sewing needle and thread, wood, grindstones for carving knives… to an Alice Margatroid." I read the delivery out loud. Oh yeah, she was the doll-maker. Just hope that the fans were wrong; I really don't want to run into the boss' daughter now.

My mind stayed silent as I scanned the treetops for the gray roof of the doll-maker's home.

Fifteen minutes later, after circling back a few times looking over parts of the forest that I thought I missed, I finally found the doll-maker's place. Unsurprisingly, her extremely precise directions for movement would have worked perfectly, had I travelled at the same speed that she did. Unfortunately, though, I didn't, and as a result, I would have spent hours hopelessly spinning around in search for a gray roof had I not looked down.

I had flown just a little too fast, and as a result the house was right below me instead of right in front of me. Unknowingly, I had succumbed to my old reflex of looking to the side when I looked for houses.

It really is all different when you're flying. I thought as I landed at the start of the small, well-kept path to the house. On the outside, a small, blond-haired doll in a blue dress looked up at me. Naturally, I bent down to look at it.

It was very well-crafted. The legs and the arms fit human proportions perfectly. The clothes were just like what a fairy tale would probably describe clothes, a blue dress that was complemented by an apron. The perfect outfit for someone like Alice in Wonderland. It seemed so perfect that the red headband on it was probably just for decoration.

"I put a lot of work into those things, so it's great to see a reaction like that from people." A voice behind me said. I turned around to see a blond-haired girl standing behind me. She had a book in her arms and another doll was floating in the air above her. This doll was different, dressed in purple with long black hair, looking vaguely Tibetan. "Come along, Shanghai." She said, and the doll I had first seen zipped up onto her shoulder.

"Ms. Alice Margatroid?" I asked. "Delivery for you."

"Oh, yes, of course." She said, smiling. "Let me sign for it." I raised the clipboard and brought the bags forward.

"Make sure I brought everything you ordered, miss." I said.

"Oh, no, I have no doubts about that. And don't bother with the 'miss', just call me Alice." She said. "By the way, what's that character on your jacket…?"

"Reads 'Kirisame', Miss Alice." I said. "And I can't stop calling you 'Miss'. It's unprofessional."

"Don't be so serious. Lighten up a bit!" She said, sending one of the dolls zooming straight at my face. "A lot of people here are superpowered and love to play around, and they only treat you like a toy if you get serious, so don't do it, okay?"

I'm thinking that you're one of those people.

"Anyway." She continued. "Who are you and what have you got to do with Marisa?"

"I work for her dad." I said. "Nothing special, really."

"Oh, so that's it." She said. "Well, I'm sure she'd love to see this. Do you have any more deliveries for today?"

Naturally, I was shocked, but I held my composure and silently wished for her not to bring her friend along. Silently in the back of my mind I confirmed that the fans were right.

"Yeah, sure. Well, see you." I said.

"I'll see you later, then." She said lightly. "Oh, and I heard you lost to Cirno, so don't die!"

"Thanks for the concern." I said, half-sarcastically and half-for real. It made me laugh.

But I only laughed a little bit, to cover the quickly rising tension.

I don't know what came over me back there. I thought, as I carried the delivery from the Human Village to the Hakurei Shrine, flying in the opposite direction. Selfish decisions like that usually get you bad ends as far as my experience goes.

When I got back, I had told the boss that I didn't find any clues to his daughter's location as I continued on. We had exchanged some words, he had told me what to expect, and I went on my way.

I'm being totally selfish, but I have to know. I thought. I'm just that curious. I landed. The long stairs to the shrine stood before me. At the top, the red torii gates stood tall, as if challenging me. I remembered the scene from a movie I watched. A long, spiral staircase stood before the protagonist, a large, fat panda, and he had let loose a gem of a line, which I felt compelled to repeat.

"My greatest enemy… Stairs." I said.

And with that, I took the first step. The bags weighed down on me and my legs protested, but I pushed on.

Got to keep exercising; it's bad to let good habits run out.

I am never doing that again. I thought. It had been a full five minutes since I had started climbing the stairs, and I had finally reached the top. I was resting on the red gate that was at the top of the shrine.

"Wow… I never knew flying took so much out of me that simple stairs would exhaust me." I thought, panting. "It should be fine to chill here for a bit." I thought, leaning on the red post.

"Sakuya." A voice said. "You seem to recognize that man." The voice came from farther in, towards the shrine side.

"Yes, Milady, it's the deliveryman from yesterday. So you're here for the shrine maiden as well?"

I looked up. The silver-haired maid from yesterday was holding an umbrella for a short girl that reached about to my shoulder. On the other hand, the silver-haired maid was taller than me, about half a head, but still shorter than the gatekeeper from yesterday.

But the weirdest part was the bat wings coming out of her back. They were not leathery, but rather smooth, actually, and the webs were stretched thin, but just thin enough to be translucent.

"Yes, I'm here for a Ms. Reimu Hakurei." I said. "Would you happen to know where she is?"

"No we don't." The short one said. Now that I looked at her, she was wearing all white, had blue hair, red eyes, and bat wings. The people here are crazy, I thought, as I noticed that the silver-haired maid also had red eyes.

"Come to think of it, you must be an interesting human like her as well." She said, continuing to appraise me. "Not a lot of humans come here, and none of the people I've seen so far have worn a jacket with that thief-witch's name on it."

"Apparently her father is a businessman in the Human Village, Milady." The maid Sakuya interrupted. "And wouldn't it be proper manners to introduce yourself?"

Speak for yourself, I thought.

"Remilia Scarlet, owner of the Scarlet Devil Mansion. Pleased to make your acquaintance." She said. Not being used to hearing such formal words, I bowed in response and said "Victor Hunter, deliveryman. The pleasure is all mine."

"I don't think you're telling the whole truth, Mr. Hunter." Remilia said. "Although Sakuya was very busy inside, I noticed you in a battle with that idiot ice fairy outside, after which you talked to my gatekeeper and she let you in, is that correct?"

"Meiling?" I asked. "Yes, that's true."

"So what kind of magic do you use? I'm curious about such things." She said. "I've been infected by a very intelligent friend of mine who always seems to know better than me."

I smiled. With that, I pulled out the deck of tarot cards and offered it to her.

"Pick the top card." I said. She did. On the card were the number XV and the image of a demon.

"That card is 'The Devil'." I said. "It represents an evil omen, that something dangerous may happen and you should be forewarned. But in this case, it probably only means that you are indeed the Scarlet Devil." I said.

"May I, Milady?" The taller, silver-haired maid asked.

"Of course, Sakuya."

She took a card from the top of the deck. This one I was surprised to see.

"Well that's quite the good card." I said. "That card is 'The World' or 'The Universe'. It represents overcoming the impossible to reach what you are today, or what you wish to be." I looked up at the maid, gauging her response. She looked over at her master and they exchanged a knowing glance before they returned the cards.

"All this is very well, but how does this turn into magic?" The short vampire asked. For an answer I drew the top card on the deck and flipped it.

It was the Page of Swords. Immediately, the long European broadsword with which I had slain the boar exited. I caught it perfectly in midair.

"I don't know exactly how your spell card system works, but these tarot cards' power is very simple." I said. "Their power is to bring the things that are marked on the cards into reality."

They nodded.

"Why do the freaks always show up at my shrine?"

What is it with these people and coming at me from behind? I thought, twirling around and dematerializing the sword.

The person who was apparently the shrine maiden of this shrine was there. She had on a mostly standard miko outfit, only the sleeves were detached, showing off her armpits. Brown hair, brown eyes, red bow, all just a bit below my height. Without a doubt, this was Reimu Hakurei the lazy shrine maiden.

"Victor Hunter. I have a delivery for you—" I began to say, but she cut me off.

"No way!" She yelled. "There is absolutely no way that you can be a normal person making a delivery!" She began to yell. "Making a sword disappear like that out of nowhere, using strange cards, talking to that crazy vampire and her maid like that, you must be some other mischevious youkai or something!" She brought out her stick with the paper squares on it, the gohei. Behind me, Remilia spoke up.

"He's an extremely eccentric human." The vampire said.

"That's even worse!" Reimu said. "Now I have to be responsible if he dies! Hey, you!" She yelled, pointing at me. "I'm not going to be responsible if you die, okay!"

"Wait, wait what!" I yelled. "No, no, no, this is all a misunderstanding!" I began to point and wave my arms frantically. "Why are you all idiots!"

I was glad she decided to attack at that point. Before I could even react, she began her attack. The familiar walls went up, and I threw my goods to the side. I already knew that there wasn't anything fragile in there, so it was good. The stars for lives and bombs came back. The score counter was at the zero mark. Although I didn't notice it at first, the soundtrack began to play. I looked on the lower-right. (BGM: Maiden's Cappriccio)

"The shrine maiden's really going to pick on the defenseless teenager... should we help, Sakuya?"

"No thanks, it would be unprofessional of me!" I yelled.

"Very well. This should be interesting. Sakuya, break out the tea." She said.

Spirit Sign: Duplex Danmaku Barrier.

Oh, I know this from ImpNight. Let's hope it's just as easy as swinging left and right.

At this point, the only thing I could comment on was the density.

Literally walls of specially-marked paper ofudas rushed towards me. They covered every escape, up, down, left, and right. Barriers had formed around me, reflecting every one of the tags back at me before I could even register that I dodged them. One of them grazed my arm, cutting it open.

"Ow, that hurt!" With that, I pulled out cards and started throwing them forward. To my surprise, they snaked between the spell tags and struck her.

"Ow! That hurt!" Reimu yelled. "That's it, I'm gonna stop holding back!"

"You were holding back!"

If that was at all possible, the barriers closed in and the paper came in faster than even before.

Now I know why there was so much paper and ink in the delivery, at the very least.

"So this is all just to see if I can survive a spell card battle?" I asked. "Why even go through the trouble?"

"If you die, it's on my head!" She responded. "Don't you even know what the duties of a shrine maiden are!" She asked.

I was grazed again. I decided to use my one bomb. I pulled out the card. It read XIV, and the four-part pattern on the front blazed into life.

Red, yellow, blue, and black; I'll show you what duty is! With that, I raised the card.

WARNING: SPELL CARD ATTACK: TEMPERANCE SIGN: FOUR LAWS OF DUTY

"Oh, so you can bomb. I thought you were just dodging." She said, genuinely curious.

"Who the hell could dodge that!" I asked. "Anyway!" I yelled, and began the chant.

"First, a duty applies to all of the same profession!" With that, I swung my arm to the left, in front of me. It formed the first line on the inside.

"Second, a duty is a solemn part of the occupation. It is not optional!" I drew my arm down to draw the second part.

"Will you please get on with it?" She asked. Behind her, the vampire and her maid were also getting quite impatient.

"Look, it's not my fault tarot cards have such a long charge-up, okay! Whatever!" I yelled. "Third! A duty must be upheld, as it is one of the most important parts of the business!" The circle formed around the cross.

"Seriously, this is getting way too serious." Reimu said.

"And finally! A DUTY MUST NEVER BE NEGLECTED!" I yelled. "Here we go!"

The magic array was completed. It glew yellow.

"Fire." I gave the one command. My opponent was ready to move.

It fired a huge yellow flame out the front. It was a spectacle of heat and light, burning itself into our eyes and skin as it happened. Thankfully, there was no actual damage thanks to the spell card system.

But that was it.

The ray stopped.

My opponent had dodged it completely.

"Well, if you can put out a power blast like that, you have at least some potential." She said, letting down the barrier. I let myself float slowly to the ground, next to the goods. I checked them and took out the clipboard. "It should be fine to let you run around; you're enough to give most youkai enough fun not to eat you. What do you think, Remilia?" She asked, throwing her question over her shoulder.

"Needs practice." She said. "Patch does better when she sneezes, but it was entertaining."

"Milady, he got here all of two days ago." The maid spoke up. "I'm quite frankly surprised that he's alive at all."

Thanks for the compliments. I thought. I advanced towards the miko, packages in hand.

"Sign for these, please." I said. She took the clipboard and scrawled her name on it. "Okay." I said. "Where do you want the goods?"

"Over there." She said, pointing at a small warehouse. I complied, just emptying the bags onto the shelves as I saw fit. I came back to the open grounds.

"Oh, a donation box." I said to myself aloud. "Well, I get paid a lot, so might as well." I pulled out a thousand-yen coin and flipped it in.

I heard the metal ring on wood. I turned around, sensing people looking at me. When I did, I saw all three of the girls, who had been chatting animatedly, look at me.

They just stared.

"What?"

"Sakuya, get Aya." The vampire ordered. "And stop time so that we have evidence."

Without knowing it, my hand, and the rest of me, froze over the donation box. I couldn't describe the sensation of being stopped in time. It was like being forced to look at a picture with no sound. I couldn't move, either. The weirdest part was, I could see leaves blowing across the grounds yet feel no wind. When I came to my senses, there was a girl with black hair in front of me. She was a bit shorter, with black crow wings, a red hat, and was presently taking a picture. Quick as a flash, she drew out a paper and brush before asking "What moved you to donate to this worthless shrine?" before I could even react.

"Ah… um… well… it's just not right for a shrine to get so few donations, you know?"

"Ah! So she played the guilt card!" The reporter smiled.

"No! Why is everybody here an idiot!" I yelled. "If anything, she owes me; she nearly killed me with her Duplex Danmaku Barrier!"

"What do you mean 'nearly killed you'!" She yelled. "That was just a practice shot!"

"Well it's not like you expected me to be good or anything, didja!" I yelled. "Anyway, it's getting past my bedtime, I'm going back. Just put whatever you want in the news." I said. "Bother the miko if you need any more interviews."

As the jumpy little crow girl began to pester the shrine maiden, who looked like she would start another battle with me at the drop of a hat, I saw two black specks coming down from the sky. I waved. They came closer, and I saw the girl named Alice from earlier today. I tensed and flew away as fast as I could. As I passed the witch I knew that she had seen the pattern on my jacket.

_Don't worry. I'll be back to fix this later._

"Oh, she brought the thief with her." Remilia said. "This is going to get quite interesting."

Those were the last words I heard before I sped away.

Far away from the stupidity that was about to ensue.

I returned home only to drop my stuff off.

I had a bad feeling that this would be a long day.

Delivery 3: Grazing. Score:

Mission Complete: 1200 pts.

Lost to Reimu: -1000 pts.

Donated to Hakurei Shrine: 200 pts.

No damage to goods: 150 pts.

Let Marisa see you: -300 pts.

Ditch Alice: -200 pts.

Total: 0 pts. F! You made an epic mistake! Now go fix it!


	4. Delivery 3, Second Stage

Delivery 3, Second Stage: Light of the Stars

I landed back at the village. I handed the old man the payment and he handed me my pay. I was free for the day, he told me. "Come back to the house for dinner, alright?"

No suspicion. No worries. I could go back to work the next morning and not worry about getting caught not telling him that his daughter was within five kilometers of the village gate. All I had to do was go back into town and enjoy myself.

Then I remembered the people here. Their smiling faces as they did even the most idiotic things with pleasure. They smiled at everything, they laughed at everything, they poked fun at everything. Most of them were outcasts and strangers to normal human society, but when they would come into the village, everyone would accept them. Everyone here was innocent.

_Innocent… just like kids._ I thought. _Hmmmm…_

I wondered. When I was a kid, I had never played much, but even I knew the general pattern of conflict. Sometimes kids would be sick, or not in the mood, or something would happen to them to make them cry.

As an older brother, I could testify to this. I hated my little sisters every time they would attack each other, be it with words or with slaps.

But when they were alone and hurting, I felt for them with every fiber of my being.

I don't know what came over me when I turned around and flew back towards the shrine.

In the space of time that I had left and returned, the vampire and her maid were locked in discussion with the shrine maiden and the doll master. I felt awkward just being here.

Noticeably missing were the witch and the reporter. When I landed on the grounds they looked up as if they had been expecting me.

"It's my fault." I said. "Which way's that witch's house?"

"Oh, someone thinks he can be a knight in shining armor." Remilia said. "Let's see just how brave you are, then."

"Here's the situation." I said, ignoring her barb. "I'm worthless at fighting, but at this point, there's no telling what that witch might do. I need to go there and clarify the situation. Will you help me?" I asked.

The shrine maiden and the doll master stayed completely silent while the vampire spoke up.

"If you're so determined, then a good fight shouldn't be beyond you." She said. I felt the barriers come up on every side of me.

"Sudden death. No spell cards. This will be a pure danmaku battle." I nodded. "That way, there's no disadvantage to you."

_Whoever gets in front of the other first loses. A simple game._

"Sakuya, my signal."

"Yes, milady." She said, ringing a bell. It was a soft and high tone, such as the one used at the door of the mansion.

But both of us were already firing, the piano and trumpets pounding "Septette to the Dead Queen" into our ears. I had already decided upon my strategy. Instead of going up like the vampire did, I used my powers of flight only limitedly.

Instead I ran along the walls of the spell card battle. The effect was immediately helpful, as nobody ever thought to cover even the walls.

"You're not bad." She said. She adjusted her hands and the bullets began to fly close to the wall.

But I had been prepared for that. I pushed off and caught myself in the middle. I fired off a small volley of bullets before bouncing off the walls again.

"Psh. You might be good, but your offense is horrible." She said. "This is getting boring."

"Oh, just you wait." I said. "Things are about to get much better." I said.

This was a part of my plan. I would run up, bit by bit, and she would not notice.

The last leap would be the hardest, when I would have to cover half the height of the box in one leap, because any more would be noticeable. But that was in the future. The red bullets of energy came down as mercilessly as before. She fired them in bursts that swept the entire bounded field.

_I have to jump carefully between them._ I thought. _Almost at the cutoff point._

There was the point that I had judged. She fired another volley at me, while I was hovering in the middle again.

_Now!_

Quick as a flash, I pushed my body to the limit, flying straight at the wall legs first. I hit it.

There was no time for pain in the knees as I pushed off again, using my arm to deflect me off of the opposite side of the barrier.

She was there.

Just five meters more.

Now three.

I fired. My life depended on this one shot.

But she was quicker. The red ball of energy slammed into my face.

I had lost again. I had to consciously think of stopping myself from slamming into the ground in hatred of my own failure.

"Well? Have you had enough, vampire?" Reimu asked. The vampire came back down to ground level.

"He's got spunk, but no power." She said. "He'll do fine. Come, let's go, Sakuya."

"Wait!" I yelled. There was one thing I still had to ask.

"Yes?" The maid said. Behind her, her master tapped her wrist where a watch ould be.

"This card." I said, holding "The World" up. "If push comes to shove, can I use it?"

"You have my permission." She said, before flying back. Her master began to yell at her to "serve me tea!" and she took it all with a smile. They left, the master giving orders and the maid merely nodding.

They left me alone with the shrine maiden and the doll master. The sun was low in the sky, still yellow but quite low.

"Are you going to test me too?" I asked them. "Or are you going to help me?"

"You don't even know her." Alice said. "Why would anyone fall in love with Marisa?"

"It's not that. I owe her my life." I said.

And with that, I recounted all that had happened since I had gotten here; the fairy who had attacked me, the job I had taken, the reason behind all of this. Now they agreed to help me.

"Here it is." The shrine maiden said. It was a map with the witch's house on it.

"The place is full of magical implements, so full that only a magician could advise you on how to get through. Alice should go with you." The doll maker was waiting at the gate.

"No. This was my fault, and I'm going in alone." I said. "I'll need a way to get through the magical defenses, though."

"Well, I still have the dolls from the Subterranean Animism incident." Alice said. "Let's use those." We agreed, and I took off. After that, I landed, doll on my shoulder, in front of the witch's house.

And now you know the story of that very first part, which I will repeat here for your sake.

The door slowly creaked open as I pushed it. The doll on my shoulder swayed slightly before returning to position.

"I wish I brought a flashlight." I said. The inside of the house was actually pretty well-lighted, but this comment was made for one reason only.

In truth or in fiction, this was the messiest magician's workshop that I had ever seen. And I could swear that the gleaming implements scattered in piles of junk metal and gadgets from the old country were daring me to touch them.

"Oi, Alice, I might need some directions now." I said. In my ears I could hear the two of them on the other end chattering.

"So this is Marisa's place." Reimu said. I could see her brown head with the red ribbon on it nod in my mind's eye. "It's a dump."

"Yes, there are magical implements all over the floor." Alice said. "I really wonder how she gets anything done like this…" They began to digress.

"Umm… you guys…" I said tentatively, wondering whether I would ever get to come in.

"By the way, Alice, how did you get the doll to show us the inside so well?"

"Oh, it was because this was one of the ones I had Yukari help me build."

"Ummm….." Honestly, I had no idea how they could be so nonchalant about such a thing.

"Oh right, you and Marisa went down to try resolving that too. I always thought she was just in it for the hot springs."

"Yeah, at first she was, but then she heard there was treasure down there and all but forced me to come."

"… Directions please, Alice, or I might end up blowing the whole house apart." I said. "I don't know jack about magical instruments or anything, so help me out here."

For those of you who still think that the witty banter exchanged when going into a fight is just for show, let me tell you: it's not. On the battlefield, witty banter is one of the few things that stands between you and total neurosis. The scares that come from fighting an unknown enemy, the fear of an ambush, the knowledge that you could be killed from a distance and never even know.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is war.

That goes double for me, stepping in between Excalibur Galatine and the Holy Grail, next to the Apple of Eden, which was piled on top of a pyramid of potentially deadly grimoires. Every step was both an introduction to magical history and a course in fear of death. Alice was chattering away into her doll like she was a prerecorded museum earpiece. No, Alice, I do not care to know what date the Apple of Eden was created. No, I do not want to know the names of the fairies that forged Excalibur. And I am most definitely not interested in what you will be having for dinner later.

"Okay, you've reached the stairs. It should be straight going from there."

Those words sent ice into my stomach. Soon, I would be facing the monster that had taken down that ice fairy at the beginning.

I took a step.

And another. The wood made no sound under my shoes. I cautiously took two more as I waited for any kind of sound. Nothing. I repeated this a few more times until I reached the landing.

Still no sound. But I did not exhale. I took my steps carefully to the door. Reaching it, I put my hand on the wood.

"It's not very polite to walk into people's houses." A voice said. It was monotonous, probably on the brink of rage, but being held back by civility. I tuned around. And there she was.

Surprisingly, she was actually shorter than me. The black hat's point reached above the top of my head, and her face was just a few centimeters short of mine. Blond hair, yellow eyes, and no expression. Witch outfit, black-on-white, standard, really.

This was the girl who had saved me from a horrible death by freezing, and now she was looking at me as if exterminating me was her first priority.

_Oh, the irony of it all._

"I think we both know what's going on, so I'll skip straight to the ending." I said. "I'm not here to take you in or anything, just to deliver stuff. It's idiotic and presumptuous of me to get into your affairs, so I'll leave. By all means, act as if I'm not here." I kept my gaze steady. "You can attack me right now, but I will defend myself."

In hindsight, that last sentence was something that should not have been said. I figured out why in the blink of an eye.

The little octagon, the Mini-Hakkero reactor that fired that beam that had saved me, had already been drawn.

"Crap!" I spat, throwing up the spell card battle system. The shrine maiden had given me a special card to use to throw up the spell card barrier.

I barely made it in time to stop the beam of light, sound, heat, and death from roasting me. It expanded to cover both of us and the house, and the rules were set up.

Parameters: Unlimited. Combatants will only be forced to stop when they surrender or their will to fight disappears.

We read the rules. She grinned malevolently.

I, on the other hand, was fuming.

_When I get my hands on that damned lazy miko…_

My thoughts were cut off as a literal galaxy approached me. It contrasted with the sinking red light from the sun.

Magic Sign: Stardust Reverie.

"Mother fuck." I said. The stars were of every color, size, shape, and description, as if the galaxy itself had come to attack me. After futilely trying to find a hole, I began to just throw cards.

Then it happened.

I discovered the concept of "parts that do not count as being hit".

I'm not sure to this day if it applies to everyone, but what happened was that I stepped on one of the stars made out of the light of death and nothing happened. I jumped to the next one, and yet I still did not feel anything.

So I ran on the wall of stars, throwing Swords and Coins as I went. When those ran out I began to use the Wands and the Cups. But then it started.

The hellish creation called "laser". They were absolute cheating. She used the light from the wall of stars and concentrated it to create lasers. They crisscrossed the corridor, firing left, right, up, down, forward, backward, reflecting off the walls and splitting up at crazy angles, turning the place into a hell of blazing lasers.

"Agh!" I yelled, as I was spotlighted by countless lasers, one after the other, each of which was about as bad as putting my hand on the burning oven. And the worst part was that they lasted, so they didn't stop. She looked as if it was fun for her. I was in pain, but I would not be injured, because of the spell card system.

_I'll kill you with my own bare hands, motherfucker!_ With that thought I raised my burning arm and called a spell.

Emperor Sign: Rage of Valhalla

A tall, imposing man on an 8-legged horse charged into the fray. As he fired lightning bolts he grabbed me and jumped out the window. Behind him came an army of Valkyries, the warriors of Odin, those who "choose the slain". It was them who rushed the battle-mage.

_What the hell did I even call!_ I yelled out in my head as the man dropped me on the field outside. The witch quickly followed me before she had to duck and weave madly.

The reason was the army of valkyries that were attacking her. Some were on horses, some of them using shield and lance, and some of them were going in with broadswords. Some of them were knocked down by the girl's dancing lasers and missiles, but most of them charged through, forcing her to weave in the gaps.

"You coward!" She yelled. "Fight fairly!"

"Leave holes in your danmaku, then!" I countered as it timed out. These people must have some sort of battle sense, because the Emperor Sign was quickly replaced with another spell.

Magic Sign: Non-Directional Laser.

I knew this one. _All I have to do is fly along with the direction that the laser moves, and…_

She started firing. Two sets of lasers. Moving in opposite directions.

"Stop making spellcards that can't be dodged!" I complained.

"Stop hiding what you're getting paid for!" She yelled. The lasers got bigger, and the lasers spread out and bounced from the sides of the arena again.

"Fine, then!" I yelled. I threw off the jacket the old man had given me. "I'm going to do this my way too, then!"

The spell card system has three rules.

Within the spell card system, there is no move that will kill.

Within the spell card system, you cannot use your powers for anything other than danmaku.

Within the spell card system, there can be no physical contact.

Of those three, I was about to break one. I balled my right hand into a fist. I knew there was a reason that that stupid shrine maiden had made the conditions so horrible for me.

_I'm sorry, you two, but I might not be able to bring this girl back to you guys in one piece._

I sucked in a breath and flew straight towards the middle of the lasers. In response to this, the lasers got bigger. I steeled my nerves as I closed in.

_Twenty meters, ten meters…_

The lasers got bigger. They were ready to fry me. I pushed the speed out of my legs.

_Five, three, one!_

"Are you crazy!" With those words, she pushed off, away upwards, and the spellcard changed. "Physical contact is against the rules!"

"Everyone who follows these rules is women, and I'm a man! Damn the rules!" I yelled.

Love Sign: Master Spark

"I'll make you pay for that!" She countered. The Mini-Hakkero was up.

This was the end.

She fired the giant spark of death at me. I could not dodge, I could not block, and I could not stop it.

It was over.

"Y-you're a monster." She said.

"No, you idiot." I told her. "I might now be much closer to blindness, deafness, and being burned all over my body than before, but I can't just let you kill me here. Mostly because you don't want to." I said. On my chest was my sole shield, and a line of small white letters. In my right hand, raised high over my head, was the last of the Major Arcana.

The World.

World Sign: Work of the Messiah

Slowly, unsteadily, I flew up to her, but not close enough to have the reactor emptied into me again. It was already nighttime, but I could not see the stars. We were at an even height. I was looking right into her face. She, on the other hand, was looking down.

"You're your own woman with your own rights. I respect that. I'm not going to take you back to your home by force. And I –am- getting paid for my deliveries, so don't worry about me." I flew back down to the ground and picked up my burnt jacket. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'll get back to what's left of my break."

"Oh, and you should talk to Reimu and Alice over at the shrine. They were worried about you." I said, and bent my knees again. "Well, see you around!" I gave my best deliveryman smile and flew back to the ground to retrieve my jacket.

"Wait!" She yelled. I turned around.

"The World Sign cards allow someone to defy the rules of life and do the impossible." I said, still facing away. "I can't use them if I don't really mean to." I sighed. "If that's all, then I'm off." I kicked off of the hard ground and into the now-starry sky.

There was nothing that I loved more in this world, nothing that I had found more fun in, than to fly.

And I wanted to enjoy at least that much for as long as I could.

_The moon is bright tonight._ I thought, as the light of the sunset that had silhouetted me faded into the black of night. I heard partying from the shrine as I flew stealthily by after I had left the Forest of Magic. I heard the sounds of laughing and drinking, and four different voices. _Looks like the shrine maiden had another visitor. _I thought. _It feels warm, for some reason._ I popped in nearer so that I could see the crazy hair decorations everyone seemed to wear.

One was a red hairband. The other was a red bow. The last was a pointed black hat.

_Mission complete._ I thought to myself before I kicked off the ground again, turning my back on the ground and lazily gazing at the stars.

_The stars are bright tonight. _I thought. _They look good._

With that, I returned to the village. There, the lights were much brighter.

But I couldn't see the light of the stars.

The very next day, I returned to the shrine. I had a delivery for later today, but otherwise I was free. I flew down to the grounds, not being dumb enough to take the steps again.

"How did you know I would be here?" I asked the miko. Behind her was yesterday's monster, the black-and-white. Her head was down.

"Eh." She said. "You wouldn't leave a job undone. Alice should be here in a minute."

At that, the witch looked up.

Straight at me.

I returned her gaze. But there was something different with my right hand.

Without knowing it, I had already drawn a set of five. Across from me, the girl was already surfing on her broom, ready to start.

"You owe me a rematch. That last card was cheating." She said. And as she said this hse smiled, wide enough to make me fear for the safety of her face. Infected by the sight, I smiled.

"Alright, have it your way! Let's dance!"

Before either of us moved, the barrier was up and the bullets started flying.

But even in this blinding, deafening hell, there was something that I had found in few other places.

I could see the light of the stars.

Delivery 3, Second Stage: Light of the Stars. Score:

Survived a full-on battle with Marisa: 1000 pts!

Horrible injuries: -999 points!

Total: 1 point! Amazing, you actually got a score above zero this time! (still an F, though).


	5. Delivery 4: The Perfect Prison System

Delivery 4: The Perfect Prison System

"That looked interesting." She said. The girl was dressed in purple, with her fancily knitted cap and flowing blond hair. She held up a parasol and was tall, the picture of a perfect queen and elegant lady, not the hands-on heroine image that Remilia put out. She also had the thin gloves that were usually seen at balls and the opera, and had a striking figure, not at all concealed by her large dress.

She would have been the Belle of the ball if she was not half-inside an uneven purple tear in the universe, with red, bloodshot eyes staring out of it. The shrine maiden, being used to the sight, was already fine with this.

"He came over a few days ago." The miko said, completely relaxed. "He's just a delivery boy."

"With spell cards, and strong enough to take on Marisa?" The lady answered, stepping out of the purple tear in the world which closed behind her. "I might not have a high opinion of her, but I know power when I see it."

"That's bothering me too, Yukari." Reimu said. She sighed. "Being a miko is too much work."

"I'll keep an eye on him because he's interesting. Thanks for the snacks." She said.

"Oh yeah, sure… what!" Reimu said.

But by then the gap maiden had already stepped through her boundaries. When the miko checked her cupboards, the best and sweetest of her snacks were already missing.

"I'm going to get you for that, Yukari."

And as the shrine maiden assumed an expression more fit for demons than humans, we take our leave. After all, they were recounting an event that took place entire minutes ago. At this point, Marisa was already off to steal more books and Victor had to go on a delivery. Alice had not shown up, probably being engrossed in the creation of another doll. So let's follow our failure of a protagonist who has fun losing spell card battles mercilessly!

_Yeah, that time when I came in really was weird._ I thought to myself as I flew back to the village again. _Why was I singled out?_

The reason these thoughts had occurred to me was simple. There had been other outsiders, or, at least, people who looked like outsiders, but none of them had been accosted by the parasol-woman. Also, I was quite sure that the house of whatever-her-name could certainly not hold that many people.

All in all, that first day had been very odd. Never mind that witch treating me as if she knew everything already, she was odd anyway. Those other two people, on the other hand, were way too much.

_That parasol woman Yukari is supposed to know everything, and that Akyuu girl is supposed to be more fiery, and definitely less trusting. _I thought. _The hell?_

But there was no time to worry about that. As I arrived on the ground, an unexpected sight greeted me, another reminder that I was far away from the safety of my own home.

Newspapers rained down from the sky. It appeared to be a low-rent tabloid, because nobody was reading the front page. They seemed to be collecting it just to get it off the streets and use it as fuel for the fire later. On a whim, I picked one up. Most of the reporting was about things that didn't concern me or anyone at all, like the kappa's newest invention story on the front page, where they showed off something that looked like it had been pulled of mech musume manga. I began to lazily leaf through the pages. Occasionally, there would be an article that was obviously false but well-written, and I had to smile at the quality of the writer. The tone was clear, concise, yet tinged with its own brand of humor.

_And they said I was one of the good ones._ I thought to myself. _If I could write half as well as this for class, I'd be top of every activity._ Slowly, I leafed to a section that said EXTRA. _All caps, so it must be dangerous_, I thought, as I opened the paper. I recall to you, to the best of my memory, the piece that ran there. I apologize in advance to any journalist who reads this.

_Yesterday, late in the afternoon, an attempt was made on the life of the Hakurei Shrine maiden. Using the roundabout method of attempting to kill her with shock, the murderer made a large donation to the Hakurei Shrine! Shocking news! Fortunately, through the valiant efforts of two witnesses, Ms. Remilia Scarlet and her maid, Ms. Sakuya Izayoi, the perpetrator was caught._

_However, the day was not over for the killer, as he returned to the shrine later that day and made another attempt on the life of the miko. Truly an evil, irredeemable soul! With luck, the witnesses were still visiting and quickly chased the killer from the scene! _

_The day was not done, as the killer was confirmed breaking and entering a house in the Forest of Magic! The owner of the house, Ms. Marisa Kirisame, was ruthlessly assaulted in a spell card battle! She was able to fend off the invader, however, her house was damaged in the attempt on her life._

_This newspaper published this on the EXTRA page in order to warn the public! There is a murderer in our midst! Be on your guard! He is confirmed to be posing as a deliveryman, claiming to be from the Human Village! Be on your guard!_

_~by Aya Shameimaru, chief editor of the Bunbunmaru._

I stared at the article for a few seconds after I finished reading it. The people seemed to look at me for a second as they walked by. I heard some of them talking to each other, saying things along the lines of "someone actually reads that?" When I was done, people were walking away from me.

They looked like they had seen a demon. Much harder than I usually do, I kicked off the ground. I imagined the shonen manga characters of my youth blasting a crater in the ground with just a kick. In my mind, the normally wandering and chaotic trains of thought that ran there coalesced into one.

_What the hell! I don't deny that it's always been weird to donate to that shrine, but since when was that a murder attempt! I mean, I attacked them, but they're not dead or even injured! I was the one who got owned three times in one day! _As these thoughts continued, they slowly solidified into three.

_Finish delivery. Find Aya. Murder her._

Before the boss could even speak I had already thrown open the door and asked the old man for the job.

"I've got a big stack of ink and a new notebook for the Bunbunmaru newspaper here. Oh, you don't know where that is?"

"No, I don't." I said. Underneath my polite façade, my train of thought continued.

_This delivery is to the Bunbunmaru. I will blow apart every part of that office if I have to._

"It's over here." He indicated another area, in another direction entirely from my past delivery. It was at a place called "Youkai Mountain". I also saw a few other landmarks, such as the Moriya Shrine. I was quite sure that there was more but it's hard to remember the directions or anything else when everything in your mind is saying _let's kill that reporter dead_.

Now that I realize it, I have not yet described the map that Mr. Kirisame had. It is a work of art. The paper might have been yellowing and the descriptions faded, but it was an accurate depiction of all of Gensokyo. In fact, it would have been put up in a library where I came from. But I digress from my single-minded desire to kill a certain reporter dead.

I kicked off the ground. I'm pretty sure I saw someone I knew fly past me, but I was feeling the effects of my self-inflicted Mad Enhancement. My speed tore at my body, and I went at the absolute limit of my endurance. It felt good to fly this fast, but right now it was just a distraction. From on high, I saw the target. There was no wind.

Only the "Ride of the Valkyries" rang in my ears.

I landed in front of the Bunbunmaru. It was not much larger than the boss' house, but there would be no mercy given, no matter how far this evil empire had shrunk over the past years. I had come here to kill the slandering demon that had tarnished the name of your average deliveryman. As I tried to enter through the gate, a white-haired girl with dog ears approached me.

"Can I help you?" She asked. I could see that she had business here, and that she had a sword, which could only mean one thing.

I would have to kill her, too.

"Yes, you can, noble swordswoman." I said, adopting my best samurai voice. _After all, when in Rome…_ "Let me through to your lord, or you will suffer my sword!"

"Huh?" She said, but I had already drawn my two cards, the Page of Swords and the Two of Swords. As I did this, I sized up my opponent.

Contrary to my original estimation, my opponent actually had wolf ears. She wielded a large and curved sword, along with a shield emblazoned with a maple leaf pattern. She wore a white shirt and a red skirt, similar but not like the miko's outfit. She was smaller than she looked, but she seemed muscular and she lifted the sword with ease.

"Come forth, experience of the sword! Dark Repulser, Elucidator, to me!" I yelled. The two cards dissipated into light, transforming into the two swords Dark Repulser and Elucidator.

Normally I would not have the strength or the expertise to wield swords. However, by using the Page of Swords, which depicts a young man with a sword, I interpreted it to mean that a young man could be given the experience to wield a sword. Because of this, I easily sunk into a low stance, holding the two swords in front of me.

"Are you prepared?" I asked her. She seemed to have gotten the gist of what I had wanted to say, because she had drawn her own weapons.

"It's been a long time since I've used these." She said lightly. "And I've been gaining some weight recently, so this will be fun."

"Don't you dare make fun of me, you female Inuyasha reject!"

The battle began. Her long and thick curved sword was heavy, but she was better with it than I was with my two. She was going for a simple vertical slash, cutting straight down. I held up Elucidator to block it while Dark Repulser was held in front of me, ready to tackle.

And that was when I learned that dual swords, not like in the games, never worked. What happened was that I blocked the sword, but I smashed headfirst into the shield.

"Are you alright!" She yelled. "Should I go easier on you?"

"Don't you dare pity me!" I screamed, sheathing Elucidator and switching Dark Repulser to a two-handed grip. "An honorable knight knows both his own and his opponent's strength!"

"I think you're drunk!" She yelled as I prepared to slash. "Go home and lie down!"

"No way in hell!" I yelled. With that, I prepared to unleash the move I had learned from a novel about swords. Slowly, I sank into the stance. The world seemed to guide my blade towards its destination.

_Yes! This is the feeling! _I thought. _This is a sword skill!_

I followed through with a quick lunge. This was the sword skill from the book, Linear, meant to make a quick single hit. It would not work well normally, but there was more force behind it than I would normally be able to exert, the proof being my complaining arm muscles.

She blocked it easily with her shield.

"But it's not over yet!" I yelled. My left hand drew Elucidator and executed another one of the book's sword skills, Diagonal. The sword dashed between the shield and my Linear, barely being stopped by my opponent's circular steel shield.

"Whoo, that reminds me of the good old days!" She said. "But I think we should take this to a safer place!"

The familiar barrier put itself back up, and my swords and skills disappeared. In exchange, the two cards were returned to my deck.

""Draw!"", we yelled simultaneously. She began to unleash huge snakes and twisted patterns of blue circles and small fragments. As I did the desperate dance of ducking and weaving that had been my custom for the past few days, I noticed the spell card ticker.

It was blank.

_Tch. I've underestimated my opponent._ I thought. "How is that hellish barrage not a spell card!" Then I remembered.

_Oh yes, that game… _I thought. _Back in Mountain of Faith, Momiji was just a midboss. But she's terribly strong!_ I thought as one of the blue bullets hit me in the arm. It knocked the air out of my lungs. But then I remembered.

_After her comes Aya… After her comes Aya._

_I will not die. For the sake of my honor, I shall not be slain here!_

"Here we go!" I said, emptying my two hands of cards at her as the blue bullets threatened to overwhelm me. "Bring me strength, cards!"

Devil Sign: Dogs of Hell.

Again something I did not expect was called. The blue bullets stopped. The ground cracked, with an ugly red liquid spewing out. But the heat was intense. It was as if the fires of hell itself were coming up.

And so they did. Out of the crack in the ground, attacking my opponent furiously, were two dogs, both with multiple heads. One was larger, with three heads and the ferocious aura of a hunting lion, while the other was only two-headed and no less vicious.

_These cards are crazy._ I thought. _There is absolutely no way that you can make this situation any crazier._

"Are these cute little things yours~?" She asked me as she dodged their attacks. "I'm so jealous~!"

"Why is everyone in this place a complete idiot!" I yelled. It was obvious. Here they were, two gigantic dogs the same size as buildings who had come out of the earth to try to eat you, and you're calling them adorable! What kind of messed-up thought processes…

It took her calling her spell card Gift of the Wolf Pack for me to realize it.

_She's a wolf. Dogs are tamed wolves, so even hellhounds would seem tame to her._

I, on the other hand, had no such privilege, having to dodge the paws and teeth of uncountable bloodthirsty and hungry wolves. They seemed to move in formation, and were forcing me to the walls, bringing their teeth uncomfortably close to my flesh.

"Are you some kind of master strategist or something!" I yelled out. "Commanding these things to bite me to the wall is pretty damn smart!"

"I play shogi on the weekends! Do you?" She asked. "I need someone to play with my friend!"

"After I settle the score with your lord, I would love to learn the game!" I yelled, flying to escape the wolf pack.

"What's going on out there?" A voice came from the window of the newspaper. The black-haired head took in the situation before it continued. "Momiji, stop slacking off!"

The wolves suddenly stopped, the entire system collapsed, and the vassal rushed to her lord. I was left on the ground, tired and beaten.

But not broken. As long as the flames of hatred still blazed in my heart, I would not stop. There would be no hero who could vanquish me, no soldier who could kill me, no emotion that would break me. As long as that fantastical reporter lived, I would not die! No! I will not accept this!

With that I pulled out a card and reinstated the system. The white wolf from the last fight was instantly knocked out and only the crow remained.

"Oh, what's this?" She asked. "A reckless human boy attacking youkai? Interesting!" She yelled. "Show me just how strong you are, then!"

For some reason, she did not immediately take the spell card. She just floated in midair, beating her wings, seemingly waiting for my attack. Through my rage, I could see my opponent perfectly.

_Black hair. Red eyes. Small hat and crow wings on the back. Three white buttons on her front coat, which is black. Old-model camera in her left hand, orange feathered fan in her right. Red sneakers. Short skirt._

"I know this isn't how you're supposed to prove it, but I'm not a murderer!" I yelled, and raised a card. It was exactly the one I wanted.

Judgment Sign: Anubis' Scales

With that, black jackals charged forth from the walls of the spell card barrier, charging at my opponent, who deftly ducked and weaved under the converging jackals. Pain shot through my arm.

"Kh!" I let out the sound unexpectedly. _Anubis is the judge of good and evil, so of course I would have been hurt by him._ I thought. _I'm attempting a murder, after all._ In addition to the jackals, a host of other Egyptian monsters came out. But the reporter was not fazed.

She was coming closer. She raised her camera.

And then it all fell into place. The fact that she had not attacked, the fact that she had not immediately started shooting counterattacks, that was it.

She was going to take a picture. As I realized this, her head poked out of the rain of jackals, with one hand showing a shining camera lens.

_It's over. _I thought, and smiled, almost happily. _Finally, someone who took me seriously._

I heard the click. As if it was a signal, every muscle, nerve, and part of my body just stopped moving. I would not respond to my own commands.

And I fell to the floor with the perfect sound of "pchuun". For some reason my landing didn't hurt, even if it was from such a height.

"Hey, did I hit you too hard?" The reporter asked.

"Ms. Aya Shameimaru, was it?" I returned her question.

"Oh, a reader!" She said. "How did you like the latest?"

"I was accused of being a prospective murderer, but I guess that's fine." I said. "Anyway, sign for this. This ink was heavy, I'll tell you that much." I brought out my trusty improvised clipboard, created by taking the base of an old tatami mat and the strap that held it together. She grabbed it and signed it, so fast that I couldn't even see her hand. After that, she handed it back to me.

"So, where do you want these?" I asked, standing up.

"Inside, in the stock room. But I'll ask you a few questions first." She said, placing her hand on my shoulder and forcibly turning me towards her. Her eyes now had the "soul of the reporter", which made me answer her questions quickly like a charm.

"Name?" "Victor Hunter." "Occupation?" "Delivery boy." "Do you really expect to murder anyone with those weak attacks?" "I wasn't trying to kill anyone!" "Stop denying it. Answer the question." "No I don't!" "What is your motivation for your attempted murders?" "I did it because I was bored!"

And so the interrogation continued. Half a day later, she spat me out, my mission complete.

"That was fun! We should definitely talk more!"

"If any of this is going to be in the next issue, hell no way!" I yelled, flying at my fastest to run away. But she caught up to me in an instant.

"What the heart hides, a reporter will find~!" She left me with that warning.

"Oh man." I said. "That girl… even by here's standards, she's crazy."

_And she was holding back, too…_

"Hey! You!"

A somewhat large black and white object slammed into me from the side. How I had not seen this monster, I could not tell.

"Oh, hey." I said. "Apparently, I tried to murder you last night."

"What? Where did it say that?" The golden-haired, battle-forged friend asked.

"Some thing called the Bunbunmaru." I said. "I went over there and got beaten horribly by wolves and crows."

"You actually read that!" Marisa asked. "Nobody ever reads that!"

"So I could have just left it alone and nothing would have happened?" I asked incredulously. The Human Village newspapers only reported news from there, and I would think that the superpowers outside the city were extremely interesting.

"I hear people burn the newspaper for fire, but I erase the ink and use it for magic symbols!" She said. "We even came up with a game: 'Find an awesome way to throw away the newspaper'!".

My friend sped away as if nothing happened, ending the conversation with a "See you, then!"

I felt the feeling of total and complete pchuun again. But it was far less satisfying. Why?

Now I knew that it was self-inflicted.

The next day, the Bunbunmaru released a special edition. It was a three-page thing about the dramatic attack of a murderer on the newspaper headquarters, and his subsequent interview with the reporter. It had ended with the quick reformation of the murderer, and the revelation that he was actually working. But none of that mattered anymore to the man in the leather jacket reading it at this point.

There were far more important things on his mind.

Delivery 4: The Perfect Prison System.

Lost horribly twice in a row: -2000 points!

Cleared your name (somewhat)!: 1000 points!

Did not need to clear your name at all: -1000 points!

Total: -2000 points! You're a failure and a liability to society! It's a good thing that tengu rehabilitated you!

_Going to wait for feedback on this one before I continue on. Oh, if I'm going to go for a sudden absolute three-sixty in terms of proportion of bad jokes to serious fight scenes, would that be better on a different story, or could I just continue it here?_


	6. Delivery 5

Delivery 5: The Reason Behind Pacifism.

There's one saying that comes to mind when I remember this day for years to come. Some general in an old, yet extremely fun RTS game said this to me in one of the cutscenes, as he planned to counter the invasion of the continental United States:

"There's no rest for the weary."

And today, I feel every bit of that in my bones. After all, the work order was about the worst you could get.

"Today's going to be a busy day for you." Mr. Kirisame explained. He was holding a rolled-up piece of paper in his hands as he looked at me. "In the first part of the day, I'll need you to drop by the Muenzuka to bring the Yama her groceries. Normally, it would be her assistant, but she's 'busy'."

"Wait, wait, wait, don't you have to _die _before you can go to the Yama?" I asked. "I'm pretty sure that only the dead can cross the Sanzu River."

"Eh, as long as you beat them down, you should be fine." The boss took a sip from his tea.

_Expecting me to beat down the clients, what the hell is this guy! And whyd o I feel like he just called me expendable!_ I asked myself. Instead of dwelling on that, and the pain in my legs from maintaining seiza for so long, I continued.

"So what else is there?"

"We'll need you to go deliver a shipment of pet food and grooming kits to Satori."

"Satori?" I asked. "Who's that, and where does she live?"

"She's the mind reader, and she lives in the Former Hell of Blazing Fires. Just go into the gigantic pit near the lake. Got that?" _I seriously don't know why I keep forgetting things like this._

"…."

"No, this is not a game, putting a series of periods next to each other is not an answer." Mr. Kirisame said. "Speak clearly."

"ARE YOU INSANE!" I yelled at him. "You're going to send me to my death, and then to hell!"

"I did say this job would be dangerous." He said. I just stared at him in shock for a bit as he continued.

"Also, you'll be making one last delivery today to the Moriya Shrine."

"Finally, somewhere normal." I said. "So when can I start?" Mr. Kirisame merely smiled and unrolled the piece of paper. On it were times, calculations, and estimates, all pertaining to my deliveries for the day. On the top was written "Operation Carrier Pigeon".

"See here, you start at eight A.M., in about twenty minutes." He said, indicating a blue baseline. I nodded. Then the arrow moved out.

"I've checked your flying speed, and you should get there by ten." He said. "At about ten-thirty, you make the delivery and come back. You should be here by eleven-thirty for a quick lunch because you're lighter." He indicated the line, which was changing colors depending on the situation. "I gave you a half-hour allowance in case you get sidetracked or delayed."

"Thanks, boss." I said. As I continued to listen, I thought. _He's counting form my careful flight time. I've been getting faster and more reckless lately, probably because of the influence of the people here. Everyone's a crazy idiot here._

"After lunch, you leave at about twelve-thirty. You should get to the Hell of Blazing Fires at about one-thirty, after which you go down to the Palace of the Earth Spirits. That should take you up to two, thirty minutes to make the delivery, then come back up at three to four."

"Three to four? Shouldn't that give me a lot of time to make the last delivery?"

"You'll have two hours max, the festival at the Moriya Shrine starts at six. You'll be making this last delivery extremely quickly. Going up Youkai mountain is no easy feat, even for you with your flying."

"I got it." I said. I walked over to the Yama's groceries. "But isn't it better to start the plan quickly!" I asked. My watch was on my wrist and somehow still working, the sky was blue and clear, with the occasional puffball cloud, and the sun was still low in the sky, sparing me from the burning rays of the sun.

"Good luck!"

"Begin Mission. Operation Carrier Pigeon begins now!" I yelled, kicking into the sky and feeling the wind all over me again.

_Damn, I love to fly. But now I've got a time limit. _I looked to the upper right, where the score usually was during spell card battles.

_0820 AM. 10 minutes ahead of schedule. Currently flying over the fields near the Human Village. Bearing west-south-west in order to draw level with the Muenzuka to ensure a straight westerly flight to the target. Skies are clear and temperature is average. It's a good day to fly, ladies and gentlemen._

I sped up. Perfect conditions for making a delivery. Except for the persistent tengu on my six.

"Didn't you thrash me enough yesterday, Ms. Shameimaru?" I asked the bogey. The bags weighing down on me, I wouldn't be able to give a proper dogfight, so I prepared to scatter the cards behind me as a smokescreen. One of their properties was to reform themselves afterwards, and so they would later.

"Yes, I did, but now I want to know exactly how you manage these deliveries." She said. "So I'll be following you for the time being." She took out a pen and notebook, which I knew for a fact she could write on as she flew.

"Fickle readers?" I asked. "Curious about how the world works? Or do you have a lead that involves me?"

"There are stories everywhere." She said. "You just have to look hard enough."

"Fair point." I said as I continued to fly off towards the land where souls go to rest. "Don't get lost, alright?"

"Of course I won't!"

Like this, the flight continued.

_0840 AM. Some distance from the Human Village, passing over the Forest of Magic. West-south-west bearing to be held for some time before leveling out to a straight westerly flight. Skies are clear and temperature comfortable as last noted._

I had decided earlier this morning to keep a "flight diary" and record the details of every flight. I didn't know why, but it just felt like something I should do, since I loved it so much.

"What are you doing?" The reporter from behind me called out. "I didn't think that you'd be taking notes on me too!"

"It's not that. It's a flight diary." I said, closing it. I only felt like writing into it at certain points, but now that she had talked to me this was not one of them.

"A flight diary?" She cocked her head to the side curiously. "Why would you need something like that?"

"I can't fly in the outside world, it's just here." I said. "And I really liked the feeling, so I'm recording it." I said, and sped up a bit.

"Oh, I see… hey, you're speeding up! After my quarry!" Aya yelled. But that wasn't important right now. I sensed a number of presences around me. I jerked my head to the left. There was a doll there. With its hands aimed at me. It suddenly released a small cloud of pretty laserfire.

"I really don't have time for this!" I yelled, making an immediate and steep climb, allowing Aya to deal with the small cloud of bullets. Following up behind me was a small contingent of cute little dolls with blue dresses and blonde hair. Taking quick glances above and to the sides, I saw the situation was the same.

"What did I do now!" I asked. "What's up with the dolls, Alice?"

"I just wanted to see how strong you were!" She answered. "Surviving a Master Spark is not something you see every day; I want to find out how you did it!"

"I used another spell as a shield and hoped for the best!" I yelled. "Can we make an appointment some other time? I'm kind of busy right now!"

"I'm sorry, but I need to simulate battle conditions when I make my tests! Doll Judgment!" At this order, each of the dolls started firing unique projectiles.

"Fish and chips, Buddhist symbols, mini-Eiffel towers, normal energy bullets… wait, AK-47 bullets!" I yelled, counting off the varied projectiles that Alice's merciless army of dolls unleashed on me. "Whoa!" All this I took in in an instant before I began my powerdive. The wind, once pleasant on my face, tore at my skin and blew my hair so far back that I almost felt it rip off of my head.

"Come on, it won't take long!" Alice yelled. "By analyzing your power, I can finally quantify the Master Spark…!"

"Isn't it just a feel-and-shoot sort of thing!" I asked. "Can't you just… y'know, guess!"

She seemed to flare up at this, ordering the dolls to fire a renewed barrage, after which she yelled.

"You don't understand magic at all!" She yelled. "You don't guess, you measure, calculate, and build!"

"I really don't have time for this!" I yelled. I drew one of my cards, fervently hoping for a Major Arcana.

Death Sign: Alice

I raised the card bearing the 13th Arcana, Death. The card began to glow, and as the purple light made the morning sky change in color. Lastly, as if to add to the drama of the scene, an otherworldly voice began to call out from the sky. It was the voice of a young girl, both cute and chilling at the same time.

"Could you please… die for me?"

Suddenly, the dolls stopped shooting and moving, instead falling to the ground. Luckily, none of them broke apart because they were already brought low by my powerdive. Alice and I both stared in shock. She was first to react.

"How did you do that!" She yelled. "This isn't supposed to happen!"

"I don't know, I just felt it!" I replied. "I guess it's just destiny!" Nevertheless, I started flying at top speed before she got the dolls in working order again. I saw Aya at her cruising altitude and knew that she could see me from there. She waved. At the same time, I heard Alice make a noise of frustration and fly after me.

_I hope I didn't break those dolls too badly._

_0910 AM. Heading west in order to reach the Muenzuka. Currently crossing over a sunflower field with the crow tengu in tow. Eventually managed to calm Alice down enough to set an appointment, though how she caught up to me in the first place is beyond me. A little hotter now, but a helpful tailwind is blowing. Hopefully I can get there a bit early. On an unrelated note, the yellow sunflowers and the purple suzuran make a nice contrast with each other._

In hindsight, that hope was shattered into pieces.

I closed my precious flight diary. I was still only on the first page of my flight diary.

"Well, that only means more adventure." I said to myself. "But that might not necessarily be a good thing…" As I spoke, I looked up.

"Oh yes, those two." Aya said behind me. "Hello, flower power team!"

"Stop giving people stupid names. Apparently, someone needs another beat down." The atmosphere in the air became just a little bit more tense.

But I knew that in these skies, a little tension could set off a war of dancing bullets. I climbed immediately, going almost perpendicular to my previous flying. My theory was that if two of these girls were headed each other at high speed, the most appropriate reaction is to get out of the way very quickly and very surely.

My theory was vindicated when the two crashed into each other, Aya's large red bullets and cutting crow feathers meeting a barrage of bright yellow energy balls and even brighter sunflowers.

_Sunflowers._ I thought. _A girl who thinks it's a good idea to shoot sunflowers._

"Why is everyone here a complete idiot?" I asked myself as I kicked off, away from the midair duel.

"Hey, why are you leaving the show so soon?" A voice called to me. "Yuka's really amazing when she fights." I turned around to see the girl in the poison mist.

Her hair was blonde and curled, fastened by a narrow red bow. She wore a ruffled black blouse, which looked surprisingly good with her curly blonde hair. A ribbon in front and nearly-invisible buttons down the front, paired with a puffy red skirt. And of course, the strange purple mist that surrounded her, which seemed to be coming from the suzuran flowers. She was watching the flower maiden fight the crow reporter, throwing in cheers for her green-haired friend, who was up against my stalker/social better. They continued to fire barrages of bullets, camera flashes, and… sunflowers at each other.

It also occurred to me that she was perfectly shaped and proportioned, like a doll. I could tell because I had been almost shot down by a doll army a few minutes back, and they were all perfectly proportioned, right down to the size of the heads, legs, and arms.

"Sorry, but I'm on duty." I told the girl who was watching her friend. "I'd love to go down and join them, though." I smiled to myself as I flew off.

Then I smashed, face-first, into a red boundary.

"If you wanted a fight, you could have just asked!" The girl yelled to me. "To tell the truth, Medicine's wanted to try out her own spells, too!"

_So her name is Medicine._ I thought as the first waves of purple bullets began to advance. _I don't think she took hers this morning._

"Alright, let's dance, then!" I called out to her, raising a set of my cards. "But let's make this quick; I've got a delivery to make!" As I said this, the purple mist began to spread out inside the barrier.

"It won't be long until the suzuran gets to you." She warned me with a wave of her fingers. I didn't acknowledge the taunt, instead firing off a few of the Wands cards at her. "It's only a matter of time before you start getting dizzy…"

I tried to ignore her words, but they were true. My stomach had rolled forward, throwing off my balance and leaving me barely able to dodge the poison-laced arrows and the flower petals of my opponent.

_In fact… I'm getting weak…_ With that, I slowed down and began to fall. The world began to move slowly. My mind recognized that I was losing consciousness, but I felt no urgency, time slowing down to aid me in evading the pain from the bullets that hit me before I would snap my neck and die on the ground. I accepted it.

_So this is how it ends._ I thought. _All my life ends to a little doll girl who did me in with some poison. Well, if that's how it's gonna go, I'm just going to close my eyes and take the fall when it comes…_

"Oh, did he die that quickly?" It was the voice of an energetic teacher I had heard somewhere. "He really is pathetic."

A younger girl chimed in. "Cut the boy some slack." She said. "He's in a world full of monsters!"

"Alright, then, let's start the Tiger Dojo!"

_No way! No way in hell am I going to be thrown into the Tiger Dojo! It's a fate worse than death to go there!_

That was the last thing I thought as I lost consciousness in the poison. The feel of the last card in my right hand left it as it began its own slow fall to the ground.

_So this is goodbye. _The very last thing that was real for me then was "Oh, I broke him."

_Wind._

_Unstoppable wind, so strong that anything trying to move through it would be carried with it, as a raging flood would consume the cars in the street, or the way a stampede knocks down those standing still, forcing them to move or die._

_And within the center of that raging wind, of that force of nature that not even Aya Shameimaru, Gensokyo's queen of speed and flight, could not penetrate, there he was._

_In his right hand was the one card, and, surrounded by the raging wind, he was born aloft. The reporter could feel it now, the Spell Card barrier had not been able to stand up to the attack._

_But something was wrong. The power did not seem to be coming from he who was knocked out in the middle of it. Instead, it seemed to be coming from a force deeper inside him, something that was hidden there._

"My intuition about that kid was right." Aya said. "He's definitely a weird fella."

_The cyclone continued to rip up the trees and tear at the ground. She covered her head with her arms and began to fly back, but the wind had stopped by then._

_The boy hovered in the air, held aloft by the last of his strength._

"World Sign: Sylphid Wings". I said to the girl. She had been buffeted by the horrifyingly strong wind, but she was not harmed. The flowers were fine, having bent, but the same could not be said of the trees and the soil, which were torn up by the raging winds. "Sorry, but I had to save myself somehow."

"It's okay!" She smiled at me. "You're strong, what's your name?" She asked, coming close. For some reason, the poison no longer followed her near me, keeping its distance.

"Victor Hunter." I said. "I deliver stuff to people. What about you?"

"Medicine Melancholy!" She said. _Excitable like a kid._ I thought. "I take care of the flowers with Yuka!"

"Are you alright, Medicine?" A shout from below, with the parasol-holder from a while ago looking concerned.

"I'm fine, Yuka!" She yelled. "Yuka's really strong too, so if you two fought I don't know what would happen!"

"That wasn't too bad from a youngster like you. At my age, you learn not to be impressed." The flower master Yuka approached me. Green hair, red eyes, and simple clothes, a white shirt with a plaid red vest on it that reminded me vaguely of a certain fire mage of high quality and higher stupidity. Her skirt was the same plaid red and straight, not like Medicine's which was bunched up.

"Thanks." I told her. "Sorry about your friend." I extended my hand. She shook it.

Yuka stared at me before she let go of my hand. "You seem… familiar, somehow."

"Sorry, we've never met." I said. I looked down at my watch.

_09:50 AM._

"Oh crap!" I kicked off and flew towards the Muenzuka as fast as I can. I left the two flower masters staring at my back.

"That guy is weird, but he's funny!" Medicine smiled.

"He's weird, alright." Yuka said. "Come on, Medicine." They descended back down onto the flower fields as the reporter chased after her mark.

_09:55 AM, on the banks of the Sanzu River. Although conditions are clear and it has warmed up enough to be nice without being oppressive, I am tired, half-dead, and close to giving up at ten in the morning. There truly is no rest for the weary. The tengu is still following me as I approach the ferry station of the Sanzu River guide._

_I sincerely hope that nothing happens now. _With that last line I closed my diary and hit both feet on the ground.

"Oh, another human here to kill himself?" A voice asked. "I thought they only came during the flower incident."

I took out my diary and wrote another line.

_Why is everybody here a complete idiot!_

Total Points:

Took on the most difficult job of your life so far!: + 5000 pts!

Finally got what you deserved for ditching Alice!: - 2000 pts!

Lost to Medicine!: -1000 pts!

Point multiplier: Used amazing power!: x ? points!

Total points: ? points! Your rank is -343,343, because I said so! I can't give a letter grade to a number that isn't a number, and question marks are just vague!


	7. Deliver 5, Stage 2

Delivery 5, Stage 2: From the Judgment of Heaven to the Gates Of Hell.

And so I found myself facing a girl with red pigtails, and a long blue-and-white dress that looked a bit too large for her. Over her shoulder was a long and deadly scythe. Behind her were the great pink blossoms of the Muenzuka, which would have covered the horizon if the misty Sanzu River wasn't there. Covered in mist and with water black as night, it gave off a sense of foreboding.

"I can't let you cross. I could kill you so you could cross if you'd like." She said.

"Wonderful, just wonderful." I said. "Unfortunately, I have another delivery to make after this, and if I don't make it out of here alive I'll never be able to make my time! So let me through!"

_~Higan Death Retour – Riverside View~_

"Wow, you're unreasonable just like the rest." She said. "Okay, let's fight!"

She said "fight", but my goal was not to defeat her. I pulled out my cards. She readied her scythe. The red spell card barrier was up.

_I know that what I'm about to do is very, very stupid._

_But I chose to deliver for a reason! After doing this job a few times, I chose to continue! To deliver things to others, and to see that they get through the day with the things I bring! That is my goal, to help others!_

_And no divine judge in their right mind would ever reject such a statement!_

"Dissolve!" I yelled, shattering the spell card barrier from the top down. I threw ten of the cards in her face, blocking her field of vision. Taking this opportunity, I got onto her boat.

"I don't mind letting you through without killing you, but if you put a single scratch on that thing I'll murder you!" She yelled at me as I pulled out another one of my cards.

Magician Sign: Orobas' Winds.

"Don't worry, you slacker, I'll drive carefully!" I yelled as the boat's front tipped up like a speedboat and flew across the water of souls. "I'll be ferrying this batch of ghosts along, then!" At that, her expression seemed to change.

"It's a shame you have to leave so soon!" She yelled. "Have a safe trip!"

_Most definitely an idiot._ I thought to myself.

I merrily boated along the river's current, staring forward into the mist._ When am I ever going to get there?_ I thought. _All this trouble, just for a delivery…_

The side of the river was there. I pushed the boat onto the dock and tied the knot. In front of me was a wonderfully grand building.

Take that hospitable girl from the village's house. That was a large, three-storey building, complete with courtyard, furniture, and a garden.

Multiply that by ten and you get the Yama's place. It was even more grand, actually, being decked out in gold leaf, high-quality and shining wood, and tiles that looked like they could weather a storm that would flood the building before ripping off the roof tiles. As I watched, judges and clerks, dressed in blue wear, flew around quickly chatting with each other and attending to the ghosts that were on the ship.

"Damn, she must take in a lot from the dead spirit's donations." I said, leaving my head up and staring in wonder at the things around me. "It's like a castle in here."

There was also one disadvantage to this. I did not know anything about where the Yama was. So I had to ask. I flew up and tapped one of the judges flying about on the shoulder, who turned to me with an impatient attitude.

"What do you want?"

"Which way is the Yama?" I asked. "Her groceries are here." I raised up the bag, which was actually extremely heavy. _Thank God for adrenaline rushes._ I thought. _I would never have been able to carry this thing otherwise._

"You're still alive, aren't you?" He asked. _Even the men here are idiots._ I thought. By reflex, I answered truthfully, something I would regret to this day.

"Yes, I am. Now which way is the Yama?" I had assumed that they would be comfortable with living people, the scythe-woman at the boat having let me through so easily.

What happened next was that everyone within earshot had surrounded me. I was bound with magic to where I was, my body would not move a bit. And only now did I remember that the living were not supposed to set foot here. Even the ghosts who were being judged were among the audience. They formed a multi-tiered circle around me, quite like a college lecture room.

_How could I let such a simple detail slip my mind! _I asked myself. _Oh no, has living in this place turned me into an idiot too? And am I some sort of college professor now? Do I have to defend my dissertation?_

A short, green-haired, yet extremely dignified looking girl came up to the head of the circle, directly in front of where I was bound and floating, but above me, so that I would have to look up at her figure. Her blue vest, standing starkly contrasted to her white shirt, stood out among the rest along with her regally complicated hat, with its blue cloth and red ribbon, plus her being younger and smaller than the rest of the judges only adding to her majesty.

~Eastern Judgment in the Sixtieth Year - Fate of Sixty Years~

"You who are accused, state your name, occupation, and business here with the judges of the dead!" Her voice rang out majestically, and I got the feeling that if not for court decorum, they would have started cheering for her.

"Victor Hunter, deliveryman. I'm here to make a delivery." I said.

"You, the defendant, have been charged with trespassing and theft." The Yama pronounced this to me, and to the court at large. "Since this court is busy with the souls being ferried over, you will have one statement to defend yourself with before you are sentenced."

_Oh no. Everyone here's an idiot._ I thought. _So how do I prove myself to idiots?_ I thought it over for a few seconds before the answer came to me.

_Of course._

"Friends, Romans, citizens!" I began what would be a long and somewhat-rousing speech. "Today, I stand before you, accused of trespassing and theft! I plead guilty to both charges!" I proclaimed. Following this, shouts and cheers of "Guilty! Guilty!" began to ring across the courtroom.

"Order! Order!" The Yama began to holler while pounding at her invisible table. "Order in the court!" With that, the calls of "Guilty!" began to cease. "Continue your statement, defendant!"

"I would like to say, however, that my trespassing and theft are justified, and let me recount the facts!" I yelled and swallowed my saliva. I knew that from here on out, nothing that I said was going to be true.

"Yesterday, a delivery request was made at the one and only branch of Kirisame General Goods, to have groceries for a week delivered here, to the Yama. I have a copy of the notice here, and would like to submit it into evidence. The goods are also over there, and to be presented into evidence as well." I put out my hand, on which was written the notice. One of the judges came down to take it, along with the bag of goods.

It had been folded into fourths when I had handed it over. That was for the simple reason of keeping the Yama's pride intact. After the standard soy sauce, fish, meat, and vegetables, along with the supplies used to keep the place clean and spiffy, there was one item that would apply to only one person here. One person who was younger and more dignified than all the rest.

"Breast enhancement medicine".

I had, of course, no interest in hiding it and would have shown it in public if the Yama was not in control of my fate from this moment on. She unfolded the paper, nodded, and folded it again.

"The court accepts this into evidence." The Yama proclaimed, forcing a nonchalant expression, with a slight blush. "Continue with your statement, defendant."

"After that, the rest is simple. I could not allow myself to die, because that would mean inability to continue, and that I had to come here, in order to do my duty, which you in fact requested. So in order to perform this duty, I was forced to commit these crimes."

"Objection!"

The judge who had originally apprehended me stood up. He was now also in the middle of the court.

"Could you not have left the goods with the ferrywoman in order to stop this whole situation? It seems like quite a logical step to me!" He declared to the crowd, who began to nod in approval._ You legalistic types are the worst sometimes._

"Regulations of the delivery service state that I must have the signature of the person who ordered the goods, and that person is the Yama!" I yelled. "If you would look closer on the order form, Ms. Eiki Shiki filled out the form herself, which would mean that it requires her signature!" Again, the court was back in an uproar, the audience making more noise than either of us.

"Objection! Then you could have asked the ferrywoman for an audience with the Yama in order to avoid this whole situation!" Again, the court rose into an uproar, some on my side and some on his. Eiki herself was silently pondering at the head of the judges, carefully analyzing what would come next.

"I beg to differ!" I yelled. "First of all, the duty of a deliveryman is to deliver goods to the person in question, not to have them come to him! And second! With your workload, still dealing with the backlog from the flower incident, it would have been horribly inconvenient for the Yama to have presented herself!" The court was again in an uproar, screams of "Guilty!" and "Not Guilty!" being thrown back and forth. "Commuted sentence!" and "Death penalty!" were also being thrown around madly.

… _Even in politics here, everyone's an idiot._

"Objection!" He yelled, but he was cut off by the Yama's "Silence in my courtroom!" At that, every one of them returned to the state they were in at the beginning, calm, quiet, and totally respectfully. Nobody moved. Nobody spoke.

"I have made my verdict. I declare him guilty of all charges!" Cheers erupted in the court, some of "Death penalty!". I said nothing, only amazed by the utter stupidity of these people. They were cut off by the Yama's "Order! I shall now hand down the sentence!"

This was it. I was already prepared to grab my cards and start a fight. The odds were bad, and there was no way that I was getting out of this aerial magical prison alive, but I would not go down without a fight. The delivery must go on!

"The defendant is sentenced to be lectured by me!"

The whole courtroom was silent. There was nothing that moved, nothing that spoke, and nothing that happened. Even the air itself seemed to stand still. _Oh crap._

"Defendant, you broke two laws for the sake of completing your duty. I must commend you for that, and wish that I could hire you because of your dedication, however, I feel that you have points for improvement."

I gulped. This scene was quite familiar.

"I think however, that you are a little too impulsive. To do such things without feeling a shred of guilt is both a blessing and a curse. However, I have faith that you will be able to exercise proper discretion in using your impulses." She proclaimed, and then she flew past me. Before I realized it, she was already behind me, looping away back to her office, and the judges were on their separate ways.

But I could have sworn I heard her say "Thanks for folding the shopping list" before she left. I looked down at my left wrist.

"Merde." I said. It was a mild French curse I had learned from an item shop's tale. But in this case, it suited the occasion just fine.

The watch read _11 AM. Damn the bureaucracy._

_11:25 AM. Although this doesn't strictly belong in my flight diary, boating is quite nice too. I am going to return this boat to the girl at the river, after which I will fly off faster than Aya can go back to the village for the next delivery. Hopefully I won't be late. It's much hotter now, but the skies are still clear and I hope I'll make it in time. _

_The Yama is actually a nice fellow for a judge of the dead. I'll have to take a note of that. Her underlings, though, kept pestering me and trying to detain me. Eventually I just flew right through them back to the scythe-girl's boat. They weren't too happy about that, but it's not like I'm ever going back there._

I closed the flight diary as I returned to the living side of the Sanzu River. I found the pigtail girl asleep on the dirt, her scythe's point digging into the ground a few inches from her ear. I thought that anyone could just murder her with the scythe so close and nobody would ever know.

But she was so calm and careless that I couldn't do it. It was as if all of Gensokyo would only wake her up roughly if she did something like that. I smiled.

_People trust each other here, and they act as if the world's on their side._ I thought. _I'd love to live like that._

With that, I kicked her gently and flew off. I left a note, a torn page from my flight diary.

"The boat runs great. I put it back in one piece. Thanks for sharing."

I set off into the sky, going at my top speed. A black shape that was the crow tengu pulled up to me, matching our speed.

"That was really nice of you, you know?" She asked, as if confirming something. I shrugged it off.

"Not really." I said. "Anyway, how many more scandalous stories do you have?"

"Three. You're about to become a lady-killer." She said. "If you aren't already."

Before she could react, I pushed her back and used the force to move faster. She merely smiled and followed along behind me.

"I don't have that right." I said coldly and quietly. I'm not sure if anyone besides me could hear it.. After a while, she left, probably off to hunt more stories. I sighed and continued on my flight.

Before I knew it, the Human Village was already below me. I dived to the house.

"How'd it go, Victor?" He asked.

"Judged by the Yama and pissed off most of Higan." I said. "Not a bad day."

"You're really reckless for just a delivery boy." He said. "You'd best not take that attitude with your next clients." He said, preparing the huge bag of pet food. "The second delivery is to the Hell of Blazing Fires. I assume you're smart enough to know what that means."

"Of course I am!" I said, and sat down to lunch. I was five minutes behind schedule, so I now only had a 25-minute allowance. The food was already waiting for me.

"Thanks a bunch, boss." I said, before eating the fastest meal of my life.

Five minutes later I was flying again through the sky, the light of which I would soon exchange for a pit in the ground. I was getting good at speed-eating, even having the time to clean the dishes afterwards. I began to speed towards the pit that would take me to my destination, the fantastic wind hole. The adventures were just about to begin.

It was time. I stood on the brink of the great hole. I could feel wind blowing at me from the bottom.

_Wind in a cave. This place is idiotic, it's not just the people._

I stuck my arms out sideways. Behind me, I heard someone snicker "It looks like the saint was crucified." But I didn't turn around. I only leaned forward.

"Hey, hey, that's dangerous!" The voice yelled, but it was too late.

I had already jumped into the hole from which wind blows. Below me lay nothing but darkness.

Magician Sign: Pyro Jack

A squad of eight pumpkins with lanterns inside them danced in front of me, providing light and detailing the uneven rocks of the hole as I fell, controlling myself only marginally with my flight powers. I wanted to feel the pleasures of falling, of the wind beating against me effortlessly, without even having to try. The wind rushed into my ears and tore at my body, and it all felt just wonderful.

But the spider's web waits for the careless insect. I immediately saw, in front of me, a white latticework of thread.

"Pyro Jack, fire!" The lanterns obliged, shooting out balls of fire to burn holes through the spider's web. I continued to fall, increasing my speed and the amount of fire I shot. I would most certainly make it before the spider caught me…

But the red barrier of the Spell Card system dashed those hopes into pieces. I turned around to see a little girl with blond hair and fake spider legs sewn into her clothes show up.

"You burned through my webs!" She yelled. "I'm going to make you pay for that!"

"I really don't have time for this!" I yelled, but there would be no getting out without a fight. Nine more cards took their places as my opponent used Trap Sign: Capture Web. The box exploded into a pinwheel of light and color, turning in upon itself and spreading out like silk to hit me.

Delivery 5, Stage 2 complete:

Total Points:

Delivered 1/3 packages for today!: 2000 pts!

Took no penalty from the Yama!: 1000 pts!

More horrible stories written about you!:-1500 pts!

Destroyed an innocent spider's home!: -1000 pts!

Total: 500 pts! Rank: D! This is a milestone! You actually got a rank higher than F! This is amazing! This will go in the Gensokyo Chronicles and be remembered for all time!

…not really.


	8. Delivery 5, Stage 3

Delivery 5, Stage 3: Sisterhood.

"I love being outside!" The short blonde girl in a red dress with wings that appeared to be made of colored crystal and wrought iron danced around. "It's been months since the last time I snuck out of the basement!"

"Yeah, we snuck out of that basement good, didn't we? Sakuya didn't even know we were gone until we were!" The black-and-white blonde witch responded. The two of them were standing on the rim of a great hole in the ground. "Anyway, Flan, there are some really strong people you can play with down there! One of them can even read minds!"

"Oooh, that sounds fun! I'll make them go 'kyuu'!" The tiny vampire Flan jumped up and down from excitement.

"Alright, we're going in!"

"Yaaay!"

The two craziest and most mischevious blondes in Gensokyo jumped down the wind hole.

I weaved between the purple and green bullets that had been thrown out.

"Six of Swords!" I yelled, and six thin swords appeared in my hands. Each of them shimmered with energy, and had the twin abilities of banishing the supernatural and pinning shadows, and hence, the owner of the shadow, to the ground the shadow was on. My opponent would not fall under this jurisdiction, being a spider, but they made good throwing weapons. I tossed them, three in each hand, at the spider. Her webs immediately entangled the swords, blocking them from reaching her.

However, I had planned for this. The spider webbing was stuck to the walls. Weaving between the bullets that were themselves like a web, I traced the path of the white silken thread in my mind.

"Magician Sign: Jack Frost!" I yelled, pointing the card at the webs. They froze, and the spider recoiled in shock, flying in place. I would have cracked the ice and sent it all at her, had I not heard a very familiar voice from above.

"Oh, there are already people fighting down here! Let's join in, Flan!" Marisa called down.

"Hooray, we have playmates!" _Oh crap, it can only be those two._

I didn't remember much of that eerily similar shooting game from the outside world, but one of the most rabidly followed and loved characters was a childish female vampire named Flandre, who could easily destroy things just by thinking about crushing their "eye" of existence. And apparently people think she's cute.

The other one I knew by voice, and from past experience I knew that fighting her would be at the very least bad, at worst possibly fatal. Not only that, I was also pressed for time.

_I should get out of here, but it just wouldn't be right to leave that spider girl alone._ I thought as the two voices began to come closer. The spider was already shooting the next barrage at me, this time a wave that looked like a spiral pattern.

"Looks like I'm not getting out of this one!" I yelled resignedly. "In which case I should just get this over with! Magician Sign: Arachne Burst!" My hands began to move as if over a loom, and again I could hear the rapid clacking of wood on wood as I formed the strings into rope, the rope into a web, and the web into a home. The rhythmic clacking of wood on wood sped up as I poured more of my energy into the strings, which affixed themselves to the walls and to each other. The spider girl only stared.

"What's your name?" I asked her. She responded with a simple, muted "Yamame."

"Okay, Yamame, after I finish this I'll be going down. Two extremely strong people are gonna come down here, so I'm leaving a hole in the web for them to get through. You can patch that up later, but right now I have to go." I told her as I continued to weave. "And it's done!" I called. "Farewell, spider girl, the name's Victor Hunter, deliveryman for all of one week!" She merely looked stunned as I dove at top speed, away from the witch and the vampire. I could already hear their laughing, facetious voices cheering behind me as I fled for my life.

"Where are all the strong people, Marisa?" Flandre asked.

"Farther down, that spider girl over there is nothing." The witch responded. "The people down here used to be from Hell, so they're really strong, ze!" Her voice went up due to excitement, and Flandre's giggle only made the effect all the worse. The walls bounced the sound around, warping their voices and turning their girlish excitement into fearsome bloodlust.

"Sorry, gotta go! Magician Sign: Pyro Jack!" The reassuring lanterns returned, and so did the voices.

"There's someone!" Flandre said. "Heeey! Wait up! I want to play!"

"Oh crap, she's fast!" I yelled. "And I thought I only had that crazy witch girl to worry about!" I continued to fly, blowing through the wind like a bullet, but with the duo still chasing me. I caught a glimpse of another blond girl with green eyes and pointy ears on the right side of the tunnel.

"I don't have time to chat, just get back and hide!" I yelled.

"That leadership skill… that flight speed, the power I feel from you… I'm so jealous!" She yelled. "I'm going to get you!" She shot after me like a bullet.

"Why is everybody here an idiot!?" I yelled in a rage against the world. "Then come after me, you pointy-eared girl!" I flew to the left, dangerously close to the wall of the tunnel. She flew after me, falling in between myself and the dangerous duo. I pulled out another ten cards. _Damn, I love these cards._ I thought. _Saved me more times than I can count, they have._

"Alright, let's take this fight up a notch!" I yelled. I flew close to the wall of the cavern and pushed off of it, at the same time releasing the cards I had drawn in my left hand. In order, they were the Six of Coins, the Three of Wands, the Four of Swords, the Ten of Coins, and the Seven of Swords. The resulting barrage was a decent spread of money, swords, and a set of lasers. It would distract her for but a moment. I, on the other hand, would slow down a bit but gain some distance on the other end of the tunnel. That was the break I needed. The Six of Swords was in my right hand.

Each of these cards on their own can be thrown either in a set, or used in combinations to create a meaning. When I used the Two of Swords, two swords which are usually used as a pair came out. The Six of Swords summoned a set of swords meant to be thrown in two volleys of three, or six. Usually they follow that order, with the face cards of Page, Knight, Queen and King granting experience or calling someone.

But the Ace is an exception. The Ace calls down a rain of whatever I imagine it to be. And right now all four aces were in my right hand. _Thank God for randomness._ I thought. The jealous girl broke through the original barrage and sped after me, gaining quickly.

"Ace of Swords, grant me the spirit of battle!" I began the invocation, standing still on the wall of the tunnel, using my flying ability to support myself.

"You look so cool!" The jealous one yelled. "Parsee wants that all for herself!"

"Ace of Cups, with you I charge!" I launched myself forward on a pillar of water that had been conveniently summoned up, and fire began to be launched from my extended hands. She banked hard to the side to give herself space to evade.

"It's not over! Ace of Coins, crush my foe!" Precious metals of every description, ranging in shape and size from tiny rings to gigantic unmined rocks were launched from every direction. Ducking and weaving, she evaded it all.

"Is that all you've got!?" She dared me, smiling. "Maybe your power isn't worth taking after all!" I smiled.

"Ace of Wands, show the overconfident the error of their ways." With that, lasers arced in every direction, and the wind blew, lifting all of the projectiles earlier fired back at Parsee. Even some of the large boulders flew back, following the wind's call. But Parsee didn't let me off as easily as the last opponent.

"I'm so jealous of that ability to improvise!" She yelled.

"Is there anything you're not jealous of!?" I returned as the white letters of an opposing spell card came into view.

Malice Ritual: Midnight Anathema Ritual! The power of the Four Aces was quickly dispersed, as streams of red energy charged forward from Parsee.

"Dammit, I really don't have time for this!" I yelled, ramming my cards back in the deck, shuffling it, and selecting new ones, positioning myself between the red streams. I looked back at where they impacted the wall, and blue balls of fire began to come out.

"Oh yes, this spell card." I said. _In the game, dodging it with Marisa and Patchouli's Metal Sign was so easy, but it looks like I'll have to improvise._ I thought as the blue flames that resulted from the red crystals bouncing off the walls began to come near.

"In which case, let's fight fire with fire!"

Was what I wanted to say, but I was rudely interrupted.

"Hiya crazy deliveryman!" Marisa yelled, with a dangerous smile on her face. "I brought Flandre!" Her companion, the short, blonde vampire named Flandre called "Yay, let's play!", before unleashing a powerful spell of her own.

Taboo: Maze Of Love.

"Crap, they caught up to me!" I yelled. _There's no surviving an attack of this power, even if she is just playing! _

"Oooh, I'm so jeall~ous of that awesome attack!" Parsee yelled, charging into the fray. She reminded me a bit of a story I was told by an online friend about an overly possessive boyfriend of her friend. I would have liked to stay longer, but the delivery must go on.

I powerdived out of the spell card barrier. It was designed for two, so one could easily get out.

"Running away from your responsibilities again?" The witch called to me, in a tone between admonishing and friendly. "You were the one who fought, go in there and finish the fight."

"My job's to get this package over there." I said, pointing down at the pins of light coming from the city in Former Hell. "And you?"

"Just playing around." She said. Our chat was not hostile, just not close or friendly. Genial would be the closest term, if not indifferent.

"Do I have to throw off the jacket again for you to talk normally? I can't do that right now; I'm on duty."

"Really?" She asked. "You seem a little lazy right now, let's give you some incentive to get there!" She raised the Mini-Hakkero Reactor and grinned from ear to ear.

"Wait up!" I yelled and took out my flight diary. By the light of the Jack Frost lantern I checked the watch and wrote on the diary.

_1300 hours or 1:00 PM. I have taken to writing the time both in military and in normal format in order to keep from confusing the readers and myself. Right now, I have just survived having to fight two underground youkai, Yamame the spider and Parsee the compulsively jealous girl. That wasn't the major problem, however, that being the crazy vampire and the probably even crazier witch following me. Right now, I am about to be hit by a Master Spark, and I can't use The World. This will probably hurt very, very much, and may kill me, so this will be both my next entry and possibly my eulogy._

"Ya done yet, ze?" She asked. "I swear, you write as much as Aya."

"It helps me keep off insanity." I said, shrugging my shoulders. "You should try it, you certainly need it more than I do." I already had a ten-card hand ready.

"Is that so?" She asked. "Let's see if sanity helps ya now!" She put the Mini-Hakkero reactor behind her back. The familiar white lettering formed itself.

Love Sign: Blazing Star

"Oh, so you want to go head-on, do you?" I asked, smiling. "Unfortunately, I don't have anything to oblige you with, so I'll just dodge pathetically!" I yelled, taking up my stance. This I had gained from analyzing the crow tengu's movements, that she had a stance that allowed her to jump in any direction extremely quickly. Knees bent and arms spread out slightly, I waited.

"Alright, let's dance!" She said, kicking the great Spark into gear, and coming at me with an incredible barrage of light, wind, and sound. The moment froze, as if to give me time to dodge. I took the chance.

"Bring it!" I yelled as I threw myself to the side with all my strength. I thought I saw Parsee being slammed against the right wall of the tunnel, beaten but smiling. I myself was mostly unharmed by the meteor-like attack, but there was another threat.

"Muu~ You can't keep all the toys to yourself, Marisa!" The vampire yelled as she charged me. "You only get one coin, mister!"

The gigantic Spark sent its user careening through the underground, so I was safe from her for now. The problem was the vampire in front of me, until I remembered that Flandre and her kind were weak to flowing water. I scanned the cards, thanking my lucky stars that the Priestess card was there.

"Priestess Sign: Apsaras the Water-Bringer!" I yelled, declaring the spell which caused water to burst from the sides of the tunnel, smashing like a raging waterfall into the sides of the spell card barrier. Without any wait, I put my nose down for speed and flew away.

"Get back here, toy!" The little girl yelled, breaking free of the raging waves of water to fire a huge barrage.

_Crap, at this close range!_ With those thoughts my arms moved to cover my face. Five bullets hit it straight on.

"Akh!" I yelled. I pushed more magical power into my card, and water pushed out. Hurting on my right arm, I nosedived leading in with the left, increasing my speed by a lot.

"You'd best pick up your friend over there before she gets too wet!" I yelled at the quickly returning witch. "Actually, all I needed was a head-start!" I called off the card, conscious of the possible damage that I could do to the vampire.

"You won't be getting away so easily." The witch turned around with the reactor in her hands. "Remember that I'm still your opponent."

And I was back to stage one. With a possible barrage of Master Sparks on the way and a vampire of an insane amount of power to boot, it was pretty much over for me. I sighed, a long, deep, exasperated sigh. At the same time I took ten cards into my hands.

"Then I'll play my own funeral march." I said. I would be going up against two of the strongest beings in Gensokyo. I closed my eyes. There would be no doubt that there wouldn't even be enough of me to bring home in a handbag, let alone a body bag.

_Sorry boss, but I think I'm clocking out early today…_

"Hahaha! He got scared and fought with everything he had!" Flandre squealed, smiling from ear to ear. "I like him, he's really strong! He doesn't give up even at the end when he cant' win!"

"That's what's great about that bastard, ze!" Marisa yelled. "I knew as soon as I saw him that this would be fun!"

"W-what!?" I could say nothing else, but the two ignored me as if I was not there.

"You're getting really good at acting, little Flan!" Marisa jokingly smacked her friend on the head lightly.

"Ehehe, I have lots of time to practice in the basement!" Flandre was giddy, as if she was a little child having impressed her parents. The two continued to laugh and talk, their voices echoing off the walls of the tunnel. I checked the watch and saw 1:10 (1310) which gave me some time left.

_You know, if I didn't know any better, I'd say they were sisters._ I thought. _There's a sort of magic to this place that makes it so that everyone can just walk up to each other and talk like they were best friends._ _It's a great atmosphere._

I turned around. There would be no use in sticking around too long. I was bending my knees, getting ready to kick off again, before the child turned her attention to me. She flew slowly towards me as I turned back to face them.

"Will you play with me some other time?" The tiny vampire asked. Her head was tilted forward, asking like a little child. I was surprised that the killer from before was actually just a normal kid. She smelled like shampoo and soap, but there was a faint hint of blood somewhere there. I only noticed now that the little crystals on her wings were shaking slightly, seeming to dance with the wind. "Will you?" She impelled again.

"She thinks you're a nice guy." The witch smiled at me. "Oh don't give me that look!" She yelled, seeing me stare daggers at her. "It's not like we were really trying to kill you!"

Although I had my suspicions about the witch's own motive, I smiled, remembering the sisterly feeling that had passed between the two. In my mind's eye, I nodded to myself. _Sure, why not?_

"Just tell me when you're free, and I'll come play with you." I said, smiling and patting the little girl's head. "But not right now, because I have a job to do."

"Are you going further down?" She asked, "If you are, then we're going the same way! Let's go together!"

I looked at the witch but she just nodded. I turned back to the vampire.

"Well, why not?" I asked. "I'll tell you about the job on the way."

"Yay!" The little girl, overjoyed, grabbed onto my back. She was heavy at first, but that was probably just her supernatural strength and speed as a vampire.

"Ow, you're strong." I said. "Alright, my job is pretty simple, really…" I started to lecture. And although I could not see it now, the witch would later tell me she smiled as she followed on after us.

Because after that, she was like a sister to me too.

Delivery 5, Stage 3: Sisterhood. Completed!

Destruction of property!: -500 pts!

Fixing said property!: 1000 pts!

Made fun of by near-death!: 200 points!

Total: 700 points! Rank: D. Okay, you're getting better! Well done!

... _What am I doing with my life?_ I think, as I type down this last sentence. _Oh well, I'll survive, even if Touhou ruins my life._


	9. Deliver 5, Stage 4

Delivery 5, Stage 4: The Glory of Battle

"So yeah, that's pretty much all the places I've been to." I told the little girl who had clamped onto my back.

"Hmm… you're still nothing compared to Marisa, but you're good for a human." She told me.

"Hey, I've only been here a week, and I have a job to do." I said, "I don't have the time to be going around like that."

"Then just ditch your job and live with us! I'm sure sis will let me keep you as a toy!" She pulled herself up my back, to draw our eyes level. _Although being kept as a toy sounds like it would suck, I know what she means. Still…_

"Sorry, but I'll have to pass." I said, looking back forward into the lights of the town in the Former Hell. "I pay my own way, and I like delivering packages."

Those were indeed reasons, but there was one last thing that was troubling me. From all of the cards that I had summoned, something that I had not expected came out. Now that I thought about it, the attacks were extremely weird.

The case of the Emperor Arcana summoning Odin was excusable, to be sure. But the rest of them were awkward.

_Jack Frost and Pyro Jack were most definitely not magicians, but evil spirits. The first time I used the Page of Swords, it was a standard broadsword, but when I called it later to fight that white wolf girl, it came out as Dark Repulser and Elucidator*. Secondly, I recognize the swords from the Six of Swords, those are Black Keys from the Holy Church**. As if that's not weird enough, the World is supposed to call up a shield that defends against all, but in this case it pulled out a hurricane! I didn't even intend to do that! I don't even know what "Sylphid Wings" is supposed to mean. So my power runs deeper than just the cards._

"What's with the scary face?" Only then did I remember that there was a vampire on my back. We were now flying above the streets of Old Hell. "Is something wrong?"

"No, not at all." I said. "Just thinking of things," I said, as I looked down on the town. Youkai went around doing their own business, some yelling at others, some peaceful, others having spell card duels in the middle of the street, and generally going about life in a relaxed and boisterous attitude._ I would love to live down here if my neighbors wouldn't outlive me and have to deal with those two in the tunnel to make social calls._ I thought. Just as I thought this, I made a mental note to come back here in the future. It would certainly be nice to show up back here.

"Oi, you! Yeah, the human with the vampire on his back! Get over here!" I turned towards the source of the yelling and saw what can only be classified as a demon.

Well, oni would be the proper term for the one-horned girl in the white shirt carrying a sake dish who had beckoned to me, but I did not care at this point. Flandre got off of me and said a polite and smiling "Hello!" I, on the other hand, just stopped and turned.

"Oh, it's good to see you again, Yuugi. Do you want another round?" Marisa went up to her and asked casually.

"No, it's those two I'm interested in. I'll see if you're strong enough to keep going into Hell!" She threw that challenge across to us.

"Yay, we get to play with big sis!" Flandre charged carelessly at the oni, her lance Laevatein taking the lead as they began their dance. I followed, caught up in the moment, cards in both of my hands as the spell card barrier put itself up again.

And the funny thing was I was thinking that I would enjoy it. I smiled at the feeling.

_I'm turning into an idiot just like them._ I thought as they began to fire at each other.

"You're really powerful!" Flandre squealed for joy. "Another good opponent to take seriously!"

"You're not bad yourself, but the boy over there still has to show me what he's got!" The oni called out, challenging me. Amazingly, her sake dish had not spilled at all, even as they ducked and weaved around each other's energy attacks, careful to avoid the other's while recklessly shooting their own. But I already knew all that.

The only thing I didn't know, but wanted to know, was the amount of strength it would take to tip that oni's sake dish. The ten cards in my hand flew, transforming into energy halfway through.

"Yes, yes, that's more like it!" Yuugi called. "Your attacks are pretty strong!"

"The coordinated and dancing phantasma- ow I bit my tongue!" I yelled as I pulled out the next string of cards, attempting and failing a badass boast.

"Hee hee, Victor failed at showing off." Flandre giggled, still evading. The other combatant merely smiled, as if she had seen many warriors fall because of that kind of arrogance.

"I really don't have time for this, but I guess this is part of the job!" I yelled. I released the next wave of cards, balled my fists, and charged into the fray.

"That's a much better war cry for a pathetic weakling such as yourself!" Yuugi yelled. "I'll take him on one-on-one!"

"Aww~… but I wanted to play more…" Flandre said, but she reluctantly pulled back. Outside the border, Marisa reassured her with "Don't worry, I'm sure that guy will put up a good fight before he gets beaten into paste!" She grinned from ear to ear again, just so that I could see it.

_I'm beginning to seriously think she's doing this on purpose._ I thought as I flew before the oni. _Man, I'm getting sick of this._

"Are you ready to fight?" She asked. "I won't let you through if you're not strong, you know?"

"I am so pissed off right now. I am sick and tired of having to prove my lack of strength to every other danmaku-user out there. So let's dance, you crazy oni!" I yelled, balling my hands into fists. As if she understood my intention, she balled her fists as well.

"Danmaku and fists, first one to be touched by the other wins, is it?" Yuugi smiled. "Confident, typical man. Let's dance!" With a speed not befitting her figure, her being taller than me and yet as fast as Flandre, she rushed at me, firing the large energy spheres that reminded me of "Storm on Mt. Ooe." I responded by pulling out the entire suit of Coins, throwing it out towards her.

"So you decided to use a wall? I take your challenge!" She yelled, charging through the tiny gaps I had left in the attack. But that was exactly what I had planned. Using my own bullets to hide my movements, I had flown around to her side and was right now lunging at her, when she fired another large sphere of energy that I barely managed to dodge.

"Not bad, youngster!" She smiled as the danmaku continued to fire around her. "But I've been alive too long for a trick like that to work on me!" Suddenly, she seemed to push her speed even more, reaching my side in just a moment. She would tap me, and that would be the end.

"Gotcha, Oni girl." I said. I had used the Page of Wands and his magic to allow me to create and control an illusion to make those attacks, including the ten-card coin attack.

_I know what it feels like to be Alice now, but that was draining. I don't know how much use that would be in a real fight._ I thought. Immediately, I released the suit of swords, creating a tunnel between me and the oni. She smiled as she turned up to me.

"Not bad, you had me distracted there!" She called. "But now it's a contest of power, and I'm going to win!"

"Game on!" I yelled. "I'm used to losing as it is!" With that, she charged straight up the tunnel of swords, vertically towards the spell card barrier.

"Raaaagh!"

"Hora, hora, you can give a better war cry than that!" Yuugi told me, her eyes burning with a fiery light. "Show me the strength of your spirit!"

Ten meters. That insignificant distance was all that separated us at this point.

"Wow, this fight was really good!" Flan squealed for joy. "You were right, this is more fun than just playing!"

"Yeah, if there's one thing that guy can do, it's put on a good show." Marisa smiled. "I might have to smack him back into line soon enough for taking my style, though."

"But I thought you were just a book thief."

"To have a story there must be a conflict, and someone has to start it. It's all about appearances, Flan." Marisa said. "Conflict and stories bring out the best in people. That's something my teacher taught me." At that point she was looking towards the battle, and her eyes slipped into memory as she felt herself enter Reverie. Flandre said nothing to interrupt, knowing that this was what her older sister would call a "solemn moment".

No Stardust.

In a moment, the insignificant distance was gone. The moment was here, when we could gaze into each other's eyes for a fleeting moment before the decisive moment. I felt my fate in my hands and nothing else. There was no sound, no light, nothing except for the oni facing me and attempting to touch me as much as I wanted to touch her.

_Now I know why this always happens in anime. The moment when fate is decided, in the one moment between life and death, it's like you hold your own fate in your hands, with no fear and no regrets! This is the moment where everything you've lived for exists!_

_I could get used to this._ I thought. And just when I thought that, the moment was over.

"Not bad for your first time. Got distracted by the flow, didn't you?" She asked. _Another cheerful one._

"Ah… yeah, I did." I said. "It's crazy."

"Holding your fate in your hands and putting all you have into an attack." The witch from the side butted in. "It's crazy fun, right?"

"Yeah." I said. "But the job comes first. I'd love to drop by some other time, but I have to go, even if you stop me, Yuugi." My hand was wandering near the cards.

"No, I think that's enough for today." Yuugi said. "Go on."

I checked my watch that read 2:30 PM (1430). _Half an hour to make the delivery and get out. This is going to be great._ I thought sarcastically to myself.

"That was great, big bro! Let's play some more!" The vampire called out.

"In that case, let's play catch! I yelled. "Like how I need to catch up to my deadline!"

We sped off into the black, leaving the oni behind. The witch flew down to meet the girl who had still not spilled her sake.

"He's only been here a week, huh, Marisa?" The oni asked.

"Yeah. He's learned how to use those powers fast." She responded.

"A little too fast, if you ask me."

"We'll see."

The witch took off after the deliveryman and the vampire.

Behind the two a purple seam in the tunnel was closed.

_I recognize that kind of power._ The girl across the purple gap, in all of her elegance, said softly to herself. _I know that power well. _She thought this to herself as she closed the gap to the tunnel where the desperate one had been fighting.

_After all, it's just like my own._

Footnotes:

*Dark Repulser and Elucidator are the names of the dual swords used by Kirito (Sword Art Online). Sword skills are also from this series, Linear and Diagonal being of a very basic level.  
**Black Keys of the Holy Church refers to Ciel of Tsukihime or Kotomine of Fate/Stay Night. Here they are: wiki/Church#Artifacts

Delivery 5, Stage 4: The Glory of Battle.

Suspicions mounting!: -2000 points!

Held your ground against an oni!: 1500 points!

Total: - 500 points! F! F! What's wrong with you!? Shape yourself up again! Be a badass!


	10. Intermission

Intermission: Locked Memories: Gap.

She had been alone from a young age for a reason. The Yakumo clan of youkai was a group with power on the level of gods. Some say they were angels, others say that they are tied to the existence of the universe itself, and many have tried and failed to check their origins, leading to people deciding it didn't matter. Blessed with long life, educated in the ways of the world and the ways of magic, they held power over all the world from their seat of power in Heaven. They were the closest thing to "God, he who watches over all of existence."

It seems as though they had nothing more to seek for, so they spent their lives in boredom. They amused themselves by sparring with one another and watching the humans below as they lived their lives. This was about a thousand two hundred years ago, so tales of powerful beings still ran rampant, terrorizing people. Yet some of them were more preoccupied with each other and how to conquer their neighbor, while others still wished to make the neighbor part of their flock. For a group who could easily watch and see all of these developments from Heaven, it was interesting to watch people grow and learn. It had become a family pastime for the small household. There were few of them despite their strength, the father Kirei Yakumo, the mother Sazae Yakumo, and the sisters Yukari and Sayaka. Kirei and Sazae were quite old, being about as old as the gods themselves, while Sayaka was born on what we would call 1000 BC, Yukari following five years after. The two of them were much alike, blonde hair and somewhat tall and refined, although Sayaka's eyes were green while Yukari's were a purple that seemed to give her thought the depth of the world. They dressed in different clothes, Sayaka's being indigo while Yukari wore purple.

Now, being peaceful beings of immense power, Kirei and Sazae had decided to do nothing to interfere with the outside world. However, they wanted their daughters Sayaka and Yukari to be positive influences on the world, and thus they were tasked to follow two civilizations of the other world and follow them. Sayaka chose the Greek city-states, carefully marking their rise and fall, becoming known to them as the goddess of strategy, Pallas Athena. Yukari went through the same drill with the early Japanese, carefully charting their development before the era of warlords, when they all lived close to one another. Although not making herself stand out, she was a somewhat popular figure, being referenced in a poem of that era. Being quite young and inexperienced, and having this as their first experience, they were quite affected by it, and when they came back up after a hundred years, the sisters who had mixed like water were now far different. Before they would agree on everything, getting along like the best of friends. However, when they got back, things changed.

The most obvious change was that Sayaka had adopted Western armor, while Yukari had kept the classic Lolita clothes of Heaven. Secondly, Sayaka had become muscular, much ruder, and more of a warrior, while Yukari was prim, practiced, and could easily conceal her emotion, a perfect negotiator. Together and separately, they had become the most different sisters one could imagine.

"I don't know what we should do!" Sayaka yelled. "People are naturally chaotic, fighting one another even as they share the same language! Because of that, we should put them all under one leader who has power over them all!" In this, she was echoing the demand of the Athenians of the Delian League, to consolidate all of Greece.

"What do you mean 'one leader'!?" Yukari countered. "All you need to do is to maintain the balance between the groups by moving in the background, and you can lead them all!" She yelled. She recalled the balance of power between tribes, and the way that the leaders had settled their disputes, personally between themselves and only bringing their subjects in when war was truly the only way.

"Yukari, both you and I know that that's not possible." Sayaka said, calming down somewhat. "People respond to power, and that is the truth."

"They also respond to persuasion. You only think of military power." Yukari said. "Has their calling you the 'goddess of war strategy' gotten to you?"

"I led them!" Sayaka yelled. "I led them to victory over the Persians, and what did you do with your time!?" She began to get hysterical. "You had a poem dedicated to you! What is that supposed to do, bring world peace!?"

"I admit I didn't do much, and that I could have done more, but did their victory over the Persians lead to their unity? No." Yukari said. She was calm and composed. "You were only leading them to victory over their enemy, not towards a future. While you were killing, I was guiding."

"Guiding them to what!?" Sayaka yelled, unable to control herself much longer. "Leading from the shadows, nudging them gently, that won't change a bit!"

"As if your policy of war has changed anyone for the better."

"They LEARNED, sister. Understand that much, they LEARNED from their mistakes, while you hid the mistakes of your people in the shadows." Sayaka said, in a flat rejection of her sister's opinion. She took up her parasol. "I'm leaving. When the mistakes your people make come out from under the carpet, don't come crying to me."

"Wait!" Yukari called, but her sister was already gone. She was alone. When her parents returned she explained the situation, recounting the conversation. They only nodded. They agreed that the time had come for the two to live on their own. With that, Yukari packed up and joined the youkai of Japan in what was to be Gensokyo. She became a well-known mediator, and was acknowledged as the strongest among the youkai. In her time, she did much of both ends, invading the moon, making friends with a human, and sealing Gensokyo off from the outside world, all of which probably had something to do with her ideology of "shadow leadership".

She saw her sister all of once during that time, but once was enough. Her parents had sent a letter around the 1500s in order to bring her back. As she was not busy at that point in time, she had obliged.

It was their parent's stupid plan to get them back together, that they would invite them both without the other knowing. Before then, the Yakumo clan was always known as invincible, immortal, and indestructible. Their power was spoken of throughout Heaven, even when the ages changed. In the few times that Kirei went out to take issue with the other gods, the issue would be quickly resolved.

After that, the Yakumo clan's history would all be on the shoulders of Yukari. When she arrived, using the purple seam in the world to arrive almost immediately, she saw the unthinkable.

_Sayaka. House destroyed._

That was all that registered in her mind, which began to accept more details. _Sayaka with her parasol. Sayaka wearing armor and helmet like she did when she first came back from Greece. She still has her shield with that horrible Medusa's head on it, but she's got cards in her other hand._ She watched as Sayaka pulled out another card.

"World Sign: Cronus Burst!" It was a cry of hatred and revenge, Sayaka's infernal scream.

A power began to run through the ground. Somewhere in the distance, the power of an Elder God gathered, enough to destroy every being in the world twenty thousand times over. But that was not the important thing that Sayaka sought.

What she sought was the power to kill the immortal, even the gods. To her, their home and their past was nothing but a nuisance, to be destroyed and remade by the fires of war, that those who survive would learn from the experience.

They would learn to fear Sayaka.

Yukari could not understand this. She did not know the concept of "One who lords over all". She only knows the concept of "Keeping the balance of power".

So it came as no surprise that the power's total and absolute destruction of their home and past was the meteor that lighted the blaze that consumed all of the world. It took the form of a lightning bolt, leaving the remains charred and broken, with nothing remaining. Such was the power of the gods that Pallas Athena had learned to use. In response, purple seams began to line the world around them, opening into dilated red eyes of hating revenge. The purple gaps seemed to block out even the light of the sun and the stars, replacing it with the darkness of the deep purple gap and the hateful gaze of the bloodshot red eyes.

Such was the strength of the youkai's rage.

"So you came, sister." Sayaka said, holding five cards out in front of her in a fan. "Let me read your fortune."

"How… How dare you do this!" Yukari screamed, pointing her folded umbrella made out of Japanese paper at her sister. "Killing our family… why!?"

"We, the Yakumos, are the most powerful." Sayaka said. "But we are neither feared nor loved, so we cannot rule. If I kill the most powerful, all in the world will fear and obey me!" She yelled it hysterically out into the sky. "All of the world in the hands of one person… all of them living peacefully with one another!"

"That will be nothing but an illusion." Yukari said. Her negotiator's nerves let her force herself to be calm, even as the reality of her family's death at her sister's hands sank in. "One day, sister, you will fall from that pedestal, and you will not have the privilege of being able to ask for my help."

"Fine." Sayaka drew a card. "Oh, your fortune is bad." She said, revealing the card that she had been holding. On it was the door to Hell, with the number XIII on the bottom.

Death Sign: Thanatos Gambit! The Greek god of Death himself came out, coffin covers flying like the wind. Yukari concentrated, closing the gap between her and Thanatos. Normally, that would have been a reckless move. However, she had made friends with a human and her sword-wielding gardener.

She placed the wakizashi* expertly on Thanatos, picturing the knife point as her own finger, returning the Greek God of death back to his place.

"So you've mastered your control over the gaps." Sayaka said. "Funny for a person who never fights to be able to use her gaps for combat like that."

"Manipulating people requires… varied techniques, onee-chan." Yukari responded curtly. She lunged, umbrella in one hand and wakizashi in the other.

"Ha! Don't think that I can't fight either!" Sayaka bent her knees and pulled out a rapier and a short dagger and adopting a sideways stance, holding the right side closer to Yukari and the left side hanging back. In her right hand was a rapier, ready to stab, while the left contained a parrying dagger used for defense.

"I have you now!" She lunged forward, stabbing quickly at her sister's chest. However, as her rapier went through the umbrella, it opened, deflecting her lunge. "What!?"

"Don't underestimate the power of everyday objects." Yukari said. The wakizashi and the dagger met. Sayaka's technique with the dagger allowed her to push off the wakizashi, but Yukari continued her relentless assault, even pushing her hands through gaps in order to make quick strikes before Sayaka could close them over Yukari's arm. However, because Sayaka could also sense the gaps being opened, it turned into a war of attrition where even one bad move could kill whoever made it.

"Not bad, little sister!" Sayaka called, taunting her sister. "Show me more of the techniques you learned as you shied away from the battlefield!" Opposite her was Yukari. Although she had the advantage in brainpower, she did not have as much stamina as her sister, who was the Greek goddess of war and strategy. As a result, she was panting in a low stance, but her eyes refused to give in. Nobody came to help.

Right now, this battlefield was private ground, the battle of two monsters whose level was beyond any other. Both of them began firing off Heaven's high-level magic of lasers and sonic booms.

The point of this was a simple duel, to force one of them to slip up and to use their powers. This for them was merely probing for information.

But when the weakest attack is enough to blow a tunnel straight through a mountain, what more will they be able to do when they start truly fighting? Sayaka quickly answered the question.

"Enough of these games!" Sayaka yelled. "Devil Sign: Lucifer!" A burning hole in the ground appeared, and the fallen angel exited, facing Yukari straight on.

"Tch, don't get cocky!" Yukari countered quietly by closing the gap between herself and an angel, giving her power enough to fight them both. She continued to fire her great attacks, distracting the demon with every shot.

"Who's getting cocky, to take on the Overlord of Hell with just an angel!" Sayaka taunted her sister again. "World Sign: Revelation!" Meteors began to rain down, the water began to boil, and the trumpeters that were the heralds of death began to play their tones. On her left, the demon had taken some damage from her

_Damn, two attacks of such power just by using the gap between reality and belief? How is this possible? Unfortunately for her, I have a power that can break hers._

The meteors came down and the devil struck, but Yukari was completely unharmed. She had already escaped into one of her gaps.

"It's no use." Sayaka said. "I'll just pull you out defenseless, and then where would you be?"

"Have you ever heard of Onmyodo (Japanese forms of magic)?" Yukari asked her.

"No, and I couldn't care less about those worthless magics you learned over there." She said. "With my power, the magic I have learned can make me immortal many times over!"

"Oh really?" Yukari asked. "Let's see how immortal you are without magical energy."

The purple gap opened up right behind Sayaka, who had been distracted by her sister's talking. Yukari's hand shot out.

On it was an ofuda that read "Seal Magical Powers." They were both quite powerful, and with the element of surprise Yukari was the clear victor. Both the fallen angel and the meteor exploded into fog as Sayaka had the ofuda placed on her.

"You lose, sister." Yukari said. "It's time to end you."

"Oh no you don't!" Sayaka let out a shout, quickly turning into a hysterical scream. Her hair was out of its normal place at the back of her head, it having flown wildly all over her face. "As long as I have these cards, I will never be defeated!" Yukari struck her down without a second thought, killing her with a blast to the face that none could survive. A barrage of ofuda, demons from the depths of Hell, and even the Kusanagi sword fell on top of Sayaka, eliminating even those who surpassed angels, the Yakumos.

After that Yukari became ever more engrossed in her planning, using every opportunity to lessen the damage from conflict and to teach people to live in order. Eventually this led to the creation of Gensokyo, where her plans continued. Only recently, during the Cherry Blossom incident, did she learn to relax her guard. But she had good reason not to.

_Sayaka's mastery of the "gap between belief and reality" is immense._ She thought. _So if she believed it, she could have returned and escaped the banishing charm for her and her alone that I placed in the Hakurei Border._ As Yukari thought this, her shikigami Ran came in.

"Yukari-sama." She said. "Tea."

"Ran, do we need anything?" She asked. Although her normally cheerful and careless disposition was yet to fully return, it was enough to stop the seven-tailed one from worrying.

"No, not yet."

"Then I'll be heading off to the Moriya Shrine later. There's some business I need to take care of; watch the house for me."

"Understood." Ran said, and left the room. Her own shikigami must have run in front of her, because Yukari could hear a loud "CHEEEN!" from the corridor. She smiled.

"I can't let what happened with Sayaka happen again." She stood up, again on a mission to protect all of Gensokyo. Despite her seemingly flighty nature, she was a thinker and a hard worker, only doing it all behind the scenes.

The pictures of her friends Reimu, Yuyuko, and Youmu on the side table said that much about her. And of course she still had her shikigami to consider.

_I built this place, now I'll defend it. _She thought. _Just another day being Gensokyo's super-cop._

Footnote/Random Knowledge:

*A Wakizashi is a shortsword about the length of a forearm, but built the same way as a katana.


	11. Delivery 5, Stage 5

_Whoa, that last chapter came out heavy. Don't worry, I'm not going to turn Gensokyo into a warlike hell… yet. In the meantime, though, enjoy this thoroughly unserious adventure through Former Hell! It contains:_

_A zoo!_

_A crazy mansion!_

_And grand theft!_

Delivery 5: Stage 5: The Queens of Former Hell.

"Gah, get off of me, crazy little vampire!" I yelled, forcing all of my bodily strength into pulling up, somehow managing against her strength. "Heavy little kid." I muttered to myself.

"Its impolite to call a girl heavy!" She pouted, quite cutely at that, but I paid it no heed. I looked up at my new flight path and discovered the wall of the Palace of the Earth Spirits, Satori's home.

"Oh cr-" was all I had time to say before my entire body smashed into the wall all at once. "Ow!" I was squashed flat against the wall. It felt like I had been turned into a human pancake.

"Ahahahahaha, that's what you get for calling a girl heavy!" Flandre squealed out in joy as I slumped against the wall. I saw the witch catch up and stifle a laugh, but I was too busy holding my crushed side to throw a card out at them.

What had happened was this; I had been flying calmly at my maximum speed barely a meter above the ground, frantically trying to meet my deadline, when the crazy little-girl vamp had caught up to me and hugged me. From above. Which brought my face dangerously close to becoming part of the dirt of Old Hell. Therefore I pulled up, and so the above situation.

"Agh." I said, hovering just above the ground. "At least I didn't break anything." I looked up at the wall. No damage, thank God. I walked up to the door, an ornate, dark-brown creation which was probably walnut wood. There were two brass knockers on it, one in the shape of a cat's head and the other in the shape of a raven's head. I took the raven-headed knocker in my hand and knocked.

"Yes, come in." A disembodied voice called out from the sky. For them it must have been normal to hear that, but for me, it was extremely weird. I hesitated for a few moments, after which the voice called out again. "And no, I am not disembodied, I am just extremely busy, so if you would go up the stairs, turn right, and knock on the third door to your left, that would be nice." I identified the disembodied voice as a girl.

"Oh-kay." I said, opening the door.

"No, I am not a crazy woman, I am syncing my mind to yours and talking straight into your head." She said. "And I can read your thoughts, so you'd best not be thinking of anything stupid, got it?" I looked back at the two, who simply shrugged, their eyes seeming to tell me "why are you looking at us?" As such, I proceeded up the stairs. The house was well-decorated in a Western style, with the full set of banisters, tiles, and chandeliers. The paintings on the wall depicted a pink-haired girl with a different set of pets in every picture.

"Yes, the 'pet-fetish' girl you see there in the pictures is me." The girl's voice was cold, understandable for someone who had just been called a "girl with a pet fetish" by someone who was just a guest in her house. The pictures flipped over to the hanging side, which was like a rejection of my presence. Despite that, I heard the pictures say "ow" when they hit he walls.

_Crazy house and its living paintings. _I thought.

"You know, you could've just given me directions while I was inside." I said out loud, quite sure that she would hear it either through her ears or through her mind. _Or through those crazy paintings._

"Yes, but then you would be freaked out and might destroy something _inside _my house, which is less resilient than that wall you hit, Mr. Hunter."

"It's common courtesy to introduce yourself first when talking to others." I said. "And also, you'd better watch what you do, psycho woman!" I yelled, throwing open the door. Over there, behind the desk and almost hidden by a huge stack of papers, was the pink-haired psychic girl with the third eye and the blue dress, thoroughly surprised by my entrance. "Don't underestimate the strength of an idiot!"

"Amazing, this is just like with Okuu." She said. "I can never tell what she's doing because she's not thinking. But where are my goods? I don't think you can carry twenty kilos of food plus five kilos worth of grooming kits in your shirt, can you?"

"Oh yes I can." I said. I stuck my hand under my jacket and began to throw out sack after sack and box after box of items. "Don't underestimate the power of video games!" In truth, I had just used Temperance Sign (Reverse): Eternal Glutton to swallow all of the items and let them out here. _Thank God for baggage space. And that I don't have to carry those talking pictures with me._

"Oh, but there is another stage to this delivery. I need you to take the atomic one to Utsuho in person." She said, handing back a box. "I've already signed for it, but I'm horribly busy, so you have to do it." I looked over at the papers she kept. They were finance reports for herself, and for all of the pets individually, and she was horribly in the red. _Well, I guess it won't hurt much._ I thought. I opened the window behind the desk, letting some of the wind out.

"Which way?" I asked, putting my feet on the window sill.

"Pets play in the backyard." She said, furiously scribbling. "Go away, and close the window behind you; the wind's going to blow away my papers." She said. I quickly obeyed, kicking off the windowsill and closing it behind me.

_She really lives for nothing but her pets, doesn't she._ I thought. The two had come around the back, and were flying through the garden as well.

"Okay, Flan, we're going to go meet the strong person now!" Marisa burst through the garden, trailing small vampire as she went.

Satori's hundreds of pets were also there. Ranging from dogs to dragons to unicorns and back to full-fledged hellhounds, they were all led by a single, red-headed cat girl that the others seemed to call Orin, which I knew because the nameplate was on one of the crazy pictures, along with a red-haired catgirl. They seemed to be having an assembly of some sort. I had a vaguely bad feeling about this set-up. _What kind of crazy animal parade is this?_

"Pets, I know that we are not exactly the most hardworking or useful!" The red-eared catgirl was on stage, addressing the other pets. "However, if you would help me carry corpses, it would let me work to help Miss Satori-" The speech was cut halfway through by a meteor.

"COMING THROUGH!" Marisa yelled, a meteor rushing through the pets. Three or four of them were unluckily hit, being thrown hundreds of meters into the air and far away. "Sorry we couldn't fight this time, but we're going straight to the hell raven! Love Sign: Blazing Star!" At that moment Flandre got on Marisa's broom with a tiny giggle. "Heehee, we're going to fly!" She squealed out in a high-pitched voice as they trailed light and sound, bursting all the way to the back of the garden. In the process, all of the pets, including Orin, were thrown into an uproar. Danmaku was fired everywhere, pets unleashing their strongest attacks on each other, and I was in the middle of it.

_I am going to kill you for this, you damned witch._ I thought. I charged through the barrage being fired from every direction. Already there was a great bear in my way, right in front of my flight path. It looked five feet tall on all fours, and was definitely not a normal bear. _Might have to kill that for a quest later on._

"Out of my way!" I yelled, vaulting over the bear. Not a moment too soon, because dragon's fire hit the side of the bear, burning it. As for me, I was ambushed by a sort of liquid yellow danmaku._ Animal piss!?_ With that thought I dodged it, barely leaving space between myself and the yellow menace _What kind of crazy carnival is this!?_ I continued to fly forward through claw strikes, falling feathers, balls of fire, and falling stone statues. Apparently there were basilisks among the pets. _Who keeps this many crazy killer pets!? And they're all so undisciplined! _

And then a unicorn, like from the fairy tales, white and shining, came charging at me. It was unbelievable. It was probably in one of those crazy pictures which had flipped themselves over.

_What DON'T they have down here? _I thought. Then I refocused myself, looking at the monster that was charging at me.

For a moment, it was the same feeling as I had when I fought Yuugi. It was the one moment when my life or death would be decided. I could even hear the beating of my heart, methodically pumping lifeblood through me.

_Lub-dub. Ten meters away. An insignificant distance to us. I held my airspace._

_Lub-dub. Five meters. I could stare straight into the horned horse's eyes, a stare which it returned with deadly intensity._

_Lub-dub. Three meters. There would be no point in dodging now. There was only one way for me._

_Lub-dub._

"Oh yeah! I'm on a unicorn!" With that, I leaned to the side, grabbing the horned horse as it flew past and flipping myself onto it. "Let's ride!"

What happened next was that it threw me off in midair and I started falling. To this day I had no idea what stupid impulse implored me to try to actually ride the unicorn, but I cannot imagine it now.

And if you're reading this, dear unicorn, I apologize. But right now I allowed myself to fall a bit, the unicorn having risen some distance before throwing me off. I grabbed onto the back of a dragon.

The end of the melee was right there. I grabbed onto the dragon's rough scales as it flew through the sky. Running on its back, I jumped forward, away from the melee and into the furnace. _Yes, I'm going to make it! _Seeing me, the dragon took a breath, preparing to breathe fire at me. _He's gonna make it!_ I thought, pulling out a card.

"Wands!" I yelled. A whip flew out of my hand, cracking before the dragon could begin its fiery assault. Surprised at the sound, it turned its head and breathed fire at the unicorn which I had not seen was chasing me.

_Serves you right. Now I'm free. Have fun at the zoo._

At least, that was what I thought. A blackbird escaping from the battle unloaded its excrement on me. The white substance spattered on the top of my head.

"Dammit!" I yelled. "I'm going to need to wash my hair a thousand times after this!" _I hate this zoo!_

"But who says you're making it out?" A voice called behind me. I turned to see the red-haired catgirl with a wheelbarrow this time. "Your corpse would be perfect!"

"Why the hell would you need my corpse!?" I asked disbelievingly.

"It keeps the temperature down, and it keeps Okuu amused." Orin said. "So even if you are just here for your job, I have to take your corpse."

"Dutiful. If the Yama had a subordinate like you she'd be more satisfied with life." I said, putting my hand in my jacket. "Then let's dance, shall we?"

"Gladly." She said, firing off a huge barrage of danmaku. I put my other hand in another pocket of my jacket, after which I threw both of the items.

Deception Sign: A Ball of Yarn and Some Catnip, was what I would like to call that pathetic attempt at counterdanmaku. "I'll give you a fair fight someday, but I'm fifteen behind schedule as it is!"

"I'll make you pay for this!" She yelled, turning her head back and forth, trying to decide whether to chase after the yarn or the catnip. Life or death decisions aside, I rushed into the inferno, being careful to put my hair in the fire after the bird poop hit it. Which resulted in my hair being on fire, forcing me to suffocate it with my jacket. _That's just great._

The delivery was in a bag hanging off my leg. I pulled it up to my arm. I had a feeling that putting it in fire would not be safe. I proceeded farther into the furnace.

"I told you she was strong, Flan!" I heard their voices before I could see the battle.

"Yeah, she's good! This is fun!" That was Flandre, again squealing with delight. I checked the watch. _1550_. _I'll make this one quick._

That was what I thought before I entered the battlefield. The hell raven was fighting with miniature suns, throwing them at Flandre and Marisa and filling the gaps with fireballs. How anyone had ever survived that kind of barrage was anyone's guess. And they were weaving through it and acting like it was fun. The hell raven in the middle seemed to be having fun as well, screaming something about "this is more fun than taking over Gensokyo."

I stared at the display of seemingly inescapable danmaku for a few seconds before an "Oh, what are you doing here?" from Marisa brought me back to my senses. How she could dodge and talk at the same time was anyone's guess.

"I'm doing the mind-reader a favor." I said, holding up the package. "Call this off, this is the hell raven's."

"You can just leave it there, it won't get hit or anything." She said, indicating a spot on the ground. But I would not accept that. I still had my pride as a delivery boy.

"No." I said. "I'm coming in now." With that, I plunged straight into the spell card barrier, into the blazing heat of Hell, and into the bullet hell that awaited.

"You idiot." The witch said.

"I learned from the best." I responded, half as a compliment to her and the other half as an insult to the same as I began to duck and weave between the fires of hell. "Hey Utsuho!" I yelled. "I've got a package for you!" I knew it would be no use because she was taking on Flandre one-to-one, with the other attacks meant only to stall us.

"You're better than Orin, but let's see how you like this!" Utsuho raised the shiny yellow cannon on her right hand and began firing. Flandre beat away the fire with her own lance. I was slowly moving closer to the fight, sweaty and sticky from the heat.

"Let's make you go 'kyuu'!" Flandre yelled. She gathered power as she weaved between the bullets, all the while totally focused on Utsuho. I, on the other hand, was panicking.

_Damn, what do I do?_ I thought. _If Utsuho goes 'kyuu' or whatever Flandre calls her killer move, I can't make the delivery. And there's no way I'll be able to interrupt Flandre's attack. _There was no good way out. _Wait… they have the mental age of children! That's it!_

Not really expecting my stupid idea to work, I threw a piece of candy into the air in desperation. But then something strange happened. I sensed the eyes of both of them, not just Flandre or Utsuho, but both of them were now fixated on the candy. It had been on sale in the Human Village, and it was special, worth twice as much as normal. But it was top-of-the-line, sold only on the eve of every festival. I had really been looking forward to eating it when the job was done.

"MINE!" They screamed at the same time, both charging for the little wrapped sweet, yet still effortlessly dodging the attacks that were still flying around.

_Why is everyone here a complete idiot!?_ I thought to myself as they reached for the sweet.

"Haha, yes, I win!" Utsuho yelled, closing her hand around the candy. She had the wings of a raven, although besides that, her gigantic black hair which stretched down to her ankles, the green bow which held it in place, and the red eye that was on her chest, she could have been mistaken for an ordinary girl. Which she had been dressed up as in one of the mansion's crazy pictures.

"Aww~." Flandre said, quickly turning her rage on me. "Why'd you make me lose!?" Ignoring her, I handed over the package to Utsuho.

"Take it. It's from Satori." I said. "I'm just the delivery boy."

"Huh?" She said, opening it. "Oh, okay, thanks." She said, waving me off. _Well, that was fairly normal. _I thought. _That's a first._

"You'd better check your time." Marisa warned me. I looked down at my watch. She had been grinning quite maliciously when she said that, and I understood why.

_1601. _It read 1601. 4:01 PM. I was behind schedule.

"You definitely did that on purpose." I said, hanging my head and taking a breath. Behind me, Flandre and Utsuho were already arguing over their rematch.

"Fine then! I'm getting out of here!" I yelled, throwing my entire weight behind myself back to the exit. Just then, the unicorn showed itself in front of me. It was shining white in all its glory, a force of good and help for all, the purity of the moon and of beauty. I charged towards it.

"C'mere, brat!" I yelled, grabbing onto it. "I'll call you Killer! Now, Killer, let's go! We're not stopping 'till we reach the Human Village!" The formerly uncooperative unicorn was suddenly very obedient, racing towards the exit.

And so I flew out of the Hell of Blazing Fires without a delivery, but now with a unicorn. It caused quite the spectacle when I landed in the village, with everyone crowding around it.

"You brought a unicorn with you, ze!?" The boss said, quickly covering his mouth afterwards.

"She's called Killer. Because she almost killed me." I said. An awkward silence passed between us, although it was broken quickly by the boss.

"You must be tired, why don't you rest?" He asked.

"Yeah, but I'll be late for the shrine if I don't go now." I said. "Give me the items."

"It's just the Moriya Shrine, what could possibly go wrong?" He asked.

"Boss, I have been attacked by a doll-wielder and a poison doll, a flower master, and have been judged by the Yama. I have been attacked by spiders, jealous elf-eared girls, mind-readers, and mythical beasts. Everything and anything can and will go wrong." I said.

He handed over the goods, and so I flew out into the night. I left Killer behind with the villagers, hopefully they don't make horse steak out of her.

"And now I'm twenty minutes off-schedule." I said to myself. "I'm such an idiot."

Delivery 5, Stage 5: The Queens of Former Hell.

You are now late!: -1000 points!

You're an idiot! A total idiot!: -2500 points!

Wasted your candy: -1000 points!

Got pooped on by a bird: -1000 points!

Obsessed yourself with the pictures in Satori's house!: -1000 points!

You let the author upstage you!: -500 points!

RODE A UNICORN THROUGH THE HELL OF BLAZING FIRES: OVER 9000 POINTS! JACKPOT!

Total: OVER 9000. A+. Come on, you rode a unicorn! Totally worth it, right!? I told you you could do it!

Comments:

Why is everyone, even the disembodied voice giving me ratings, a complete idiot!?


	12. Delivery 5, Stage 6

Delivery 5, Stage 6: Up and Down the mountain.

"Kha, I can't believe I got stuck flying with this reporter again." I said to myself.

"That's right, you're an interesting fella who attracts stories, so I gotta follow you as much as I can." The annoying crow tengu had followed me again. "'sides, this is my home territory."

"Well, I expected that much." I said, flying silhouetted against the sinking sun and the orange sky. "But being a story magnet?"

"I heard about what you did at the Palace of the Earth Spirits after I left." She said. "It takes me half the time you take to make the story for me to check it out."

"So what did you get?" I asked in a resigned tone.

"Oh, not much." Aya responded. "Just something about you stealing a unicorn and making two of the strongest idiots in Gensokyo fight over candy."

"So you've got that witch as a side reporter now?" I asked.

"No, I had to fight the info out of her, but it was worth it." Aya seemed somewhat happy about that. "It's always interesting to go up against powerful humans like that."

"Come to think of it, are you going to help me get up this mountain?" I said, indicating her home, the Youkai Mountain. "I only have thirty minutes to get to the top of this monster."

"Unless it makes for a good story, then no." She said. "But having you late wouldn't make for an interesting scoop…" She went off into thought, lazily keeping up with me. _Well, she's a good journalist, I can agree with that much._ I thought.

"Yo, I've been wondering." I called her attention and she turned. "Why did you decide to write a newspaper?"

"Oh, so just because he's been hanging around me he thinks he's a journalist now." Aya took a good look at me, still flying above my maximum speed, yet easily not even a fourth of hers. "Well, you're not getting that secret out from me, I'm afraid." She said, as if mocking me.

"Doesn't matter." I said, although it actually did to me. "I'll live either way."

"I sense a lie in there~!" She said, as if zooming in on my weakness. "You really, really wanted to know, didn't you?"

"And what if I did?" I asked her, but she sped up, far away from me.

_Guess I'll never know._ I thought. _This mountain is pretty high, but it doesn't have a snow line._ I made that absentminded observation. The mountain was all trees, from bottom to top. On one of the sides was the headquarters of the newspaper, which I had already visited once. I felt something cold hit the back of my head.

_Snow… wait, it's not cold enough on Youkai Mountain to snow!?_

"I brought my friends! We're going to settle this right here and now!" The little blue ice fairy called out.

"This is your friend, Cirno?" An older-looking fairy, with green hair that was tied up, asked.

"He looks pretty powerful." Another girl with blue clothes, but this one with white hair and a much larger figure. "Hora, let's go!"

"Hey, we didn't even get to make our introductions!" A pinkly-dressed girl with brown hair and wings like a bird and a boy(?) with green hair, insect antennae and shorts complained at once. "Letty, don't just cut us off!"

"If you're going to take me on, then just try it, all of you!" I yelled. Immediately each of them raised an attack.

"One by one, girls, we don't want to have to fight over the spoils." The large one looked stronger than the rest, probably a youkai whose job it was to take charge.

"Hell no way!" I yelled. "I've only got fifteen minutes, so I'll take you all on at once!" I yelled.

"Fine by me! Let's go!" The ice fairy yelled out. They raised their spell cards.

Vocal Sign: Hooting in the Night was quickly followed by Firefly Sign: Little Bug Storm, which was chained to a huge barrage from the green-haired fairy and Winter Sign: Flower Wither Away. The amount of attacks was incredible. Not only could I now not see, I was being assaulted by a wave of fluorescent bugs, probably fireflies, off-key singing, an intense sense of cold which was backed up by what looked like wings of green bullets, and good old energy danmaku. There was no way that I could dodge through all of that and come out on the other side.

But that was all rendered null when my prediction came true.

Freeze Sign: Perfect Freeze! Cirno yelled out, assuming her position at the center.

"WAIT YOU IDIOT DON'T!" Four voices called that out at the same time, but they were too late.

All the bullets headed for me just froze. Each and every one was in its own ice prison. Not letting the opportunity pass, I threw my spell as the four of them facepalmed.

Tower Sign: Shiva the Destroyer! Eight spears, one for each of the god of destruction's arms, came out to throw spears and other weapons at my opponents. Naturally, the idiot whose fault it was their first attack had failed was first, but after that, I stopped firing. They looked at me.

"Use that first attack again, and introduce yourselves properly!" I said. "It's a shame she ruined such a perfect move, and I'd like to know your names when I beat you into the ground!"

I still don't understand what kind of impulse propelled me to say that.

"Quite confident, aren't we?" The blue one who seemed to be the leader said. "Letty Whiterock, the spirit of winter."

"That attitude reminds me of someone I know, only less restrained." I said to myself, thinking of that knife-wielding maid.

"I'm Mystia Lorelei, night-sparrow youkai~!" The one wearing pink with brown hair sang.

"Erm… Daiyousei! I'm a fairy!" The green-haired one spoke up, almost as if she was forcing the words out. "Nice to meet you!"

"I'm Wriggle Nightbug, firefly youkai and—" She would have continued, but I could not resist.

"YES! THE FIRST FELLOW DANMAKU-USING MAN!" I yelled out.

"I'm a girl!" He yelled, but I retorted with "You wear shorts!"

"Mou~!" She pouted, antennae flailing about. "I'm going to kill you! Wriggle Sign: Little Bug Storm!

"Then I'll join in! Hawk Sign: Ill-Starred Dive!

"Firing!" Daiyousei called.

"It's time. Cold Sign: Cold Snap!"

"I'll take you all on! Shiva, attack!" Between their reformed attacks of little dagger-points, energy bubbles, crystals, randomly fired snowflakes, and cold mist, my spears and swords flew through the air. I ducked and weaved as flippantly as possible, even throwing in a cheery full loop and a barrel roll. I ended up in the middle of the four's fire, all of them attacking from a different direction, with me facing Letty, Wriggle behind me, Mystia to my right, and Daiyousei to my left.

"Fancy flying won't save you!" A new barrage of wintry wind assaulted me.

"Maybe not from you, but it works wonders on your friends!" I yelled, unexpectedly turning in midair and throwing a spear at Wriggle, while at the same time falling to escape the cold.

"Ack!" Wriggle took the spear to the chest, which dissipated into a huge burst of energy. "I got hit!"

"No way you can be a man; you would have caught that one if you were!" I tossed that remark off while dodging the sparrow's renewed assault.

"Here we go! Night-Blindness: Song of the Night Sparrow!"

"En garde!" I yelled, and began randomly throwing spears into the darkness. I knew that the youkai could see me clearly as my feet touched ground. "Shiva, bring forth the destruction of flame!" The card obliged, and the weapons suddenly burst into flame, revealing the youkai hiding in the dark. More importantly, though…

"Gah, what's with the light!?" Mystia yelled. I tossed a spear towards the voice, a loud and carefree _pchuun!_ following almost immediately after.

"Go back to your perch, little bird." I said, as the sky turned back into the orange of almost-night. _Three down, two to go._

"Ho, you're not bad." The winter youkai continued to fire at me as the green fairy pulled back a bit. _So you're defending yourself, eh?_ "But I won't let you win so easily!"

"Right back at you." I said. I took up one of the flaming spears in my hands. It was hot, but it didn't hurt, strangely. I pushed off of the ground. _I'll have to find a way to take out the little green one first._ I thought as I charged back into the blizzard. It seemed much colder than before.

"Kh!" I drew the black jacket closer, but the two did not let the opportunity pass. "There!" Letty ordered. "Fire around him!" They fired an immense cloud of bullets, forcing me to weave, tossing the spear at them as I flew. Losing my source of heat, I felt my bodily heat be sapped away by the cold air.

_Not good, taking down the other three has worn me down a bit._ I thought. _This could be bad…_

I started to shiver, still firing spears at the two. But they had learned the patterns, and I would need to switch up the attack.

"Here we go, then. Hermit Sign: Daisoujou The Holy Man!" A barrage of ofuda, more dense than even the snow and ice of winter, seemed to fall from the sky out of nowhere. Although the girl of winter fired off a last volley before getting out of the way safely, her companion was not so lucky, being shot down by the cloud of paper.

"Alright, it's time to stop playing around!" The youkai said. "You're good, so I'm sure you won't die even if I do this!" The temperature dropped sharply, forcing me to hug one of the flaming spears close to my body.

"Kha!" I breathed out sharply. "Is it this cold every winter!?"

"No, this is the Cold Sign: Ice Age Revolution!" Letty yelled. "It's only once a hundred years I can pull this one out, so be honored!"

"Oh crap." I said. Icebergs of every variety, size, shape, and color appeared above me. The ground itself turned into a sea of ice, and the temperature dropped to something a bit below zero Kelvin. They charged at me with unbelievable speed.

I closed my eyes. _This feeling again._ I thought. _It's getting more and more common now, the decisive moment._ I could sense it all. Three icebergs coming in fron different directions, with a fourth one near Letty. _No problem._ I rushed up through the gap, my body seeming to ignore the cold and be grateful for the joy of heat in the muscles. I tore through the gap in the icebergs like it was a wide open field, gleefully flying straight at Letty. The only obstacle left was the last iceberg. The decisive moment was still on, which could mean only one thing.

It was all just a trap.

"Goodbye, confident human!" Letty snapped, and the icebergs shattered. Ice shards flew in every direction.

It was then that time seemed to stop. I could still feel the moment within me. It had not at all dissipated.

Which means that this fight is not yet over. By instinct, I drew a card. It wasn't the best card for this situation, but it would have to do.

"Tres, allez!" The words of a foreign language rang out as I lunged with the speed of the wind. The ice shards cracked and blasted my body with cold, but none of that mattered. The temperature dropped, and I could feel my body freezing. Ice crystals began to form on my legs, arms, and torso. But I had accomplished my objective. The sword's point was right above Letty's head.

"Talking in a fancy language will not help you." She said, staring straight into my eyes. "Any last words before this fight ends?"

"Yes. Point one, deliveryman." With that, I dropped the sword. She was completely complacent at the point of her victory.

Which meant that even with the sword's nearly nonexistent weight and its horrible power, being a fencing sword that bent when it hit a target, she still lost. The barrier dissolved, taking all of the ice with it. Some of it had melted on my clothes.

"Cirno was right, you are strong." Letty said. "I dare say you're a match for almost any youkai, bar the absurdly powerful."

"Great." I said. "All I want to do is to deliver the goods, and now I'm being turned into a worthy opponent. Sometimes being eaten seems a lot less stressful, don't you think?"

Letty laughed heartily. "Most probably, but then you wouldn't be able to deliver."

"That's the conundrum." I said, kicking off back into the reddening sky. "Well, I'll see you again someday; hopefully it'll be a warm winter this year."

"Probably." She said. "I'll be using some of the cold to fight you."

"Ha ha." I said, landing at the three-fourths mark of Youkai Mountain.

"A minute to get all the way up there?" I asked, staring up at the shrine. "No problem." Not even minding trees or forest anymore, I rushed up the side.

_Going up and then down to the shrine would take too long at this point, the best way to do it is to just charge straight forward!_ I exhorted myself in my mind to charge faster. _Trees, rocks, none of that means anything to me!_ The world was a green and brown blur as I raced between trees, over the dirt, and vaulted rocks with practiced ease. The shrine steps loomed in front of me as I tracked the hands on the watch, the reminder that time goes on.

_Ten. Nine. Eight. _I rushed upwards, clearing half the stairs in one go. _Seven, six, five._ I reached the top, scanning the surroundings for anyone. I immediately zoomed in on a green-haired shrine maiden, and was about to charge for her before.

"Ack!" _The cold must have made my leg cramp up, that damned winter youkai! I might lose my job for this!_

Before my eyes flashed every moment of my life here, from the moment I was saved to my recent victory over my icy tormentor and her probable mentor. And then I remembered a promise I made to my boss.

_If I make a single one late, fire me. _My future flashed before my eyes, ending up a loner and a loser in the Human Village, eventually ending up starving to death on the streets as they throw my remains from the village and giving it to the man-eating youkai as food…

_I will not allow that!_ On one leg I made good of the time as it counted down. _Five. Four. _I was halfway across the shrine grounds and she was coming closer. _Yes! I can do this!_ I drew up to her, and she to me, with a backdrop of the reddening sky.

"Can I help you?" She asked. "The festival's almost ready, but you should stay outside first."

"No…" I said. "Delivery for the Moriya Shrine, right here." I said, pulling out the bag with a sense of relief. At least until I caught a glimpse of my watch.

5:00:01.

5:00:01 PM.

I was late. Even if it was only by one second, I was late. I imagined handing over my resignation in shame, taking Killer and fleeing to the skies. After all this time I still had no way of going back, so I would send my days as a wanderer and a vagrant... I tried to not let my despair show on my face. It was to be my last delivery after all.

"Thanks! You guys are so early, we weren't expecting this for another hour!" She smiled wide and turned, bringing the things in. "With this, we'll be starting early this year!"

"Wait what." My voice was flat and completely emotionless. "Could you… reapeat that again?"

"We asked for the delivery at six. Oh, hello there, Aya." The green-haired girl greeted the crow tengu.

"Sanae! This kid just did the most insane thing, am I right, Victor?" She shook my shoulder, but I showed no response. "Victor?" She asked. "Everything alright?"

"Yeah." I said. "Yeah, everything's fine." I said, standing perfectly still. But I was far from fine. Being ready to die takes away your sense of living, and it takes some time for it to return.

"You're tearing up." Aya said. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yeah." I said. "Just let me get some sleep." I curled up on the lawn under a particularly large tree and began to snore. I thought I heard a shutter snap before I went to sleep, but I didn't mind.

In one day, I had made a delivery of three legs across all of Gensokyo, survived spell card attacks from several opponents, some of whom had more power in their left pinky fingers than I had in my entire body, and almost accepted my fate as a no-good NEET, only to find that I was actually an hour early for the deadline and that I could keep my job. I had every right to go to sleep in a public place.

"Really, he doesn't care for his own safety." I seemed to hear the shrine maiden from the other shrine's voice as I woke up. "Totally an idiot."

"He threw candy in the middle of a spell card fight, ze. He's probably dumber than Nine and Okuu at the same time."

"All of that will be in tomorrow's edition, so buy one!" The same old tengu's voice, after which her pained cry from two simultaneous fists.

"Yes, quite the irrational fellow, isn't he?" Footsteps seemed to come closer.

"That's weird, having a vampire think about a human." The shrine maiden's voice again. "Maybe you're going soft?"

"No, but Flan wants me to invite him over to play. I would prefer he didn't for his own well-being."

"No, that'll be fine, ze." That damned witch again, I finally recognized the voice. "That idiot's built like a tank, he won't go down no matter what."

"Oh really?" The shrine maiden asked. "Maybe I should just let him take over youkai extermination duteis…"

Later I would be told by Aya that I slept through this entire conversation with a stupid smile on my face, of which she had taken a picture. But that line would have been enough to bring my soul back over the Sanzu River.

"Oh no you DON'T!" I yelled. "No. NO NO NO NO! I HAVE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH YOUR CRAZY ANTICS!" I screamed out for the world to hear.

"It's impertinent to lie about things that are true."

"Aww, c'mon, don't tell me you didn't enjoy going up against me or Yuugi, or even those five idiots, ze!"

"Ooh, more material! You're definitely interesting to say the least!" The reporter was writing with her pin at speeds so fast that it seemed the handle of the brush blurred in her hand.

"You're dumber than I am." That last flat statement from the shrine maiden was the worst.

"ARGH!" I yelled out, frustrated, into the sky. "WHY IS EVERYBODY HERE A COMPLETE IDIOT!?"

With that I kicked off of the ground. It was true, I had cut loose and enjoyed that last fight and the one with Yuugi, but that didn't mean I was learning to love this place and was slowly being assimilated into it.

_Right? _As I was thinking this, flying out towards the exit, I saw the boss and got his attention.

"I'm too tired for this festival, boss. I'm going home." I told him.

"And I thought youngsters were energetic." He said. "Alright, get some rest, kid."

I continued to fly out into the night. It was relatively peaceful for a few minutes until I left the sight of Youkai Mountain. Then a purple gap in space appeared in front of me. The girl from the first day with the Victorian gloves, parasol, strange purple clothes and "Gate of Truth" eyes within the purple rip in space.

"We need to talk. Right now." Her voice was cold and sharp, as if restraining the urge to nuke me into oblivion.

I followed her. I don't know why, but I followed her. Maybe I had just fallen into the rhythm of this place, where stuff happens all the time.

Or maybe it was the steel in her voice and the iron in her gaze that forced me to follow.

Delivery 5, Stage 6: Up and Down the Mountain.

Finally finished your three-leg journey: 5000 points!

Fell asleep!: -1000 points! Horribly unprofessional!

Beat a five-on-one!: -1000 points! They're so weak; how could you struggle!?

More blackmail material!: -500 points! Failure!

Total: 2500 points! B! Finally, a passing mark! For once you're beginning to act like a respectable… wait hold up.

ABDUCTED BY YUKARI!?: -9000 points! You just signed your own death warrant! I give you a G! A rank lower than F is the highest you deserve! You failure of a person!

Comments:

No doubt the voice in my head is the biggest idiot in all of Gensokyo.


	13. Fateful Night: Revalation

We ended up in a dark part of a forest. Above us the trees were so dense that I couldn't even see the sky. I pulled out the map, searching for a spot that might have some light.

"Don't bother checking your map, we're not in Gensokyo anymore." She said. "Let's get down to business." She said that all looking away from me. I began my introductory spiel.

"Vic-"

"I know who you are, and I have no reason to introduce myself to you." Her voice was cold and sharp, cutting through my introduction. "Honestly, waving around a power like that without knowing anything about it, you're the worst kind." With barely a sound, her closed parasol raised itself to my neck. Only then did I notice that there was a spear point on it, belying its frilly pink appearance.

"What?" I asked. "All I've been doing is throwing around cards!" I yelled. _This is insane, even more so than usual because she's actually serious._

"Yes, to you, maybe." She said, coldly and dismissively. "But from what I've seen, you've been bending reality to the point that it's about to break!" Her voice went up a notch as she continued to berate me. "It all started with that charade of a welcome you made Akyuu and I go through, but taking on five at a time!? Someone's getting arrogant." The tip of the parasol rushed for my neck, and it was purely by reflex that I was able to avoid it. She cut me, and even if it was shallow I bled.

"Tch, the most annoying power in the world put into the one kind of person who can't handle it." She pulled the parasol back a bit.

"What the hell are you talking about!?" I screamed out. "Explain this from the beginning!"

At that point she sighed deeply, as if letting air and anger out of her body. She straightened up quickly afterwards. "Of course you wouldn't know." She said.

"What!? What do I not know!?" I asked. "Quit leading me around in circles!" _Crazy woman. _I thought. _Everyone was an idiot, but she's legitimately crazy._

"You bend reality." She said. "Taken to its extreme without any control, anything and everything you think should happen becomes real."

"Wait, what!?" That scream had become my catchphrase of late, and I wasn't about to let go of it. "You're kidding, right?"

One look at her face right afterwards and I knew that she wasn't kidding.

"You're serious." I said. "You're really serious." I said, stepping back twice. My back crashed into the tree behind me.

"Oh yes." She said. Somehow I got the sense that she was slightly enjoying my pain, although that was probably just satisfaction after anger. "Thanks to you, stupid reality-bender, I now have to deal with an idiotic human who came here, beat down how many monsters he shouldn't be able to beat, and a horrific backstory, none of which ever happened and could not have happened at all." She said. "So yes, I am very serious, and very seriously angry at you."

"How did this all come out from randomly throwing cards!?" I yelled.

"You idiot, weren't you listening!?" She yelled at me again. "You weren't just throwing cards, you were ripping reality open! You used the gap between belief and reality, and without even knowing it, changed the entire world!" I stared at her in shock, but she continued. "You just went and changed everything! Memories, personalities, reality, none of that meant anything to you, you just went and did!"

"So… everything I've done, up to this point, all of it is a total lie?" I asked her. "And you're telling me that I've not only changed events, I've also changed the past just by existing!?"

I was screaming now, as if to deny the possibility, but that lecturing voice at the back of my mind told me that it was possible. No, in fact, it was probable, and that was what scared me.

"Exactly." She said. "Now you understand." I sighed and sat down on the ground, leaning my back on the tree.

"Sit if you want to." I said. "Because you're going to have to explain everything to me from the beginning."

And so she started explaining. Whenever a gap appeared in her story and I thought I knew the answer, I would propose my own theory.

Apparently the "gap between belief and reality" had manifested because I had been an idiot otaku. After imagining and attempting to emulate the actions of thousands of different characters, the line had blurred. The final act was when I had slept in class. I would have thought that unthinkable as a child, but my otaku self willed it. Why? Simply because it was a commonplace occurrence in anime and manga.

From there it was just a matter of which world I would land into, and naturally, I chose the one farthest from reality and common sense. Hence I was dropped into Gensokyo. Equally naturally, with my perception shaped by games and anime, I had expected myself to be special. I snorted at that now. I wanted to be a hero, who would succeed no matter the odds, who would live no matter what, and would claim victory over all. I had expected a story, with myself at the forefront. To reach that end, I had gifted myself with powers unbeatable and changed memories, history, and even reality itself. Even to me, who was supposed to benefit, it sucked. When all you want is to be a hero, but all you end up doing is crushing people beneath your boot. That feeling. The very worst part of it is that I am entirely justified in doing only one thing, and that is hating myself.

In short, I had jumped in and ruined the world all of my own accord. A wonderful thing to do for someone who had always tried to play the hero, someone who always just wanted to be someone.

Thinking of myself made me want to puke, but instead it made me laugh sourly.

"Haha… ahahaha. So all of this," I said, indicating all of the world around me, "All of this is just something I made up and that you have to deal with?"

"Yes, so you finally understand." She said. At that statement I stood up. Not about to let me get the advantage, she stood up as well. "And it's a huge headache dealing with all that."

"Even if I made something up completely, and there was no way it could really be true, it would still happen, right?" I asked. She said nothing and I took that as a yes. I continued.

"So I took for myself power that no human should have, done things that no person can ever possibly do, and lived like that, to the detriment of everyone around me." I said, repeating every word slowly as if recounting the charges against a defendant.

"Yes." She said.

"How much of what they think of me is how they would really see it?" I asked.

"Most probably none of it." She said. "You can change almost anything with that power, right down to people's opinion of you." There was no way to argue when it came to attacks, even I was surprised when those attacks had come out. In vain hope thought back, hoping to find someone who had hated me and would disprove her theory, but I quickly banished the thought from my mind.

_Every story needs villains, after all. It takes all sorts to run this world. And for an idiot chasing a story, that kind of thing is inevitable._

"So that's how it is." I said, gulping. _So this is my end._ I thought. _For sure, after all that, she's going to kill me. After all my desire, all the things I wanted to do, after I had found my love of flying and fighting, all at the expense of everyone else, death was more than I deserved. _"So, are you going to kill me now? You'd be perfectly justified in doing so." I said. "And I wouldn't at all mind." I added, taking my cards and throwing them on the ground. "I have no weapon."

"Believe me, I should have already, but I've gone soft in the last hundred years." She said. She held up a finger. "I am giving you three options. The first will be to fight to keep your power. Although I doubt you have even the slightest chance at succeeding, it would award me the utmost satisfaction to kill you myself."

"I was considering that, but I'll hear out all my options." I said. "I've stepped on reality too many times not to listen now."

"As long as you understand." She continued, holding up another finger. "You can allow me to seal your power, then send you over the border." She took a breath. "Even if you're outside, your power will continue to work, possibly hurting even more people than you already have. So I will have to seal it, in order to stop you from doing anything like what you've done here."

"That's an option as well." I said. "Fewest civilian casualties."

"Your last option is that I seal your power, or at least a large part of it, and you stay here. You will be the same as you always were, except that you will be far less powerful than you are now." She said. "The powers you used, each and every one of them was from a being that no person can understand." She said these words clearly, as if to drive home the point that I had broken rules never meant to be broken. "I don't recommend this one, because you will still be here, and within my power." She said. "So with this option, if you ever do anything at all, I can kill you at the snap of a finger." She said. "Just like this."

She snapped her finger, and I felt a huge force hit my stomach. I doubled over in pain as I considered the options.

_Here I am, at the crossroads of my own life._ I thought to myself. _The first option is the best, it reduces damage to the bare minimum. The second one would be fine as well, though, but I'm not sure I want to live after knowing I did all of this. The third one is the worst for me, mostly because I will neither die nor escape. And I can be killed slowly and painfully for it._

"What about them?" I asked. "The time I spent here… can you erase that?" For me, it was an important question.

"No, you created those memories, but even you cannot remove them now." She said. "That's the worst part of your power; you can only move forward from your mistakes."

"Will you explain any of this to the people I met?" I asked.

"They wouldn't believe me if I did." She said.

_Wonderful. So in effect all three options solve the problem. Either I die, I live outside perfectly normally, or I live here somewhat normally, and explain to the people I met how badly I messed up. _Any of these options except the last would solve the problem instantaneously, and without doubt. There's no reason to hesitate, after all, if I don't do anything she'll just go Option 1 on me. Right now, I have three options.

1) Just die.

2) Accept being sealed and leave the world.

3) Accept being sealed and live on in Gensokyo.

Rationally I knew that the first two were far more feasible. Rationally, there was no way that I could refuse the first two options. There's nothing wrong with one person simply packing his bags and disappearing.

Then I remembered the wind in my hair as I flew, the feeling of writing . I stood perfectly still, memories flooding me.

The girl smiled again in my mind. "You owe me. That last spell card was cheating."

_Ha, no shit. _I thought. _I've been cheating this whole time._

"Medicine Melancholy!" She said. _Excitable like a kid._ I thought. "I take care of the flowers with Yuka!"

_Oh yeah, I barely survived that one._ I thought. _My life should have ended at the Garden of the Sun._

"C'mere, brat!" I yelled, grabbing onto it. "I'll call you Killer! Now, Killer, let's go! We're not stopping 'till we reach the Human Village!" The formerly uncooperative unicorn was suddenly very obedient, racing towards the exit.

_Okay, that was just ridiculous. I should have realized I was just plain cheating at that point._

And I realized that I was indeed just being selfish, and that I had never wanted to be a hero, to save the world, and to act for the good of people.

I was simply chasing the feeling that Yuugi taught me, that I felt in the heat of every fight. Of all the things I had learned in my delusional days that was the only thing that I thought would ring true. The feeling of holding your life in your hands, of having to trust only your own decisions. _Never mind that I was just a deliveryman here, never mind that I was a worthless otaku over there! Right now, the only thing that matters is flying fast and hitting hard!_

And I was reminded that that was a privilege, not a gift.

"Seal me." I said. "But I'm staying here."

"I could kill you at any time on a whim." She warned me. "And at your reduced level of power I can't guarantee your safety."

"I've lived outside reality for too long as it is." I said. "It's about time I was taught a lesson, even if death is the price."

"You're still an idiot." She said. "I don't have a sealing item with me right now. I'll be placing an order for tomorrow. Don't be late." She opened a purple tear in the world and walked through it. I didn't mind being left behind, because in my reverie I didn't notice.

Falling through one of those purple gaps changed that almost immediately. It felt strange to just fall through one, because the scenery changed right after.

A storm had come in. People had holed up inside the shrine, and the rain was beating down hard enough for everyone to run back. The sound of drops falling could be mistaken for gunshots, and in the distance lightning and thunder could be heard. I was in a clearing in the middle of the forest.

I stood there. I thought of nothing but the cold and felt nothing but the drops of rain on my skin. Somewhere in the distant recesses of my mind, I knew I should fly away and get inside, otherwise I would get a cold. The village was closer and I could stay there. Killer would be there.

But for how long, and how much of that was really people caring, I didn't know, and didn't want to know. And through all this the rain continued to beat down on me. I heard distant thunder and knew that I should really get inside or the lightning would hit me. Somewhere deep inside me, though, was the feeling that it would be better if I just did nothing.

So I stood there in the driving rain. It felt like two hours before it stopped.

"Would it be fine to go back?" I asked myself softly under the weakening rain. It had calmed down to a drizzle, and the noise had died down. I heard people moving down the mountain slowly and as a group.

_You made your decision._ I admonished myself. _Now stick by it._

I flew back "home", still soaking wet. But there was no fire in my eyes, no lighthearted thoughts, and no flight diary.

After all, the ink from the flight diary would have been washed off in the rain.

Maybe in vain I had hoped that my sins would join them. But that was just another one of my fantasies and lies.

Fantasies that had no place in this world, or any other.

_Ends for the other options will be available on request._

Oh, and if you're wondering where the customary score is, it's gone forever. Because our imaginary friend Sayaka was giving them all. But you knew that.


	14. Delivery 8

Delivery 8: Selfish Desires.

Now that I look back at that moment, drenched by the rain, it looks like I really did have a few more options. More than what that girl had given me, anyway.

I could have rewritten reality so that I was normal and none of this had happened. I could have rewritten reality to kill the girl that had threatened me. I could have rewritten it all to make my life a perfect paradise.

But I didn't. The reason was simple. It was the same reason that I wanted to be a hero all this time, the same reason that I had come here in the first place and why I had opened the gap so much.

Because I was a stupid idealist. I believed that the world could be changed by my own will, and to my own will, no matter what happened, and then I could do whatever I wanted. That was the core of my reasoning.

And in choosing to try to continue to live with the people I had wronged so horribly, I realized that it was still at the core of my decision. Then I had a scary realization.

_I'm treating this life as a game. I mean, I could have reverted the world to its previous state with my power, but I didn't. I wanted to be able to fix the problem on my own, damn reality and damn the consequences. So if I died it wouldn't really mean much, would it?_

Thank God I was still tired, I don't think I would have been able to sleep otherwise.

The next day dawned quickly.

"Hakugyokurou, all the way in the clouds." He said. I nodded stoically. "I know you're tired, but no rest for the weary." He tossed a package at me. "You're headed for scary parts, make sure you don't come back a ghost." I nodded. He threw down bags and bags of food, enough to throw a party with.

"What's the occasion?" I asked, putting on a smile. Emphasis on putting on. "I'll bring Killer, she'll help me lift the huge bags of food."

"You seem a bit down. Anything wrong?" He asked. _Thanks for the concern, but it's really none of your business._

"Nah." I said. "Just resigned, but that's fine; it's the daily grind." I didn't turn around.

"So long." He responded. I felt some meaning behind those words, but I didn't care enough. I walked straight up to Killer.

"Let's go." I said, flying up to mount the horse that would fly anyway. "Horn of the Unicorn." I said with a bitter smile. Killer, seeming to sense my mood, took off without a word.

Even as I cursed them, my hobbies coupled with my habits of alluding never stopped. The once-great sensation of flying through the wind was just "meh" now. The familiar weight of my flight diary in my pocket was gone now. I kept flying for a bit.

_Basically, life sucked._ My thoughts could be summarized as such. Even riding a unicorn could not cure my fantasy-seeking soul. _Meh, it's all over. _I thought to myself. _And that violin is making me even more depressed… wait a violin? _I looked over at a floating and ruined mansion, from which the music came.

_The things they have here…_ I thought as I approached the mansion.

I turned my head to where a trio seemed to be practicing an ensemble performance. They seemed a bit translucent like ghosts, composed of a trumpeter, a violinist, and a keyboardist. The two of them flitted around the violinist, listening to the sound of her solo. The violinist herself was in a frenzy, putting all of her raw emotion into the performance. The bow went back and forth on the strings like a fire. This was considerably helped by the fact that she was not directly playing the instrument, which was floating happily around her. She was wearing black with many red ornaments, most notably the crescent moon on her hat, with white sleeves under the black band uniform, the uniform itself trimmed red and white, and was blonde. The performance was a brilliant rhapsody, placing emphasis on grace and technique, despite her frenzied pace. She was obviously happy to be playing, making little dances as the violin seemed to play itself without her. On the other hand, I was being sucked into the mood, becoming melancholic and staring forward at the gracefully feverish performance. _Come to think of it, I know of another reality-bending god who has a lot of melancholy of her own…_ But that thought was quashed as I tapped my fingers to the beat, caught up in the music.

_I guess I can stay for a bit. _I thought. _There's no hurry, after all._ Killer and I floated in midair, enjoying the show. The beat started to get infectious. I tapped my fingers harder as the keyboardist effortlessly slid into the violinist's place, continuing the solo on her own instrument. In contrast to her sister she wore a red band uniform trimmed pink and black, had light brown hair, and her red hat was adorned with a green shooting star. Her fingers were very agile, making the keyboard appear as if it was being attacked by spiders called hands. I got the sense that she did this for show, and not really because she needed to, which would make her like the violinist. As this happened, a vague vision came up in front of me, reminding me of the sheets I had seen in my younger days during music class, wrapping around and showing the notes and chords that she played. Images of notes freely flew about, as if dancing to the song even as they played it. Compared to the earlier solo, this was very complex, with the multiple layers of sounds from the different notes and chords, adding depth and strength to the piece. My foot started tapping, and Killer stared intently at the three, as if just as enraptured as I was by the performance.

As I thought this, the last member of the trio, the trumpeter, took her place in the middle and played her own solo. She was not blowing on the trumpet directly; she was like the violinist in that regard, but you could see that she as well put her heart and soul into it. Her band uniform was pink, adorned with a little blue and black, with her hat showing off a blue sun at the top. Her silver hair shone quite a bit, reminding me of a less lustrous version of Killer's pure-white coat. Her trumpet, flying around her, was fast and furious, blowing out a melody that could cause insanity to anyone who got too caught up in it. It was like a wave of energy compressed into a barrage of trumpet blasts. Her solo reached, the top, wound down, and just as I thought the performance was over, all three of them began to play.

The effect was amazing. My entire body moved to the music, fingers snapping and waving back and forth. Combining the strengths of each of the three produced an infectiously fast yet deep melody, combining the multiple layers from each of their instruments into a coherent song, possessed by a bit of lunatic energy from all three of them just doing what came naturally. It was harmony within chaos; order within strife. The three of them together, just like that, had formed a perfect ensemble performance. I could only stand there and watch. Killer had calmed down as well, staring straight at the ghostly ensemble. I'm quite sure that both of us could barely believe that we were hearing such an amazing performance. All of them, in just going their own way in playing, had together created a frantically cheerful and yet harmoniously written piece, which went on for about a minute. _Melancholy, insanity, and illusion, the three things that bring happiness? _I thought.

Then they stopped abruptly and flew towards each other. They began to chat animatedly about their performance. Even from my distance I could see the pink one wave her arms at the red one, who merely smiled. The one in black smiled as if taking care of her little sisters. _So that's how close a band is._ The two of us, awed by the performance, began to clap, while Killer neighed in appreciation. I thought that we wouldn't be heard, but apparently the black one heard us.

"Oh, were you clapping for us?" She asked while flying closer. I smiled.

"Yes, that was incredible." I said. "Victor Hunter, delivery boy."

The two sisters had come up behind the first one by now. "How was our rehearsal?" The red one spoke up, but before I could answer her question the pink one yelled "Is that a unicorn!?" They rushed up to their sister, who had flown in front of me.

"If I could have recorded that I would have." I said. "And yes, this is a unicorn." I said and glanced at my watch. "Sorry I can't stick around, but I have to go off to Hakugyokurou to deliver something. Excuse me."

"We'll go with you!" The pink one exclaimed. "We're headed there anyway because of Yuyuko's party!"

"Well, that ghost just wants to eat again, but there's no problem with that!" The red one joined in.

"Speaking of which, I don't know your names yet." I said. In response, the one in black spoke up.

"I'm Lunasa Prismriver, and these are my sisters Lyrica and Merlin. Lyrica's the one in red while Merlin's in pink." She said.

"They're quite a handful." I remarked, to which she nodded. "Well, it was nice hovering around here, but I think we need to go." I said. "Or at least, I do."

"Yeah! Let's go!"

"I suppose you'd like to race the unicorn, Merlin?" Lyrica had a smile on her face as she said that.

"Why not?" Merlin asked.

"Calm down, you two!" Lunasa called to them, somewhere behind me as I flew forward towards Hakugyokurou. The Border of Life and Death would be coming up soon, so I began to ascend. As I thought of that, the weight of what I had done, and what I was still doing, returned to my chest.

Rather than being crushed by it, I wondered where it had gone all this time. I climbed into the sky, beyond the puffball clouds and straight at the sun. Below me I could see the Hakugyokurou complex, with all of the buildings needed to house the spirits of the dead. The trunk of the Saigyou Ayakashi, though sealed, loomed large, seeming to come out of the ground to meet me.

It was a breathtaking sight from above; a sight enough to make you want to hover there forever.

But duty called, and I told Killer to descend.

Slowly, if she wished.

We descended quite slowly; slow enough for the sisters to catch up to us.

"What are you doing? Shouldn't you be hurrying?" Lunasa asked.

"Someone's taking his sweet time." Lyrica jeered. "I wonder if he fell in love with the view… or with Luna-nee."

"Well, that would be nice, but no." I said. "I'm just enjoying the view." They sped on ahead. Killer and I were closer to the ground now, about level with the midway point of the Saigyou Ayakashi. Down in the courtyard of the largest building, I could see preparations for a party being made. Three people were setting up in the courtyard. I could see their primary colors being yellow, red, and green. Not wanting to intrude, I landed a fair distance away from the entrance before walking up to the gate and knocking. Killer stepped up to the door with me, and I knocked on it. The door was pretty high, built traditionally, even being bolted in. I knocked on the door.

The next thing I learned was that only invaders knock on the door, apparently, because a swordswoman opened the door.

"Oh, you're quite early for the party." She said.

"I'm supposed to be early." I said, pointing at the bags on the unicorn. "I suppose you'd need to cook the food before eating it."

"Well, that's true." She said. "Bring it into the kitchen." She was silver-haired with blue eyes and a black headband. She wore a green dress, with two swords on the back; one longer and one shorter. A bit above her right shoulder was something which appeared to be a puffball cloud. Carrying the bags of food, I walked into the well-furnished interior of the Japanese-style mansion. Tatami and Japanese paper were the main materials, with wooden beams holding it up, just like everywhere else. Curiously, I looked closer at the puffball cloud that seemed to be floating around.

"Erm… what's with this cloud?" I said, asking about the thing over her shoulder. "Is it like a bad luck charm that follows you around everywhere?" I asked.

"No, that's my ghost half." She said flatly. "I'm half-human, half-ghost."

"Whoa, that's crazy." I said. "So can you go through walls, or possess someone?"

"What?" She turned around while she spoke, walking backwards. "That's crazy." She said. "I'm still human, you know."

"Oh, sorry." I said.

"I don't mind." She said, turning the corner. "Here we are." She moved into the kitchen as if it was safe.

But my instinct told me something else. There was a hungry, ravenous presence nearby. I could almost feel the lust for food radiating from beyond the door. "I didn't catch your name." I said. My voice had steel in it, absolutely serious.

"Youmu." She said. "Youmu Konpaku, why do you ask?"

"Youmu." I said. "There is a very hungry presence over there, and most probably it will attempt to enter the kitchen and eat the provisions." I said. Right at that moment, though, a pink-haired, somewhat large girl with a blue dress and a hat of the same color charged into the kitchen. She lunged straight for the bags of food I carried.

"Oh crap!" I yelled. I had let my guard down for a moment before yelling "You know this stuff is still raw, right?" and twisting the straps in order to avoid the lunging girl's hands. Using the momentum from the twist, I placed the bags on the counter and squatted down, letting the straps hang loose. The swordswoman had restrained the lunging woman, holding her by the arms.

"Lady Yuyuko, we can eat later!" She yelled. "I need to cook this first!"

"Aww~, but Youmu, I'm sooo~ hungry!" She said this in a sing-song voice.

"Control yourself, Lady Yuyuko!" I watched on as the two grappled with each other, one attempting to get fed while the other held her back. I knew I shouldn't be watching this with an idiotic smile on my face.

But that was what I was doing, smiling at the master and servant who got along well enough to do this kind of thing. The lady got a slight advantage, pushing herself farther on top of her servant, who buckled a bit under the weight.

"Ack, Lady Yuyuko! Calm down!"

"But I'm hungryyy~" Her voice carried off again. Grinning like an idiot, I walked back through the corridors to get the rest of the bags from Killer. The sun had gone up a bit more, and it was starting to get warm. Behind me, the sound of their struggling continued. I reached Killer, pure and white as she was, stroking her neck.

"Calm down, you're not dead yet." I said, stopping her from flying off. Apparently the ghosts were scaring her. "Now, let's see to the bags."

I had come here with six full bags, and had managed to carry three all the way to the kitchen. Putting on the other three, I noticed only now that there was a seventh item, a small box that was quite light.

"Hm." I said to myself. "Oh well, I'll have to ask them about it." Taking up the three bags, I walked back to the kitchen. The box was held between my side and my elbow. I returned to find the kitchen in chaos.

"No, stop Lady Yuyuko!"

"But there's so much foo~d!" She yelled. "It should be okay if I eat a little, right?" She pleaded with the servant she was leaning on top of.

"Here's the rest of it." I said. "But about this box…" I was cut off as I sensed a presence behind me.

"That's for us." A very familiar voice rang out and a hand pulled me in by the back. I felt myself fall through the gap behind me. "Come on."

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" I asked her, without turning around. Before she could respond I felt myself hit the floor.

It hurt. Like I had fallen from the ceiling to the floor. Luckily I hadn't broken anything, but that was due to the tatami floor. Picking myself up, I stood up in front of the girl I had faced yesterday. The girl that was about to kill me began to speak again.

"You have one last chance to change your decision. If you choose to stay here, I will be watching you very carefully, and I will kill you at the first sign of suspicion, got it?" She asked me. She looked me straight in the eye, very carefully. I gulped. "Wouldn't it be better for you to just go home, or let me kill you quickly and painlessly?" She asked me. I gulped.

So why did I decide on staying here? Honestly I would be better off dead or gone, both those options would solve the problem. There would be less fuss, and I wouldn't have to deal with the people here or the consequences of my actions.

Thinking about it, it was really simple, actually.

I smiled whenever something stupidly beautiful happened. Here that was common, with servants and masters acting as equals, friends who can easily go from being buddies to being at each other's throat and back, and even the greatest performances in the world.

My job, although not the most comfortable, was horribly satisfying. Meeting people and seeing places was definitely one of the high points of it, even they would just smile and nod, the scenery would take my breath away. Even the underside of the world; former Hell itself, was a great experience, even having a full town down there. Seeing that was a definite moment for me, cementing my belief that anything was possible.

I loved to fly. I loved to live in a place I can smile. Everything I did, I flew there, with the wind in my hair and the sky tearing at me. The urge to climb into the sun and dive at the speed of a bullet, to feel the speed and the pressure, to know that you are in control, it was the greatest feeling I had had in my life.

In short, I felt happy. It was a purely selfish desire, but I wanted to stay where I was happy. And that was the only real reason.

"Yeah, I'm sure." I said. "I'll deal with the consequences myself."

"Alright." She smiled, putting a hand on the box I was still holding. "Give it over." I let go into her hands, and took off the top. Inside it was a luxuriously woven black bow, sitting pretty on the velvet inside of the box. The ribbon was satin and of an extremely dark black, soft like velvet and large enough to cover most of my head from above. It was so dark that my black hair looked bright by comparison, as if light was getting sucked into the night. The middle was gold-plated, letting it shine in the light in contrast to the black cloth. The back would be affixed to my hair by a clip, which was a very normal affair. The box was taken up by it entirely, the sides barely able to contain the fringes of the ribbon. _Wait, is this the sealing item?_ I thought. She held it out.

"Go on." She said. "Put it on." I sighed.

"For the record, I am not a woman." I said, putting the bow onto the side of my head. I felt a wall come down between my stomach and my limbs, as if some large source of power was being cut off. "But I've always wanted to wear one of these." I smiled.

"Care to test it out?" She asked.

"No, there's someone I have to meet first." I said. "If you want to test it yourself, I'll be back later." I turned towards the door before I realized the situation.

"Which way is out?" I asked dumbly.

"Head left." She said.

"Thanks."

Thirty minutes later, over the Misty Lake.

"HEY YOU FIVE!" I yelled at the top of my voice. "Last time I cheated and I didn't even know it!" I continued, as if it would be my confessional. I thought I saw a pair of antennae poke out, but I continued my rant. "I know that's not something a person should be able to do, so come out and let's settle this!"

"What's with the bow, girly-man!? And you call me a boy because I wear shorts!" She popped out of a tree.

"Oh, it's the antenna-girl!" I said. "The bow is to make sure I don't cheat again." The cards would be staying in my pocket for this fight.

"Then why are you coming back?" She asked. The others began to appear, drawn by the conversation.

"Well, my mistake is my responsibility. So once again, all of you, at the same time, take me on!" I could see the five of them now, arrayed in front of me. One blue-haired ice fairy, one white-haired embodiment of winter, a green-haired firefly, a fairy with her hair tied to the side and somewhat sane, and one pink singing bird.

"Yeah! I'm stronger than some puny human!"

"Very well, if you insist."

"Ya~y!"

"I'll get you back for calling me a boy!"

"I'll finish my song this time!"

"Oh yes!" I yelled as the gigantic wall with no escape approached me. Ice, little points, fireflies, energy, and a mist of cold flew forward at me.

I left the cards in my pocket. They wouldn't do me any good at all in a fight now. Instead, I took a deep breath and dove into the wall of enemy fire. The only thing I could shoot now was a rapid repetition of harmless lasers from my hand. They would sting, but they wouldn't kill or hurt seriously.

That was good. No unnecessary trouble.

Less than thirty seconds later I was aching all over and dunked in the water. The result was pretty damn obvious.

"Wow, he cheated a lot." The bird said. "If that's all he normally has, I suppose he was right to be sorry."

"Well, now that that's done, let's go!" Cirno, that crazy little kid who almost froze me to death called. "Victory!"

"That'll teach you to call me a boy!" _Oh yes, Wriggle Nightbug. _

"Are you okay?" The side-tied fairy called. I think her name was Daiyousei or something?

"He'll be fine." Letty told her. "The only thing damaged was his pride."

Floating on the surface of the water, looking straight up at the noon sky, I thought.

_Well, yes, the only thing damaged is my pride. But I'm this much closer to getting it fixed._

I sensed somewhere behind me that something moved, but that didn't matter. Killer stopped next to me, flying slightly above the water. I pushed out of the water, getting on her back again.

"Admit it, you want to go back to that party, don't you?" I asked her. She only neighed in response.

"You sure you're okay riding around like this?" I asked again. Talking to a flying horse with a horn is certainly quite weird, but it's not the strangest thing I've seen here. She seemed to nod.

"Alright!" I said. "We're going wherever you want today!" At this she neighed loudly and set off at a speed far exceeding any I had gotten her up to.

_I guess this is the power of selfish desire. _I thought. _It feels good to do what you want, and it's great that I can be honest about it. My goals are something I should reach under my own power, not relying on a cheat. Those five taught me that much._

"I feel lighter." I said to myself. "Like I've lost some weight."

"Stop coming here just to steal my snacks." The miko said when the elegant lady had entered her shrine again.

"Oh no, I just wanted to inform you that the problem is solved." She smiled, saying that.

"There was a problem?" The miko asked. Despite her appearance, she took her job seriously. Sometimes.

"Exactly." She said. "Not an entirely uninteresting one."

"Well, if you're bringing it to me directly and not dropping vague hints, it must be solved, so I won't ask." The miko responded. She didn't need any more trouble, considering the number of youkai that came by every day.

"Smart girl." The elegant one responded. "And your taste in snacks is impeccable as always."

"Hey!" She yelled, but her conversational partner was already gone. "Tch." In the boundary between all things, a mischievous laugh could be heard.

But there was only one person to hear it, and only one who ever could.

"Just remember that I'm watching you." The voice called out behind me. I turned around but there was nothing there. The score sheet, which I thought I had left behind, returned with a vengeance, worming its way into my vision even as I denied its existence.

Delivery 8: Selfish Desires.

I'll hold my judgment on this one, but if you ever go below zero again you die. And I am a very harsh grader, so you'd better toe the line, got it? And if you say that you enjoy a tightrope act like this I'll start deducting points.

Comments:

I think my life just got that much more dangerous. I'm going to love this.

Be thankful I'm not counting yet.


	15. Delivery 9

Warning: This is the longest delivery to date. You have been warned.

Delivery 9: An Otaku's Pride.

"I'm not one to object to other people's fashion choices, but what's with the ribbon?" The boss asked me when I returned from Hakugyokurou.

"Oh, you know how the young are." I said cavalierly. "Totally willing to do whatever strikes them as fun or funny."

"Alright, but remember, you still work for me, da ze." He said before sharply taking a breath and continuing. "I don't want to be suspected of going shotacon on you."

"With a bow in my hair." I deadpanned. "Don't worry, boss, I'm crazy, not stupid." I flashed him a peace sign and turned around to go up the stairs.

"I'm not entirely sure about that." He said, as if to himself. "Why are you sleeping so early when you're free tomorrow?"

I had returned later in the day to have the gap girl explain to me exactly how it worked. It was a simple seal, which would become more powerful the closer the bow was to the crown of my head. She had said simply.

"If you need more power, you can wear it lower down. However, I will be watching you very carefully as you do so." She said.

I had replied. "Then I'll just keep it this way. Flying is enough for me, the laser is just an extra." She had nodded at that, and quickly followed up. "Are you staying for the party, then?"

"Nope." I said, pointing at the pink-haired master of the house. "You'll have more than enough trouble feeding that without me adding to the mouths." I said, to which the girl only laughed. With that I set off, back to the village. This was in the afternoon already, after Killer and I had raided the shops of Old Hell for lunch. One thing I learned about Old Hell today: For a hot place they sure love their chili.

Now I was in the room I had borrowed from the boss, staring blankly at the ceiling. After everything that had happened today, I could only blankly stare at the ceiling.

"So what do I do now?" I asked myself. Having most of my power and self-defense ability gone, I did not think I still had the capacity to deliver things without risk. I laughed that I had that thought.

_Without risk!?_ I asked myself. _You're in a world full of killer youkai, where even the weakest of the weak have more power in their right arm than a normal human is supposed to have! _I smiled at the thought.

"You know what, it doesn't matter if I do something dangerous anymore." I said. "I'm just going to roll with it and take it, no matter what happens." I made this vow before flying out the window. _Now, what shall I do with the rest of the day…_

I had ended up visiting the bookstore, where I used some of the money I had had with me from the beginning to buy a few books. I recognized some titles I had come across as "classics" in the other world. Translations of "A Tale of Two Cities", "Crime and Punishment", and other classic books all went into my pocket. The lady in charge of the shop, who seemed to be in her thirties, smiled at me as I took the books. She was probably happy that someone had taken those dusty old books off the shelves.

And of course I bought a new flight diary.

_Flight Diary: Before Flight._

_I've done a few bad things in the past few days, but I'll skim over that. _I wrote before I went to bed. _A lot's happened since I got here, but I think that it'll be fine._

_Anyway, about these books I bought. You know I really miss my collection at home, even if it's not all mine. Battle Royale, A Thousand Splendid Suns, A Midsummer Night's Dream, that sort of thing. And of course the manga that my sister bought. She had good taste._

_I wonder where I can get good manga here…. But anyway. I miss reading. I'll need to find somewhere to read or buy some new books one of these days._

I closed the diary and lay down on the futon. Not five seconds passed, not even allowing me to feel the futon's warm embrace, before chills ran down my spine.

"The Voice" was back. I called it "The Voice" because I had no idea what it was or where it came from. But some nights, "The Voice" called out to me, always asking me philosophical questions about life, about love, and about reality. It was deep and imposing, and I guess it helped me develop myself quite a bit.

_So you think you've solved the problem? So you think that it's done just because you've got that bow?_ It asked me what I thought. Naturally, I replied back, albeit silently. "No, I haven't, and I've got a long way to go."

_Hahahaha! _It laughed at me. _You don't really believe that. _It said, deadpanning from its earlier comedic self. _You just saw that; you really want it all to just end, don't you?_

"Well, who wouldn't!?" I responded, screaming at the darkness I saw, even as no sound came from my throat on the outside. "But I have to earn my ending; I can't just rewrite people!"

_But you did earn it. _The voice said tantalizingly. _You just happened to win the lottery._

"There are some prizes too big to use." I told the voice.

_Just remember that you chose this fate._ The voice told me. _Now live by it._

It was gone, and although I was in a cold sweat, my exhaustion and the warmth of the futon sang me to sleep like a lullaby. It seemed like such a short time before the rays of the morning sun played in front of my face, signaling that I should wake up. I blinked twice, finally opening my eyes.

"Agh… at least I got a good night's sleep after that needless foreshadowing." I said to myself as I sat up, stretching my arms to the ceiling. Forming the shape of a fully opened mouth, I yawned loudly into the air, eyes shut as the breath slowly left me. I stood up immediately after that. The morning routine was waiting for me. I coughed twice before going down. There was a slight tightness in my chest as I walked.

_Is my asthma coming back?_ I thought. _Well, we'll see, but it shouldn't get bad enough to get in the way of delivery._ I sped down the stairs as quietly and lightly as I could, to avoid waking the neighbors.

The shop's neighbors were fairly nice people, two houses' worth of ordinary farmers whose dads went drinking with the boss and whose wives mostly stayed at home. On the left were the Soumas, on the right the Hayamas. The Soumas had one daughter, Miou, while the Hayamas had a son, Masayuki. Their children, already at my age, were at that stage when childhood friends (read: the other neighbor's kid) became awkward companions. Sometimes one or the other would come to me, and we would talk. Normally I was afraid of girls, but after meeting the crazy ones outside the village I got used to it quick. We would talk about their problems, about how they had dreams, and of course about the boy/girl from next door. But whenever they felt down about it I would always tell them:

"At least you have friends in the village; I got stuck with youkai and a unicorn for best buddies." At that both of them would only smile, and so would I, and we would chat, fight, and talk for a bit before whoever I was talking to left, usually followed ten minutes later by the other neighbor going through the same conversation.

_I guess it's normal._ I thought. _It's not a bad feeling._ I reached the bottom of the stairs, to find the boss already ready with food in his hand. Clearly he planned on going back to sleep right after, because I knew he had gone drinking yesterday.

"You got up pretty early." The boss told me. "Good thing you did, because a friend of mine called in a favor."

"And that would be?" I asked. "You know I'll take any job I can."

"He's going to borrow you for the day." The boss told me. "Here's the directions." He said, pointing at a spot on his great yellow map of Gensokyo. "It's a weird little shop called Kourindou, run by an old friend of mine, Rinnosuke Morichika."

"You'll manage without me for a day, right?" I asked. "Nothing scheduled until this came up."

"Yeah, I didn't know about this until he told me last night." He said. "Apparently whoever usually picks things up couldn't make it." I nodded. I would have to get the full story when I got there. "Sorry about this, but can I ask you-"

"Say no more, boss, I'm already on my way." I said. Although I did have some appointments today, I could always reschedule. I stood up.

"Wait up." He said. "Your pay for this week." He said, sticking out a stack of coins which were pierced in the middle. It felt quite heavy.

"Wow, that's more than I thought." I said without thinking.

"I can make it less, if you want." He smiled, then continued. "Business has been good, so it's just right for me to share the spoils, isn't it?" He asked as if it was natural. I smiled.

"Thanks boss." I said. "You're one hell of a dad."

"I wonder." I heard him say as I kicked off from the door. Killer would not be joining me today, I had decided. I couldn't overwork a friend, even if she was one of the rarest and most powerful animals in existence. But I had to admit I had another reason.

It felt good to fly on my own again. I didn't have to depend on anyone anymore, and there was nothing holding me back, not even the lustrous black bow on my hair that I had grown quite attached to. But before making the turn to the Forest of Magic, I was alerted to the paparazzi's presence by a click coming from my right, probably a shutter. I turned to the left at top speed, only to get caught in the flash of the next shot.

"You ruined it! That was going to be a perfect shot of your bow, too!" The voice from behind the camera was unmistakable.

"Oh, it's the crazy crow journalist." I said. "So, what are you writing about today?" I asked cheerfully. She responded quickly and with a straight face, "The rise of homosexuality in males, and the large number of abnormally powerful humans in the outside world."

I looked at her and asked "Is it that obvious?"

"It is to any trained eye." She said. "And because I already know what happened."

"Really." I said. "And you're still here?"

"Hey, I'm a unique journalist, you know!" She stamped her foot in midair and drew level with me, as if to emphasize her point. "And it's not like you did anything to me, I'm a thousand years old, so I've learned a few tricks~!" She snickered. I continued flying off.

"Alright, good." I said, speeding up, with her keeping pace easily. I redirected myself towards the doll master's house I remembered.

"Oh, off-duty today?" She asked. "I wonder how interesting that will be…"

"Don't bother." I told her. "I'm doing this because I need to reschedule an appointment." I said. Catching a glimpse of the blonde hair and blue dress, though, I yelled. "Hey, Alice!" and flew towards her. She turned and very excitedly asked "Are you ready for the experiment?"

"Unfortunately no, I got dragged into work again today." I said. "It probably won't take too long, so I'll come by after, then we can decide if it'll be fine."

"Well, I have lots of time, though I'm not sure about you." She said, and flew off.

"Civil woman." I said to myself. "Now I hope she doesn't come after me with a doll army." I remembered the last time that I had talked to her about the experiment. I shivered at the thought.

"The odds are against you." The reporter told me. "The last time you blew her off she did."

"Don't remind me." I said, making a left. _If I remember right, it should be somewhere here…_

"So you're headed to that weird shop?" She asked. _As expected of a reporter, knowing all the good places. _"Well, this will be interesting." She said, and I saw her imagination go into hyperdrive. " 'An Outsider's Reaction to outside objects in Gensokyo! Shocking revelations about the true nature of Kourindou's stock!' It'll make great news!" I only sighed at this.

"Just don't go overboard and say that we're hiding a nuclear warhead in there, alright?" I said. "He's already been kicked out of the village for being half-youkai as it is, I don't want his life any harder."

"What could he possibly have that would freak a person out?" She asked me in a shrill tone. "I can't imagine anything more dangerous than danmaku!"

"A nuclear bomb." I said, landing in front of the shop, which was designed like the houses in the Human Village. I heard the voices of a pair chatting animatedly inside, probably the shop owner and a client/intruder. With that I knocked on the door.

" 'Ey! The boss said you needed a favor!" I yelled. "Someone's pickup couldn't make it or something!"

The door opened, revealing a white-haired man with golden eyes and a shirt that was blue on one side, black on the other. He was a little taller than me.

"Of course. Come on in." He said.

"Rinnosuke Morichika?" I asked. "You needed help?"

"Oh yes, this is quite troublesome." He said. "Come in." I walked in through the heavy wooden door and met with quite a spectacle.

I said something about him having a nuclear bomb. I was not right, but I was not far off of the mark either. Shelves lined the walls, up to five shelves ringing the six-foot high wall, each housing a myriad of items ranging from the latest Nendoroid figures to broken electric fan blades. Piles of items were also placed in the middle of the room. These consisted of varied items, mostly old newspapers and magazines, a rust-covered sword that looked like it would shine with just a bit of polishing, a few cell phones and lost umbrellas, and, now that I saw it, a pair of inhalers. However, I could not pick anything up, because all of my attention was sucked in by the far wall, past another five piles of things that reached up to my hip.

Attached horizontally to the wall was a torpedo, and hanging from the roof like a chandelier was a sea mine. Combined with the large number of guns, grenades, swords, knives, bucklers and tower shields that were arrayed on the far end, I was surprised that this wasn't backstage at a movie shoot.

_That… is definitely NOT a safe place to be._ I thought, unconsciously taking a step back towards the near wall and treading on an empty egg carton. The noise did not disturb me; I was far too concentrated on that which was in front of my eyes. _Now that's one hell of a weapons display._ I thought, eyeing the guns on the wall. I turned to the owner of the shop.

"Do you even know what this stuff is or how it works!?" I yelled. "You've got a huge armory of dangerous items right over there, but you've got enough stuff to power a household right here!" I yelled, kicking a five-burner stove with baking oven that you might find in an average home that was sitting at the bottom of one of the great piles of stuff. "You've got all sorts of useful stuff right here!" I yelled, pointing at another pile which was filled up with box-like objects I knew were washing machines, dryers, filing cabinets, and even an extremely old Windows 98 computer, the kind that still had large, off-white CPUs and CRT monitors. "Explain to me why they're just lying around here!" I told him.

"Well, my ability as a youkai is to know what something is immediately." He said. "The problem is, I don't learn how to operate it." I just looked at him.

"Alright." I said. I had just realized something. "Do you have electricity here?" I asked.

"No, but it's my job to handle that end!" A little girl with blue hair and blue clothes showed up. Her eyes were blue too, all of which were the same sealike blue, except for her green hat. I looked at her. "I've already figured out the voltage and the stuff we need, Kourin, so all we have to do next is to learn how to work it!"

"Thanks, Nitori." He said. "I know we need electricity, and we already have a source for that, but the problem is this." He said, pulling a rubber plug up. "You see, we still haven't figured out how to build the thing this goes into." The plug shone in my face, its two shiny metal bits ready to receive electricity. I would have agreed with them that it was a problem normally, but there was an Electrical Engineering textbook a few piles over.

The problem was, it was right under the sea mine, and the chain swung a bit like the chain on a chandelier. The manager had started to speak. "So, about the delivery…"

I was nervous, but I would have to do it. I told the manager. "Not yet." I said, to calm him and get him to stop. "Right now, you're holding onto the recipe for perfection without even knowing it." I said, making eye contact with the Electrical Engineering book. With the sea mine right over it, flying there was not an option. I would have to walk past all of the other appliances, into the "war room" as I called it, and to get the book on electrical engineering out from under there. I took a first, fearful step, gingerly placing my foot between the piles of stuff.

And then when I realized that there was absolutely no danger I walked as if there were no piles of stuff, grabbed the electrical engineering book, and returned.

"This should have everything you need. Now for the delivery." I said. Rinnosuke looked flustered for a moment before he took the book. He looked at the title, then handed it to Nitori. "What's this?" She asked.

"This guy from the outside says that that might be helpful. Can you check it for me?"

"Sure!" She said that in a high, cheerful voice before running outside, presumably to take the book home.

"I don't remember telling you I'm from the outside." I said, turning towards him.

"You can tell quickly when you're used to the antics of anyone who isn't." He said. I chuckled. "So, about the delivery."

"Yes, please, I'm dying to know." I said. "Who's so busy that they can't show up to pick up their stuff?" I asked. The shopkeeper turned to me with a serious expression.

"Apparently, the little sister got out of the basement of the Scarlet mansion, and the maid's being punished so she can't pick up." He said. "Now you're going to have to bring these books over." He pulled up a bag with a large pile of books in it.

"Do you have a form for these?" I asked. "You know, to make sure that whoever's supposed to get it gets it?" He just responded, to the air where my head used to be, "Just make sure it gets to Patchouli Knowledge." The reason he addressed the air was because I bent down to pick up the inhalers that were on the ground while he did that.

_Just great, another idiot._ I thought, taking the bag. "I'm taking this, though." I said, walking up to the counter. I recognized an old-model mechanical metal cash register that would sell for quite a bit on the outside. "How much?"

"Oh, those useless things?" He asked. "Well since I don't get sick, I'll charge you just a bit for them." I held out a bill, and he returned most of it as change. _Damn, how does he even keep himself afloat?_ I asked myself.

"Thanks for the stuff." I said, pocketing the inhalers. "My asthma's been acting up lately."

"Any time." He said. "Just don't let that ribbon fall off."

"Is it that obvious?"

"Men have their secrets; just like women." He smiled at me knowingly and tipped the glasses down.

"Kh!" A sense of pressure much like facing down a powerful opponent. My mind returned to the only time anyone had ever fought me, even semi-seriously. _Dammit, it's even stronger than that time!_ I steeled myself and waved, turning around, and kicking off at my best speed. The crow tengu went inside the shop I had just left, probably for interviews. As for me, well, I took off back on a very familiar route. _Come to think of it, that place was my very first job._ I thought. _Now I'm coming back for another first time. _I smiled, somewhat bitterly, as the red-brick walls again came into view, including the clock tower I used to synchronize my watch. I dropped next to the gate this time, and I found the gatekeeper. The same red-haired and extremely tall woman in the green cheongsam was now asleep, leaning on the pillar the gate's wrought iron was wrought into. _Does anyone actually care about security here!?_ I thought to myself incredulously as I flew over the gate. _Seriously! _Reaching the door, I knocked twice. No answer. I tried the door. It was open.

A high ceiling and a chandelier greeted me. The foyer was well-decorated but impractical, with tiled floors hidden under carpets. The paintings on the walls were presumably of the vampire masters of the house, and at the end was a pair of stairs, both leading to three different landings. The stairs were more like elevated walkways, preventing me from seeing their real shape.

"Anybody home!?" I yelled. "I'm looking for a 'Patchouli'!" I called out to the empty foyer, letting my voice echo. I heard my voice ring out, only to have no response.

"Hm." I said. "I didn't think this mansion was the kind to be left unattended." I said to myself. I didn't know why I was talking to myself, it was probably a defense mechanism.

"Anybody home!?" I yelled. Then I had an idea. "I'm a vampire slayer!" I felt a hand on my shoulder, and the rustle of wings behind me.

"Whoa!" I yelled, turning around and throwing myself to what was "forward", which made me land on my butt, thankfully on the carpet. In front of me stood a girl with leathery but smooth wings, a bit less than my height, red-haired and wearing a smart black vest over a white blouse, wearing a short black skirt that showed off the curves of her legs, which subsumed into black stockings and three-inch heels. _I suppose they're fine because everyone can fly._

"Vampire slayer, huh?" She asked. "You came to the wrong place." She said, holding up a knife to my neck. She bent forward and stared into my eyes. "Leave. Now."

It took me five minutes to convince her that I was indeed, not a vampire slayer, and was actually just delivering.

"Sorry about that, I just needed some attention." I said. I straightened myself out, standing up. "So, which way?" I asked.

"Follow me, Lady Patchouli has been waiting." She said, flying off to the right. I kept pace, taking note of the scarlet drapes, scarlet walls, and scarlet carpet. The only thing that wasn't scarlet was the lights, and they were yellow incandescent bulbs, which I hadn't seen since I was a kid. The warm yellow light made even the scarlet world feel homely as I flew through the winding corridors. It made me forget about the paintings of vampires that I swear were staring at me as I flew by.

_I already told you I'm not a vampire slayer!_ I yelled out in my head.

"Here we are." She said. "The Lady's waiting inside." She said. I opened the door and she flew through. I didn't because I was staring.

Books. The shelves reached up to the ceiling, about twelve meters high. The library had also taken over the second floor, but those were different bookshelves. I flew numbly up to the first shelf I saw. As if it was destiny, the title there was "Battle Royale". The next after that was "A Tale of Two Cities", followed by "Les Miserables" and then "Good Omens". My thoughts ran in only one direction.

_What would it take to be able to come here every time I got a vacation?_ I asked myself. _I doubt this library lends out, but it's too good not to ask._ I flew slowly down, running my eye over every title on the shelf. When the red-headed one came back looking for me, I was still engrossed in looking at the books. She had brought a girl with purple hair that fell to her waist and looked slender, to the point that she didn't go out much. Her outfit seemed to be pink and purple, pajama-like things that seemed extremely comfortable, with a hat that showed off a moon design.

That was most probably the Patchouli Knowledge I sought. I turned, forcing my eyes away from the shelf full of books. The bag was already ready in front of me.

"Books from Kourindou." I said, forcing a businesslike tone. I would come back for the books another day. "Check if it's complete." She took them from me.

"Thanks." She said, and began to fly off, but not before a huge vibration shook the mansion. The "boom!" sound of a huge explosion ripped through the air in the library, the shockwave knocking me off balance, and the dust on top of the books onto me. I coughed thrice and looked up.

"Tch, so she's at it again." The purple-haired librarian said, coughing. "I won't let her take a single book more. Battle stations, Koakuma."

"Yes, Lady Patchouli." She said, bowing and flying off. I steadied myself, standing up. Chasing after the librarian, who I only now noticed was carrying a dangerous-looking grimoire in her right hand, I asked. "What's going on here, and what's with that explosion?" She turned, still flying forward at the speed I was. "That book-thief is happening." She said. I get the feeling she would have said more, but she coughed twice and bent inwards. I recognized the symptoms of a serious cough. Drawing my backup inhaler out of my pocket, I tossed it to her.

"Put it in your mouth, squeeze down on the top, and breathe in." I told her. "That should help stop the cough."

"Where did you get this?" She asked, eyeing the plastic-and-metal item suspiciously. I knew that the simple plastic frame that aerosolized the pressurized metal can full of spray would not be easily broken.

"The same shop your books come from." I said. "I've used it, so I would think it's quite safe." She put it softly to her mouth and pressed down on the metal, breathing in. I registered her eyes widening in shock, which was probably just the blast of cold air that hit the back of the throat.

"There. That should help." I said. "Anyway, what kind of threat are we facing?" I asked her, but before she could respond, another resident of the mansion entered. This one wore pink as well, but she had blue hair.

"Patch, I cannot suspend Sakuya's punishment for just the thief, so I shall aid you in her stead."

"You don't have to if you don't want to, Remi." Her voice perked up slightly past her normal inflection, probably because they were friends.

"Oh? But it would be interesting to see how much stronger she's gotten." The little vampire spoke up. "And I still haven't punished her for bringing Flan out of the basement."

"So she did that too?" The librarian asked.

"Yes, and it was quite the bother." The vampire said. "She went up against that hell raven."

Completely cut off from the conversation, I merely followed along behind. At least until the little vampire turned around and addressed me. "So the fortune-teller who delivers is here too."

"Yes." I said. We had flown to the entrance of the library. "I suppose the two of you are going to give the thief a very fiery welcome?"

"You know this kid?" The librarian asked.

"That's the plan." The vampire said. "We've met a few times."

"Pleased to meet you." I said, extending my hand towards the librarian. "Victor Hunter, flying delivery boy."

"What are you hiding?" She asked me. I could almost feel her stare on my ribbon.

"Is it that obvious?" I asked. "Well, it's nothing serious." I said. She looked like she wanted to press the point before the door exploded in a familiar display of rainbow light and blazing sound. I recognized it as the same one that had exploded outside, and I thought of the sleeping gatekeeper. _I hope she's okay._ As for myself, the beam had been thrown far over my head, and the other two were unharmed as well. But the door, however, had been blown into splinters. And coming through it, like a blurry shooting star, was the ever-so-familiar one.

"You!" I yelled, kicking off the ground after her. "Fans score one once again!" I threw myself after the blur, with two already in front of me. Books were flying off the shelves in every direction, thrown up by the wind. Just as quickly, they were forced back into the shelves. I noticed the librarian had her book open, her mouth rapidly moving. _So she's a magician._ I thought, as the books realigned themselves. Already the vampire I refocused in front of me. The witch was headed right for the bag of books I had just delivered. Just as she reached for it, she was ambushed by a huge energy wave coming from around one of the bookshelves. The redheaded library assistant had made her reappearance, throwing out a huge curtain of attack, which forced the witch to take a hard right, away from the bag. The two chased her, while I slipped in under the curtain, which the library assistant had abandoned in favor of a straight chase. To my left their attacks still rang out, magical blast being countered by magical blast, while I could also hear quite a bit of taunting and screaming. I trained my hand on the bookshelf I expected them to come out of, third one on the left. The desk in front of me shook a bit. I held my breath. The sounds of battle were coming closer.

"Can't you even return a single book!?" The librarian's voice was oddly raised.

"I told you, I'll return them when I'm dead!" The familiar one returned. "You'll still be alive by then, right?" I had to laugh at that.

"That's not borrowing, that's called stealing!" She screamed. "Let's see, how to annihilate the annoyance flying in front of you!" As if reading from the pages of a book, she continued to cast high-level magic, blasting more dust from the old bookshelves. _It's a miracle that the place hasn't collapsed yet._ I thought. But they took this time to burst through my concentration, the witch, already loaded with grimoires, falling down and grabbing the bag on the way up.

I didn't know why time slowed down at that point, but the reason was perfectly clear afterwards. Among the books that fell out of the bag as the magician whisked it onto her "borrowed books" were titles such as "Denpa Kyoushi", "Team Medical Dragon", and "Franken Fran".

Now those titles might not mean much to the average person, but to me each and every one of them was a precious manga, a story I would not dare to waste. The three hundred or so bound pages of hilariously drawn Japanese comics were an art form to me, and to see them disrespected so quickly and thoroughly-!

My mind sunk into a state of total and absolute focus. The only point of my life, the only reason I had to exist for the next few minutes, would be to stop Marisa Kirisame. There would be no retreat, no surrender, and no mercy. I would grind her defeat into her face every time I saw her after this, or I would never look her in the eye again. Because then I would be dead, by her hand or by my own!

To put everything on the line with no fear or favor, to lay down one's life for his beliefs, this is the privilege of the absolute undercover otaku! With that, even as the sounds of battle receded, the strategy began.

_So how do we do this? _I asked myself. _Assuming that the three on her tail don't manage to finish her off, she'll only head back to the main door once she's sure she's shaken them. Options. _I racked my brain, now alone and tranquil in the silent library. _Attacking her on the path is out of the question, it's too unpredictable. If I ambush her on the outside there's no guarantee she'll still have the books, and I don't think I can take her on alone. _

_So only one option remains. _I thought. I kicked off from the ground totally silently.

"It's all about time." I said to myself.

The magic battle continued. Down the high halls of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, unfortunately lacking in long windows due to the nature of the occupants, the hunter and the hunted flew at near-supersonic speeds. Multicolored stars and energy bullets, along with balls of fire and water, were quickly exchanged at high speed, varied by the occasional sword or tree trunk. Numerous hundreds of bats flew, forming a cloud of leathery wings and screeching mouths. The chase continued through the labyrinthine corridors of the home of the Scarlet Devil. Somehow, through all these hazards, the hunted remained slippery as an eel.

"Tch, this is no good!" The tiny vampire began to get impatient. After all of their varied efforts, they had failed to catch a human magician. "She's powerful, I'll give her that much." Beside her, far too engrossed in the battle to talk, was the magician who she had let set up in her mansion, even allowing her to own a gigantic collection of books, the girl who was about as old as she was, Patchouli Knowledge, whose body had grown weak from years of reading. In her many years here, it had been incidents like this that had brought out the most of Patchouli's rage and had brought her abilities to the fore. She also seemed quite a bit more energetic after every attempt.

_The score is an even twenty to twenty, isn't it? _She thought. Twenty successful thieveries and twenty foiled plots. Right now, Patchouli was pushing the limits of her body, forcing herself in order to gain the lead, and take back her books.

The vampire's fangs showed as she smiled. _The chase continues!_ However, just as she thought that, the magician appeared to prepare her attack. It was familiar to her, having had to fight it once.

"Patch, Koa, let's go! We'll cut her off!" All she got in reply was a grunt and a hard left from the two, to which she followed suit.

"If you're fast enough you can try! Blazing Star!" The witch called out the name of her attack to the air, using the huge blast of magical energy as a booster to push herself past any speed she would ever reach normally. The winds tore at her, forcing her to hold on to hat and skirt for dear life as she forced her legs to make the turns. The two pursuers might catch up at any moment. With that thought in mind she pushed herself as she hit the foyer. Every second counted! She squeezed every last bit of power she could get out of her Mini-Hakkero. The door was open in front of her; she would make it! But all of a sudden she stopped right in front of the door.

There was a slight red tinge to the air outside. She turned around.

And there was the crazy delivery boy, pointing his hand at her.

He was deadly serious. He knew he stood no chance in a fight. But still he must try.

"I challenge you, Marisa Kirisame, ordinary magician, to a battle!"

"Well, even if your power's sealed, I won't go easy on you!" She yelled, beginning her starfire. The rainbow-colored attacks flew around, quickly filling the high foyer with blazing light.

"Tell me, why do you think I would challenge you to a fight?" I asked her.

"Because you're an idiot?" She asked.

"Well, yes, that." I said. "But the second reason is far more valid." I said, powerdiving. The stars were released in a circular pattern, so after the few she deployed to prevent a dive, it should be less dense. Seeing my movement, she began to fire lasers around me, making then trace elegant patterns in order to snare me. I called out to her. "Showoff!"

"Same to you!" She threw back, effortlessly throwing out more stars. "Is that all you have?"

"The weaker the bait, the better the trap!" I yelled.

In a dodging game, I would certainly lose, having no opportunity to attack or to defend. I, of all people should have known that this was a losing battle. However, the game would be entirely changed once the two arrived. I had to hold Marisa to the foyer for as long as humanly possible in order to give Remilia and Patchouli enough time to get here and beat her. To do that, however, I needed to hold her interest without hurting her. The problem with this strategy was the offense, which was important to give the sense of a fair and helpful contest.

To that end I had been saving a large laser beam that I had prepared just for her.

"Let's see how you like lasers!" I yelled, firing off a large shot that I had charged from my finger. The red beam bounced off of multiple stars, its blue light frequency being reflected multiple times and shattered, allowing it to pierce her thrice. I saw her smile, wincing slightly at the weak attacks.

"So you're a technician using science, eh?" She asked. "Then eat this!" With that the spell card system began to show off the next attack, the Earth Light Ray. A small host of lasers fired from behind me as she rained down stars from in front of me. I was firing the laser as rapidly as possible, and varying the colors in order to bounce them differently off of the epilepsy-inducing light in front of me. Between the stars I weaved, grunting at every little graze and cut that they gave me. I saw a few of my lasers strike her, but she shrugged them off as if they were nothing. _Damn, my attacks are useless! At this rate I'll be toast long before they get here!_

Desperately I continued to evade the light, constantly getting cut as I did so.

"What is he planning?" The little vampire asked of the crazy fortune-teller, with the question directed to her friend the magician. "He can't win like that!"

"I believe, Remi," the magician began to say, "that he is keeping her here for us to defeat her. I appreciate the effort, so shall we jump in?" She asked.

"I don't command you." The vampire said. "Do as you wish."

"With pleasure." Patchouli said, with the faintest hint of a smile on her face. One of her cards was already in her hand, and the grimoire was open. "She won the last two, now it's time to remind her what I'm made of!"

And so the purple-and-pink clad librarian descended into the attack that was like the galaxy itself. As she fell, one sentence crossed her lips.

"Sun Sign: Royal Flare!"

Now the galaxy of stars was replaced with a single great ball of fire, at the point of supernova.

When the galaxy disappeared I knew that my plan had succeeded. The burning sun that replaced it was undoubtedly of an extremely high level, something only attainable by study far longer than a human lifetimes, enough to read all of the books in that library room. And since that vampire did not seem the type to learn elemental magic, there was only one possible caster.

The Librarian Otaku, Patchouli Knowledge!

I flew back up to the altitude of the battle. The witch's expression was grim, weaving through the fire effortlessly even as the heat of the sun sucked all the energy out of people. In front of me, and now beside me as I flew forward, was the legendary Librarian. She looked at me.

"You know how manga go." She told me with a small smile. "Those who put more on the line are always rewarded." She said. "I'll let you take her, _this time._" She emphasized the last two words, to which I nodded.

"Alright, I'll take that bag in one go." I said. "Just you watch!" She didn't respond, focusing on making the spell inescapable.

I focused myself, carefully planning and tracing my route. I was calculating everything, from the path of the fire to the future path of the fire, the bob and roll of the bag as the witch evaded the attack, and the path I would have to take through the danmaku to grab it. I closed my eyes.

"There!" I yelled, pushing forward. The witch was barely twenty meters away across a sea of fire. I ducked to avoid a pair of fireballs from above, but failed to take into account another from below. Gritting my teeth and holding my concentration, I forced myself through the tight spaces between the fireballs. I could feel the melting heat from them, but the spell card systems prevented my being burned. The witch noticed, and began to fire off as many stars as her concentration could spare. Weaving through the bullets and the stars that she scattered in an attempt to hit me, I saw the leather strap of the bag, which she had only dangled over her left shoulder.

_Now!_ With that I pushed myself forward through the last bit of distance. At the same time, the small contingent of stars she had summoned hit me in the chest, knocking the wind out of me.

But my hand touched leather, and pried the strap free from the thief's shoulder. I lost the power of flight, damaged badly by the stars hitting me, and crashed to the ground. Seeing this, the librarian detonated her fireballs into smaller ones, creating an inescapable mass that defeated the witch. As for me, none of that mattered.

I held on to the bag of books as I lay on the floor. My job was done. I heard a voice above me say something along the lines of "That makes it twenty-one to twenty, for Patch." At the same time the librarian took back her books from the witch, berating her as she did so. Neither seemed particularly upset, though, at which I could only smile. After a good bicker, the witch flew off, and peace returned to the mansion.

Later, over tea, I would find out that that was a regular occurrence, and that today was the forty-first time that the witch had attempted to steal books from the library.

"So the deal between you two is that if you win, she has to return the books from last time, but if she wins she gets to borrow them?"

"Well, I decided that since she needed to be trained in proper magic, I decided to do it." The librarian said, taking a sip of her Earl Grey. I preferred mine green, but red would cut it perfectly. "It was the only way to keep her interest." _Maybe at first, but I think both of them are beginning to like these occasional duels a lot more than normal. _I thought. I looked over at the vampire and saw that she thought the same thing.

"I suppose that makes sense." I said. "But when you were fighting, I noticed that both of you seemed to be enjoying yourselves quite a bit…" I stopped because there was a finger pointed at me.

"Would you like me to revoke your library privileges?" She asked. I had negotiated to be able to come in and read inside at will. Now that she had that level of control over me, I saw how bad of a deal I had made. _Damn, with that, she's got me wrapped around her finger._ I thought. The vampire snickered.

"Idiotic fortune-teller." She said, pushing her powerful vampire fist lightly into the boy's head. Naturally, it was as if he had hit a wall while flying.

"Ow! Charisma break!" I yelled, rubbing my head. They both laughed, but the vampire sighed.

"Come to think of it, what did you do to punish that maid?" I asked. "She doesn't seem like the type who would cave to any punishment." I said. The two smiled at that.

"Usually we just leave her in her room and not ask her for anything. She makes weird panting noises, and then she comes out with her nose bleeding. We always find a picture of Remi and Flan being cute when she does that, for some reason." I swallowed. _So that maid's a lolicon for her cute little masters._ I glanced at the vampire, who seemed a little weak. _I pity thee, Remilia._ She sighed deeply and began to complain.

"I'm getting kind of hungry, and Sakuya's still being punished." She said. "I can't believe I'll have to wait another four hours before I can let her out." Slumping down in the chair, she sighed again, all the energy sucked out of her. "That witch, making me use all of my energy."

"Hey, if all you need's a bit of blood, then you can have some." I said, pointing towards my own neck. "I'm warning you, though, people call me hot-blooded."

"Really." The vampire told me. "You would let a vampire suck blood out of you, even with the rumors that it'll turn you into one yourself. That's quite brave of you." She said. The librarian said nothing, choosing merely to watch.

"Well," I shrugged. "I can't overlook a person in need, and I have all the tools I need." I said, looking at the librarian. "After all, it's not right to just leave someone in need." I smiled knowingly at the librarian, who smiled right back. The small vampire flew up to my neck and bit down.

"Ow." I said. I felt some traces of her power flow into me, but just as I had thought the ribbon suppressed that too, stopping it from even entering. The bite still hurt, though. I felt some of my life drain away as she pulled away. "Whoa, that was certainly… unique."

"Yes, well, I tried not to take too much." The vampire said. "You still need to get home, after all."

"I suppose." I said, standing unsteadily. "Could someone open the window?" I asked. The librarian complied.

"Are you sure you should be out in that condition?" She asked me. "You look like you're going to fall out of the sky."

"Don't you know how it is in manga?" I asked. "The hero always gets home safe, no matter how much he looks like he's about to fall over!" With that, I made a dramatic jump from the second floor of the mansion. I felt the wind in my hair and the familiar lift, and I knew that I again love flying.

At least for the five seconds it took before I crashed dramatically to the ground near the wall of the mansion. The room I had left broke into laughter, and despite hurting all over I smiled too.

"Well, I guess I'm walking back to the Forest of Magic. I still have an appointment, after all." I told myself. "As an otaku, I cannot allow my promises to go unfulfilled!" I strode out the gate, with a manga in my hand and my head held high, reading by the noontime sun.

_A slow day like this feels great._ I thought. _I guess, that after all that, the world is letting me get back to normal._ I thought over the last few days, the gap and the ribbons, and then my thoughts went a little farther, like the unicorn from Hell and hijacking a boat.

_Or at least… sort-of normal._

Delivery 9: An Otaku's Pride. Complete.

Got paid (and didn't share any with me!): -700 points!

Named books (uninteresting books at that.): -500 points!

Smarter than I expected (Oh dear, you actually found that Electrical Engineering book!): 200 points!

Even smarter than I expected! (Oh, you found out that that Rinnosuke's dangerous!): 500 points!

Successfully did your job: 500 points!

Put that witch in her place: 1000 points!

Failed an animesque exit: -200 points!

Total: 800 points! Not bad, a D, I guess. Better than I expected, actually.

"Wait, you're giving the score now!?" I yelled at the purple gap that showed this information. I was walking towards the Forest of Magic when the scoreboard showed.

"What?" The voice asked. "I _would _think you'd like to be warned if I was going to kill you."

"Well, yes, that's true, but aren't you kind of… far too lazy to actually watch me go about my business?" I asked.

"Watching you blunder around like an idiot is interesting!" She protested. "Everyone attacks you for no real reason, and it's fun to watch!" I facepalmed at that.

"Why is everyone here a complete idiot?" I asked myself, groaning into my hand.

"Minus one hundred points." She said. I groaned, feeling a strange pain in my stomach.

"Ow! What did you do!?" I yelled at the gap.

Total: 700 points! How dare you call me an idiot! The white text flashed in front of me as I stood in place, clutching my stomach.

"I meant it when I said that coming closer to zero would be coming closer to death." She said. I could just imagine her sticking her tongue out. "And just to make sure you don't forget, I'm going to shock you just a bit for losing points."

"Oh that's just wonderful." I said. "Just let me go meet my appointments." I said, continuing to walk down the road.

"I'm still watching~!" She called as the gap closed behind her. I decided to open my flight diary again.

_First Flight._

_That was one hell of a day. And it was only half of it._

_I managed to help stop a raid on a library, finally meet the people who live in that crazy mansion, and to go on a full delivery without throwing out reality bending. And again, it was still only half a day._

_I wonder if the crow tengu's going to cover this too. Maybe she got busy._

_Well anyway, I'll be going now. There's still a whole day waiting for me~!_

I closed the book. A bit of my wooziness seemed to have left as I wrote, so I kicked off.

The refreshingly cool wind cleared away all thought.


	16. A Personal Appointment

For full experience, load this video beforehand. ( watch?v=l0Yf73xSgsc) And don't watch it. Not until I tell you to.

A Personal Appointment:

_Come on! She's gonna blow! Give me Permission Six at least!_

_No! _The voice responded like a clarion into my head. _Don't you enjoy it when girls blow up into anger in front of you?_ Mentally I cursed the day when I gave control of my life over to a capricious girl like her.

_I am so going to get you for this!_

"Friends!?" The doll master in front of me asked. "I have two friends, just two! And they never have time to hang out with me!"

The doll army appeared behind her, as her head was down, sunken by rage. When she turned it up, the force of her hateful stare was like a physical shock. The dolls, in a coordinated simultaneous burst, rushed at me like an army. I threw my glance over at her trash bin.

Poking out of one of the bags was a pile of used sanitary napkins.

"Did it have to be that time of the month!?" With that I kicked off into the sky to begin the battle. Actually, not a battle but me running from an inescapably powerful bombardment.

The second half of the day had started innocently enough. Kicking off the ground again, I headed back to Kourindou to report that everything was fine, and that I had delivered the package safely. I opened the door.

"Oh, come in." The shopkeeper said. More than last time, plastic and metal parts were scattered all over the place, like the entrails of a butchered animal.

"Working on the electrical wiring already?" I asked. "You guys are pretty hard workers." I noticed now that the little girl Nitori had put down her tools and set up in a corner. From this moment until she left it, that would be her terrain, mostly because the gigantic pile of junk made it impossible for anyone to come in.

"It's exciting, isn't it?" He asked me. "Nitori already knows where to get power from, all we have to do is to set up the generator and hook it up!" I smiled, happy for them. And then I realized something.

"Wait, where are you going to get the power?…" That's when the kappa answered.

"We're going to build a mini-reactor and have that hell raven power it!" She smiled as she gave us this new information. "Or we can ask that immortal phoenix for fire!" I smiled back.

"Yes, and with this, we can finally use all of my collection!" The shopkeeper began to smile with a strange gleam in his eyes, and I knew that now was the best moment to leave. And then I remembered that I hadn't been paid, so I had to stay. "You!" He yelled, pointing at me. "How does this work!?" He indicated a microwave.

"You pop food you want to heat into it, and then you turn it on." I said. I took it from him and began to show him how to turn the dials and set the time.

"So there." I said. "Of course, the whole thing won't work without electricity." I said. He handed over the money.

"I'll pay you to come by again." He said, holding out more than my wage. I looked at him for a second before taking only my pay.

"I'll do it for free. But I have an appointment right now, so I have to go. So long." I said, kicking off. "You still need to figure out how you'll get the proper current and voltage to run your stuff, though."

"Is that in the book, Nitori? The stuff about current and voltage?"

"I should be able to find it! Leave it to me!"

I kicked off with those sounds behind me. No doubt they would be able to figure it out quite quickly. As for me, I had a far more pressing matter at hand. I banked to the right, headed for the doll master's house for the second time today. The yard and house were just as I remembered it, a slate black against the green of the forest. A few dolls were scattered here and there, probably for security. I landed on the doorstep and knocked twice.

"Alice, I'm here." I said. "Let's start the torture fest."

Silence. I knocked again, yet more silence followed.

"Hora, I'm going to kick down the door if you don't answer!" I roared in a tone that I would take with a friend, like how I would sometimes say "Go to Hell!" to Masayuki, who would simply smile and return my bad-mannered greeting.

Maybe that was just because I had actually been to Hell. And Hell was certainly the first thing on my mind when Alice opened the door.

People who stay inside a lot have a certain sense to them. They look dirty and disheveled, have bags under their eyes, and generally look like they haven't been taking care of themselves.

Alice showed all of those signs, made even more convincing by the empty cup of tea that was in her right hand. She looked like one of those scientists who would go into a wild research frenzy, ignoring all of the world around her until she reached the conclusion of her research.

"Oh, you're here." She said, tossing the cup at one of her dolls, who caught it with both hands. The doll tottered a bit, struggling with the cup before it set it down on the shelf. She strode past me as I gave her figure a lot of leeway. She smelled stale, as if she had been inside all day. Walking past me, she turned around and pulled her fingers, dolls exiting from behind the house. Each one of them seemed to have a high-power core of magic on them. I could already sense that each one of them had a monstrous output.

"Have you been inside all day making these?" I asked her. "I mean, that's great, but it's a beautiful day!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" She asked. "Isn't it fine for a person to spend all day inside?"

I would have normally agreed, but the weather today was extremely good. Bright but not hot, clear skies, and a happy atmosphere.

"Yes, but today is great! Shouldn't you be outside, with friends?" I asked her. At this her head went limp, as if in a coma. Her shoulders shook in rage. (okay guys start playing the song).

_Oh God she is going to snap she is going to snap what did I do? _I thought.

_You insulted a girl. _The familiar voice in the back of my head said. _Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn. _Immediately I decided to ask for more power.

Yukari and I had figured out a system. Dividing my head into eight neat slices, which, incidentally, were also the lines along which she would slice my head if I ever disobeyed her, we had controlled the power I was allowed to put out. My normal running speed was called "Permission Eight", which meant the lowest possible amount of power. My power from before the ribbon had been about Permission Four.

_I need more power! Permission Five!_

_No! _She yelled. _Do you know how hard it is to clean up after you!?_

_Come on! She's gonna blow! Give me Permission Six at least!_

_No! _The voice responded like a clarion into my head. _Don't you enjoy it when girls blow up into anger in front of you?_ Mentally I cursed the day when I gave control of my life over to a capricious girl like her.

_I am so going to get you for this! _I thought, just before the girl started speaking.

"Friends!?" The doll master in front of me asked. "I have two friends, just two! And they never have time to hang out with me!"

The doll army appeared behind her, as her head was down, sunken by rage. When she turned it up, the force of her hateful stare was like a physical shock. The dolls, in a coordinated simultaneous burst, rushed at me like an army. I threw my glance over at her trash bin.

Poking out of one of the bags was a pile of used sanitary napkins. _Wonderful._ I thought to myself.

"Did it have to be that time of the month!?" With that I kicked off into the sky to begin the battle. Actually, not a battle but me running from an inescapably powerful bombardment.

Remember way, way, way back, in the fifth Delivery, when Alice fired a huge barrage of fish and chips, Eiffel Towers, Buddhist symbols, normal energy bullets, and AK-47 bullets at me?

Well that was apparently taking it easy. Now she not only fired twice as many of those, ripping holes into trees and cutting some down outright, straw dolls, katanas, scale-model boats, long French baguettes and flaming danmaku joined the array. And for some reason, a huge doll, as tall as the house was wide, stood up and bent back, apparently roaring. Standing out, it was like the biggest, most powerful thing in the doll army. As it reached its full height the dolls fired their first rounds

Except, of course, the general in the center of it all, dancing in the daylight.

"HOW MUCH STUFF DO YOU EVEN HAVE!?" I screamed as I saw all this. The gigantic army of dolls was all arrayed against me. Without hesitation, they opened fire.

_Do you still think I don't need Permission Five now?_ I asked in my head.

_Alright. Permission Five._ She said, as if giving up an important treasure. _Don't make me regret it._

_Don't worry._ I said. _I have experience._

In order to contain the power as much as possible, we had agreed that the power's scope, even at Permission One, would be only to enhance my own capabilities or to summon peripheral items such as swords, guns which shot danmaku, and magic. I took a breath in. I lowered the ribbon that was my limiter, feeling the strength rush in through my breath, down to the tips of my toes and fingertips, and back to my center. Normally, I was leashed to the ground, bored and alone, never more than the standard.

But when this happened, I felt I could do anything. I opened my eyes.

Every shot seemed to slow down, as if time itself had slowed down, when in fact my perception and speed had merely sped up. In my hands the cards had returned, five to a hand. I checked the spread as the monstrous barrage flew straight at me. I dove down near the ground, hovering over the ground that was being destroyed mere inches behind my foot. I could hear the Graze counter racking up points, along with the score going up as I hit dolls with thrown swords. Then I pocketed the cards, putting all of my effort in dodging.

_There's a reason she only let me go up to Permission Five._ I thought. _There's some people I need to find._ No sooner had this thought rushed into my head that I crashed into a very familiar-sounding black lump, whose impact pushed me to the forest floor.

"Ow!"

"Hey, watch where you're going!" I yelled. "In case you didn't notice, there's a battle going on here!" Immediately we sprang up, as the spot where we just were was covered by a huge wave of danmaku.

"Victor-kun, Victor-kun." She said, wagging her finger back and forth amidst the huge barrage. It occurred to me that I might be turning more like them, as I was able to hold a conversation even if I did have a good chance of being shot right now. "It's bad to cheat, you know?"

"Ragh! That's not important!" I yelled. "Alice went crazy! I'll keep her distracted; in the meantime, go find that lazy miko and that idiot witch! Bring them here!" I could hear the bombardment getting closer.

"Aren't you the delivery boy?" She asked. "Shouldn't you be delivering?" Five fireballs came towards me, and I had to twist to the side to avoid being roasted to a delicate golden brown.

"No, this time I'm the client and you're the lackey!" I yelled. "Write whatever the hell you want later, just get them over here!"

"Alright!" She said. "I'll do it!" With that, she kicked herself into gear, probably breaking the sound barrier as she rushed off towards the shrine. Or at least that was what I hoped, as I turned to face the thousand-doll army again. All their guns, arms, and magic was directed towards me. They stopped, as if preparing a last volley.

"Any last words?" Alice asked.

"Yes." I said. "Now we dance!" I drew ten cards, five for each hand. All of them were Swords.

_Luck is running high right now!_ I thought to myself. _Let's hope it doesn't run out!_

"Sword house Straight! Volley!" I called out into the air as the massive wall of danmaku from a legion of dolls was unleashed. Facing it was a force of barely a hundred swords, each trained on a doll. Putting faith in the flight paths I had set, the swords zipped between tiny gaps in the barrage, each slicing apart a magical string that Alice used to control her dolls.

They were the special "Black Key" that was used to cut magical energy; the perfect weapon against such an opponent. A hundred dolls fell from the sky.

"How dare you do that to my dolls!" The enraged doll master screamed. "Red Sign: Doll Mira Ceti!"

_At least she still has enough restraint to still use spellcards._ I thought, forcing my body through the narrow gaps between the enemy fire. The constant barrage was taking its toll, however, splattering me with tartar sauce, small slashes, mild burns, and bullet grazes. In order to stave off death, I began to spin as I flew, forming a small wind current that deflected smaller projectiles and changed my speed.

However, I had forgotten completely about the large doll. Its arm was swung down in front of where I would be. Behind me was a huge swarm of deadly projectiles. Sensing her victory, Alice smiled. "I got you!"

"Not quite yet!" A familiar voice called out from the sky, and a shutter's click was heard from on high. The danmaku around me disappeared. Not letting this chance go by, I rushed down through the gap just as more of the hellish projectiles took their place, ripping the legs of my pants. I flew into the trees around Alice's house, which was in a clearing.

"I brought them! I had to promise them free nabe though, it's on you, right?" The crow reporter asked. Never mind that she had said something ridiculous as we weaved through the air.

"I just got paid quite a bit." I said. "If I get out of this alive we're blowing through all of my money tonight." I declared. She nodded.

"All well and good." The reporter said. "They're coming. And here." She said, handing me a silver box. "My old camera. We'll see just how good you are at photography."

"Do you need it?" I said afterwards.

"Get a scratch on it and I'll kill you." She turned to me with an expression I could not tell was serious or jesting.

"Wonderful, I'm great with stuff." Just as I said that, the two I had requested leveled with us.

"What's up?" "I can't believe you started another incident right under my nose." They addressed me simultaneously.

Two completely opposite responses from two completely opposite people who were best friends and made the perfect team. I smiled at the thought.

"Alice over there has gone insane because she feels like she doesn't have friends." I said. "And it's her time of the month." The three of them nodded in understanding as a piece of fish hit me in the side. After grabbing it, I brought it to my mouth and took a bite. "Delicious." I said, with white tartar sauce all over my jacket and mouth.

"So what we need to do is to beat some sense into her?" The miko asked me. She was honestly a bit direct and demanding for a miko, but I could live with that.

"Yes." I said. "You." I turned and pointed to the witch. "Try not to break or steal anything, got that?" I asked.

"I do as I do but I'll try." She said, tipping her hat.

"I'll run distraction so that you two can get close and beat some sense into her." I said. We were flying on the outside of Alice's ring of dolls, which was constantly expanding to catch us. They were spreading out to maximize their angle and coverage of fire, an extremely smart strategy, executed even as she was in a state of rage.

Truly, the nice ones are to be feared.

"Aya, just… be Aya." I said. "Ready?" We lined ourselves up in a rough diamond on the east side of the clearing. We were a hundred feet up, higher than the head of the gigantic doll by a good margin. "Break!" I yelled, and the four of us charged our separate ways. Reimu peeled off to the left, with Marisa doing the same to the right. Aya went straight up, to come back down later.

As for me, I ran distraction, plunging straight into the middle of the defending dolls. As I heard more than saw my companions opening up on the sides to bring down some dolls, the walls of bullets came towards me again.

But this time, none of that mattered. I pulled out the camera. Aiming it with one hand, I clicked the button with my pointer finger. I heard the shutter close, and I flew through the bullets.

It was an old-model camera, still needing film. On the left it read "2 shots left." _That's just wonderful._ I thought to myself. I guess the film counting feature was a good thing, but to me it was like an indication of just how little chance of making it I actually had. Executing a perfect upward loop, I brought myself level with the gigantic doll's eyes. In front of me, Aya powerdived, cutting through the bullets that I had found to be gapless effortlessly. I had to admire an attack like that as I charged, with her effortlessly ducking and weaving the exhaustively-crafted patterns. _That power is really something else._

But I had bigger problems. The giant doll was covered in hardpoints, blasting danmaku of all kinds at me. That was not even counting the fire from the smaller dolls that surrounded the large one like a miniature galaxy, protecting it from my advance. Or at least, that was the theory. My left hand was all Coins while the right was all Wands.

"Wind Scythe: Slashing Hurricane!" I yelled it out to the sky and the wind began to slash madly, throwing my opponent's and allies' bullets out of their proper trajectory. I looked up, only to find that the large doll's eyes were actually a pair of high-power lasers. They were already done preparing. I was out of cards.

I had been doing danmaku long enough to know what "too late" looked like.

The beam was large and merciless. It was almost the intensity of the beam that the witch could shoot. I would not know this until later, but the large doll had completely deactivated after that shot.

All I knew was that I was falling towards the ground.

And that if I did not pull up it was all over. My head and brains would be nothing more than a red decoration to the ground, with my bone providing contrast of black. I would have been shot down over seemingly safe skies, and with that, people would never learn to trust youkai. Even now, tension existed between the wilder youkai and the Human Village, which is why the Hakurei Shrine, which was more tolerant of youkai, was far less popular than the Moriya Shrine, which advocated humans being in charge.

Why that last point entered my mind I did not know or care. But with that thought I pulled up, nastily smashing my left shoulder on the ground as I recovered. They reformed around me as I held my left arm. It was dislocated, and as Aya and Marisa continued to distract the dolls Reimu popped my arm back in.

"Ow!" I yelled, rubbing the arm.

"You're welcome." She said.

"Thanks." I said, after the pain had subsided.

"Yes, your talk of ideals is nice, but this isn't going to work." She said. "We need to control her now." The iron determination in her voice was obvious, and it occurred to me that she was actually far more responsible than she looked. The spell card for Dream Sign: Fantasy Seal was already in her left hand. I looked at it.

"Alright. But let's talk to her first." I said.

The plan I had in mind was already ready. Like moths to a flame, the tools I needed to mend Alice's doll-like emotional state were already there.

I just hoped that my wallet would pay for enough nabe to feed them all.

It had been an ordinary day for Medicine Melancholy. Minding the suzuran as always, she was spending the afternoon with her friend and neighbor, Yuuka Kazami.

"Today is so great." She said. "The sun is bright, the air is warm, and the sky's so clear you could fall into it~!"

Yuuka nodded. In addition to her red vest and skirt, she wore a brown straw hat, a staple of farmers and planters everywhere. "You're right. It's great out today." Both of them relaxed, lying on the ground between their two hills, one covered with purple and the other with yellow.

Then a roar came from the Forest of magic. Medicine turned to the sight, seeing the red cube that denoted a danmaku battle. But unlike the others Medicine had seen, it was huge, over a two hundred feet high, towering above the treetops. Like a translucent monolith, the rectangle was an imposing sight on the sky.

"I'm gonna go check it out!" Medicine yelled. "Big sis Yuuka, come with me!"

"Of course." She said. "This might be interesting."

Together they flew towards the large box. As they approached, a huge wind spell was thrown out.

"Oh, that's crazy big brother!" She yelled. "Hey! Medicine wants to play!" Cluelessly, the autonomous doll flew into the boundary. Yuuka followed after her. _I still sense that suspicious power._ She thought. _I have to make sure that Medicine will be alright._

The three poltergeists returned from their rehearsals. They enjoyed going to different places to rehearse, in the hopes of discovering alternatives to their usual sounds.

"That wasn't bad, was it, Luna-nee?" Lyrica asked. "I tried to pull the notes up a little, was it okay?"

"Okay!?" Merlin yelled. "You pulled it up half an octave! It threw me off completely so that I had to go an octave lower to compensate!"

"That doesn't even make any sense!" Lyrica yelled.

"Calm down, the two of you." Lunasa responded, to which they were all silent. "Look." She said, pointing out the huge cube that was a danmaku battle.

"Let's go!" Merlin yelled, throwing herself forward. "It's been so long since we got in a spell card battle, I miss it!"

"I can't argue with that." Lyrica said. "Wait for me!"

"There's no problems, then." The level-headed older sister said. "Let's go."

Together, the Phantom Ensemble entered the great cube in the Forest of Magic.

I had sensed them walk through the boundary.

"Alice!" I yelled. "You said nobody ever makes time for you, am I right!?" I asked her.

"Of course not!" She yelled, suspending the attacks from her dolls. "Those two never spend time with me, I'm the one who always has to call for them!" The two of them began to respond.

"Of course I don't mean that we're not friends, ze!" The witch yelled. "It's just that you're always busy when I wanna hang out!"

"Alice, you'd never hurt anyone." Reimu made that simple declaration. "Call off the dolls."

"Lies!" She screamed. "Lies!" The dolls' attacks picked up, becoming more furious than ever. The huge wall of danmaku had already shaped itself into undodgeable patterns.

From here on out I could only trust the pair's judgment. However, their instincts were sharp, trained by years of resolving incidents and spell card battle.

"I would suggest, my crow tengu friend, that you pull out your camera." I told her. She obliged, as I pulled out mine. "And give me a roll of film."

"Someone thinks he's a journalist." She told me. "Very well, I'll humor you, human." She said, popping me a roll of film. "Don't disappoint me."

"Don't you worry." I said. "Human life is short, so we've learned to say either all the right things at the right time or all the wrong things at the right time. We have no middle ground."

The two bravely weaved and ducked between the shots, moving through spaces I did not even know existed. At the same time, they both exclaimed.

"Alice, doncha know what friends're for?" "Alice, did I ever tell you about the responsibilities of having friends?"

"Get ready, Aya, this is gonna be good." I told the girl next to me.

"Friends're there to help you out of a bind, ze!" "You're one of the few youkai I don't need to exterminate."

They flew close to Alice. I swear, the three of them were so close that they could have linked hands and made up. But that was not how this place worked. This place was different.

The spell card system was a place where people could be frank with each other, privacy and intimacy guaranteed by the blazing sound and light of the danmaku. It was a magical thing, almost like a sport in its own right. Close to their friend, the two spoke.

"Even if they're the ones causing the problems, da ze!" "But I'd still smack you if I caught you, got it!?"

My shutter closed as the girls raised their cards. Love Sign: Master Spark and Spirit Sign: Fantasy Seal –Dream- began. As the attacks began, Aya's shutter clicked. The huge beam of the Master Spark burst through both Alice and her gigantic doll, while the Yin-Yang orbs knocked down the other dolls. Weaving through the last of the danmaku, the miko and the witch caught the doll master between them, each supporting one side.

The battle had been won. By two completely opposing people and philosophies, united by desire to help a friend.

For a romantic and idealist like me, it was like a dream. The two of us flew down to where the three were already bickering, my neighbor snapping pictures like crazy. I landed on the ground and pulled the bow back up my head. I felt the power disappear into me again, returning to the depths that it came from. The three of them had already started to bicker amongst each other as those girls always did. I tapped Alice on the shoulder.

"You said you only had two friends, right?" I asked her. Not even waiting for her answer, I continued. "I'm about to change that."

Raising my voice to the highest it could go, I pushed out the words "Okay everyone, it's time for the post-incident nabe pot!" The sound pierced the sky as the red barrier disappeared into nothing.

"Crazy older brother is buying! I wanna eat nabe!" The girl with doll-like proportions burst from the treeline, with an exasperated friend behind her. Like a small purple-and-red meteor, the girl hit me, throwing me to the ground. The other three merely looked at me as I laughed through the pain of having a small, eager, childlike object crash into me and said. "Yes, I'm treating. But we're going into the Human Village, so try to keep the suzuran close, alright?"

"Mm!" With an energetic noise, the small one nodded. I could feel the poison receding as she sang to herself that I was buying.

"That was serious?" The miko asked me. "I thought that was just Aya."

"Isn't it a tradition with you people to feast after an incident?" I asked. As the little poison doll danced around in the air, the flower youkai showed up. The same suspicious expression.

"I won't ask what you can do." She said. "It's worth the free nabe."

"Is it that obvious?" I asked her exasperatedly.

"Yes, it is." She said. "I've been alive so long you can't fool me anymore."

Twirling her parasol slightly, she flew off after her young charge. _I swear, that flower woman's like a mother hen._ Looking after them, I turned back to Alice.

"That one's so well-proportioned that she's like a doll." I said. "Childish and very friendly too; the perfect opportunity. Make the most of it; I'm throwing away my salary for this."

"Why would you do this?" Alice asked. "I mean, it's not like we're friends." I laughed when she said that.

"You know, I guess you're right." I said. "But what I break, I fix. If I can't, then I work at it until it's fixed." I grinned wide at her. "I'm just an idiot that way." I didn't even have time to take in her reaction, as the next guests had already introduced themselves.

"I'd love to go to a nabe party." I sort-of recognized the keyboardist's voice, but I wasn't entirely sure until I twirled and saw the band. "Especially if he's throwing it to get Luna-nee's favor."

"Or to help her stay happy after you pulled the music up half an octave!" Merlin the trumpeter could play her own throat just as well, apparently. The eldest sister just sighed. I feel your pain, sis, being an older sibling sucks.

"Not happening." I said. Those three had not been part of the plan, which meant it worked better than expected already. "Where'd you three come from? Last time I checked you were up near the border of life and death where ghosts should be.

"Rehearsing." The older sister was going to push this conversation back on track no matter what. _I applaud your courage._ "Even if we retain our memories, we still need to practice." But behind her, the two had already set to play with the dolls strewn across the ground. I noticed that the poison one was also analyzing them with interests. The three of them were in turn being watched carefully by Alice. As for the other three, I caught a few things about "the good old days." And Aya continued to take pictures. I went up behind Alice and said only one thing.

"Take credit for your creations!" I yelled, pushing her unceremoniously forward. Before she even had time to turn around and yell, I was already off.

"Hey all, I'll be waiting at the gate of the Village when you're ready to get nabe!" I yelled, kicking into the air. "Or you can come now, your call!"

_A nabe party? I leave you alone for ten minutes and you have a nabe party without me._ Just as I thought I had finally gotten some peace and quiet in the sky, _I'll have to dock points for that~!_

_Well, if you really want to, you can come over. Or dock points as you prefer. _I said. I ignored her as she continued to rattle off the toppings she would definitely order into my head.

Behind me, I could almost sense the others flying behind me, each engrossed in their own conversations. I turned back towards the small battalion following me. They were engrossed in conversation, with Alice smiling brightly in the center. She seemed to be chatting animatedly with Medicine, over whom Yuuka was watching carefully as always. With her were the shrine maiden and the witch, who were talking with Aya and the Prismriver Sisters, probably catching up as well. Flying in a rough orbit, their smiles and laughs reached even my ears. I couldn't resist, and so I drew my hand into my pocket.

I pulled out my camera and took the last shot. Pocketing it after the shutter closed and the film was finished off, I drew my flight diary from my other pocket, climbing a bit so nobody could see. They didn't even notice, but this is the sort of thing you should do alone, you know?

_First Flight: Second Stage._

_That was the most insane day I've ever had. Being attacked by a doll master and her army, having to bring in a huge army to beat them down, then having to throw a nabe party for her sake._

_Well, an investment is an investment. In the hopes that I can help them make friends with humans, or at least, human-friendly youkai, I want people to feel more open and friendly._

_I'm such an idiotic idealist._

_Ara, ara, despite your attitude you're actually a softie who can't help helping? _The annoying voice again.

_There were a lot of people I failed in the outside world._ I told her curtly. _I won't fail anyone again. Come if you want._

_That's grea~t! _She sang out. _I'm gonna eat a lot!_

_How old are you, anyway? _I asked her. _Because your mental age is on the same level as that doll._

I felt a sharp pain on the back of my head, probably a parasol. I turned to see half of her body coming from a purple tear in the air as always.

"You ask a girl her age and then call her dumb in one statement." She said. "Minus two thousand points."

For the first time, I knew what it felt like to have a train hit me. Luckily, I was able to recover, and as she joined the conversation behind me I crashed into the ground in front of the village gate. I picked myself up and faced the gate just in time for their landing.

Behind me, they had all arrayed themselves, even my supervisor, who expected to be fed whenever I had a party.

"Alright you guys, let's roll!" My hot-blooded, eternally cheerful self had come out again. "Nabe's on me today!" A cheer came from behind me, as we charged into a shop. In the sinking afternoon light, just before the dinner rush, our arrival was perfectly timed to get both the best food and the emptiest restaurants.

It was five hours later. At about ten in the evening. I had abstained from drinking, which was all well and good. We had gone through three fully-stocked nabe pots, filled to the brim with delectable soup and every kind of delicious meat and vegetable known to the Human Village. Well over twenty bottles of high-strength sake were drunk, which made me more than ever grateful that the boss paid well.

The problem was that I now had to carry about ten drunk girls back to their homes, as the restaurant was getting ready to close. Reimu, Marisa, and Alice were zoned out in one corner, probably singing until very recently, when they had all fallen asleep. The vampires, the librarian, and the maid had all gone off an hour ago, having gorged themselves on alcohol right after they had eaten the third pot of nabe that they had ordered on arrival, demanding that they be fed. The little oni with a large tolerance and gourd, Suika Ibuki, had already left with the other heavy drinker Aya. In contrast to that was the flower youkai, who was passed out on the table after insisting that she could still drink another round. Her charge, the little poison doll, had fallen asleep as the night had worn on, probably after the second pot had come in, steaming in all its glory. The three ghosts were scattered around the room, having regaled the restaurant and quite a number of the surrounding ones with their music before settling down into a drunken sleep. Lastly, of course, was my supervisor, the one who had proposed a drinking contest for the whole party in order to try and bankrupt me. Naturally, I kicked her.

"Cheating sober woman, please wake up." I said. "It's the responsibility of the non-drunks to help the drunks get back home."

"Hehehe… so you noticed?" She smiled her standard mischievous smile as she asked me that. Pretending to be drunk, she had leaned against the wall and thrown her head down. From that position she looked up at me, which is why I saw the smile.

"Telepathic link." I said. "As long as you're still conscious, I can sense it."

"Auu…" She said. "I knew I should have cut it off."

"Now you know. In return you shall help me carry them –eh!?" The order was cut off by a noise of surprise as I realized my target was not there.

_Manual labor builds character._ The voice in my head said.

_Just you wait; I will absolutely, definitely get you back for this._ I said. _Just you wait._

The four hours of sleep I got after that was the best sleep of my life.

It was earned by carrying girls, three at a time, back to their homes all over Gensokyo. The Scarlets took two trips, with the sheer weight that I had to pull with all of them, even the little sister, there. And despite their forms and size, I can tell you that those girls are _heavy._ If I had carried the load of food for Hakugyoukurou myself without having Killer there, that would be the weight of two of them. Killer herself had already struggled to carry those loads, what more if I had carried them alone.

I crawled into the futon, expecting to have a good night's sleep.

But there was no rest even as I drifted off to sleep. Just before I fell asleep the first time, the merciless score sheet appeared before me.

A Personal Appointment: Complete.

Helped resolve an incident almost immediately, and prevented it from happening in the future. 5000 points. Definitely worthy of a good grade.

Insulted me by calling me old, then stupid. -2000 points. It's impolite to ask those things of a lady.

Had a nabe party without inviting me. -1000 points. My three passions in life are eating, sleeping, and playing with people. Never forget that.

Snuck a picture of the girls while they weren't looking. -1500 points. Only Aya and Hatate have permission to do that.

Comments: "Who's Hatate?"

"Another tengu who thinks she can match Aya."

Paid for all of the nabe: 10000 points. That was good food.

Comments: "How is this even worth more than all of the other things combined!?"

"Because it was delicious."

"Idiot." I said.

"Minus five thousand!" She pulled her hand closer to her face, pretending to be hurt more than the hundred-ton-weight that had just slammed into me.

"It was worth it…" I groaned under the stress of the crushing air.

"Minus four thousand!" She said, throwing another weight at me. I almost heard my spine snap into its individual vertebrae.

"Alright already!" I yelled.

Total: 1500 points. Alright, I can give you a C.

"You pulled so much crap…"

"Remember, every point lost is a bit closer to death's door…"

I sighed heavily. "One of these days…"

My four hours of time that night had been reduced to three.


	17. Delivery 10

Delivery 10: Insanity Is Subjective, Dear Friend!

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I was strangely refreshed when I woke up, having had only three hours of sleep. The usual conversations followed.

"Where to, boss?" I asked.

"The Bamboo Forest of the Lost." He said. "Apparently they need a big delivery of flour for the festival they've got coming up."

"What, the monthly Lunar Festival?" I asked. "The thing when they start singing 'The first strike is for Lord Daikoku~'?"

"Yes, that one." He said. "Anyway, they need flour to pound."

"But… this is only as much as the party delivery for Hakugyoukurou!" I protested. "I would think that there's quite a large group of rabbits!"

"That's more than they ordered last year." He replied. I just looked at him. He didn't seem to be lying.

_Crazy pink ghost girl whose name I forgot, I salute your eating power. _I thought. "I'll take Killer; besides, she could use the exercise."

"That's good." The boss said. "By the way, you came home pretty late last night."

"Party." I said. "For the sake of a youkai's future mental stability, I had to do it."

"Whatever you say." He said. He didn't seem to believe me, which was a good thing. Never mind that I was a little ticked off that my mission went unnoticed. "Now get goin', kid!"

"Sir, yes sir!" I saluted and marched out the door, as well as I could imitate the parade ground marchers I saw in my youth. He watched as I swung my legs up and down through the door in what must be the most impractical-looking walk of all time. Even the door seemed to mock me as I closed it and looked up at the clear blue sky. I yawned.

"You're a pretty hard worker." Hayama's head popped up over the short wall, along with his chest and arms. My neighbor looked like he had just gotten up, bed hair and all, and was now throwing words at me. "Just remember that even if you're awake, your body might not be." He said, turning around.

"Ha ha." I said. "At least you're here in the village, not having to deal with youkai everywhere."

"I wouldn't be too sure about that." Hayama said. "Miou told me about a youkai around the village who likes scaring people." He returned to the low fence. "She was scared out of her wits yesterday, I-."

"Alright, I'll keep an eye out." I said, cutting him off. "I understand how you feel, but don't do anything stupid. Is she okay?"

"Yeah, she's fine." He said. "But…"

"I know you're worried." I said to him. "I'll see if I can manage to get that youkai between deliveries."

"Thanks." He said, and turned away. "It sucks that I can't do anything." He seemed dejected. I put my hand on his shoulder.

"I know how that feels." I told him. "But people are like that. They give responsibility to those who can do it. You farm because you know how; I deliver to the outside because I can take it." He nodded. I took my hand off his shoulder.

"A job well done by one man is better than a job done badly by ten." I said, half to myself and half to him, as I turned to the stable. Seemingly calmed, he went his own way.

_My my, quite the philosopher, aren't we?_ That voice again, coming from the ribbon that pinned down my power. _Thinking so hard so early in the morning._

_Shut up. I'm very, very cranky because I didn't get my sleep._ I responded. _Don't bother me._ With that, I ignored her continued talking as I saddled up Killer.

"There, there, I'm sorry." I told the unicorn who whinnied to complain about the weight of the flour. "Now." I kicked off, the white horse with my load following me into the sky.

I felt its horn lightly jab my arm and I laughed as she whinnied behind me. I could only hope that that was laughter and not bloodlust as I reached higher into the sky.

The yawning, the headache, the crankiness from lack of sleep, they seemed to just fall into the background as I climbed higher into the sky.

_It's impolite to just brush a girl off, you know? _The seemingly offended voice returned, as if it had ever left. _And I was just about to tell you how well you did your job._

_I only did what was necessary. _I said. Suddenly, after only a few seconds of flying, the red barriers came up in front of me. I stopped in midair. I could sense it now; the presence of power that had been following me since the Village.

"Hmm… 'Beware the Umbrella Left There Forever'?" I asked, reading the white text that appeared on the side of the barrier.

"Surprise!" She yelled. "I've got you, you slippery human!" I turned to face the mildly threatening voice.

The girl in blue was shielded beneath a huge purple umbrella with a large eye and a tongue. Her hair was as blue as she was, and her eyes were mismatched, one blue, and one red.

"Victor Hunter." I said. "Who are you and what do you want?" I asked as I motioned for Killer to land. I was trying to be more professional now, hopefully, that approach would reduce the number of stupid situations I got into by throwing people off.

"I came here to scare you!" She smiled, twirling the umbrella and herself with childlike energy. _So much for professionalism and throwing them off. These girls all move at their own pace. _"It took me ten tries to get you, so now I'm going to scare you good!"

Large Ring: Umbrella Halo

It was a swirl of colored projectiles. Patterned like a gigantic swirl, it gave off the impression of water droplets falling off an umbrella that was being rapidly swung in an arc, much like she was actually doing.

"Whee~!" She called out. "Are you scared now?"

I wove between the projectiles, easily moving back and forth to the pattern. The rapid beats of the electric keyboard filled my ears and sharpened my focus. My headache and drowsiness were completely gone now, replaced by total focus.

"Not at all!" I yelled back at her, firing my mildly irritating small lasers. "But you can keep trying; I'm getting paid by commission, so I have lots of time!"

"Alright, I'll break out the big guns!" She said it enthusiastically, as if scaring people was a life goal.

_Scaring people… wait… that seems familiar… _I remembered the conversation with Hayama a minute ago.

"Hey!" I yelled. "Did you happen to scare a girl from the Human Village yesterday?" I asked. "A head taller than you, blue hair, a golden pin in it?"

"Oh, yeah, I got her good!" She said, smiling at me. "She ran away really quick!"

"Oh dear." I said to her. "I'll have to punish you for that." I said, aiming my finger at her.

"Whaaat?" She asked, totally mystified. "Why~?" I had no idea what to say.

"Didn't you ever learn manners!? People don't usually like unplanned things." I said.

"But unplanned things are all the fun in life!" She responded. "If everything was planned out, it would be really boring, don't you think?"

"I agree with you on that much." I said. "But scaring people is just wrong!"

"Okay, that's it! I was planning just to frighten you a bit, but now I'm going to go all-out!" She raised another spell card.

_Hey, hey. _The voice called again. _I'm not giving you permission, but you might need this._ From out of a purple gap in front of me was an umbrella, about as long as my arm and in a bright pink. _Thanks._

_I thought you might need this. Remember, you're on your own._ The voice left as I took the umbrella in my hands. _Everyone's still drunk from last night._

Rain Sign: A Rainy Night's Ghost Story!

Three very unexpected things happened in quick succession.

First it started raining, at which point I was extremely grateful for the pink parasol I had immediately opened.

Second, mixed in with the rain was a number of bullets, none of which would be affected by the umbrella and were coming in mostly from the front.

Third, as if on cue, my headache returned with a vengeance. And the umbrella girl was laughing at my dodging.

I take offense to those last two. I made a wide arc in order to have to dodge as few of those bullets as possible, then took breaths to clear my head.

"What's wrong?" She asked. "I thought you were going to beat me!" By now I had cleared my head and folded the parasol.

Getting wet didn't matter; the only things that did were showing this girl the error of her ways and getting the job done. Rushing into a screaming dive, I focused my eyes and fingers on her figure. The rain weighed me down, slowing my flight.

But I had strengthened the laser from "mildly irritating" to "mildly painful." I began to fire.

"Ow, ow, ow!" She yelled, flying away from my laser beams.

"I told you I'd get you!" I threw these words at her as I flew between the bullets but not between the rain. "And now I'm soaked!"

"Hee hee, that's what you get for messing with me~!" She twirled again, throwing a new wave of water and bullets my way. _Well, at least now I know that whoever she scares won't be harmed._

I twirled myself, using the drill-like motion to both throw myself forward and to the side.

Since my lasers are extremely weak, there's only one way for me to win a spell card battle, which is direct contact. I abandoned safety, using pure instinct to dodge through the clouds at the highest speed.

"Whoa!" She said. "You're good."

"Thanks." I said. "But this ends here!"

The distance was an insignificant twenty meters. I rushed. There was a small gap, right in front of me. She summoned a huge amount of bullets in that one place, as dense as the rain itself.

But my right hand was in my pocket, reaching for the camera. I brought it out and clicked it right at the gigantic wall of water.

And then I realized that I had forgotten to reload the film. The wall of "water" smashed into me, rendering me soaking wet from head to toe, cold, and the loser of the battle.

"Ahahahaha~! That was close!" The girl laughed off her win. "Let's do this again sometime!"

"Sure." I said. I had given up on professionalism and help; there was no point now. Better to just get with the rhythm. "Just don't scare people too badly, okay~?"

"I'll try~!" She said, prolonging her last syllable. "But I can't promise, a youkai needs to be scary, after all~!" She flew off her way, and I flew mine. I sighed heavily and exhaustedly as Killer made her way towards me.

"Are you alright?" I asked the white steed that had been my companion. The noble horse slipped to my side and affectionately kicked my leg. At least, I hoped it was affectionate, because the pain certainly wasn't.

"Ahahaha, it looks like everyone here's spunky, eh?" I asked the unicorn as I mounted it. "Right then. Onward to the Bamboo Forest!" She neighed, as if to confirm my energy in charging forward. Then I realized something.

I pulled my flight diary out from my pocket. It was soaking wet.

"Goodbye, Flight Diary #2. I'll miss you." I threw it into the air. "Time to bring out Flight Diary #3!"

With the last of my money I had bought more flight diaries. It was a stupid decision on my part, but the insanity here is of such a degree that one stupid decision can't add much more.

We flew off into the sky, charging into the blue morning. As we cut through the sky, I started writing.

_Flight #3. Met a strange youkai who wants to scare people today. Has a big purple umbrella and a lot of guts. _

_Anyway, I'm really, really sleep-deprived thanks to yesterday, so now I'll make the delivery as quickly as possible then go to sleep. I wonder how long I'll last._ _I was never good with sleeping time, so I hope that I'll make it there, at least._ I closed the blank book.

_Man, I'm so sleepy…_

We landed quite soon after I had closed the book. On landing, I was thrown unceremoniously off of Killer's back, who merely neighed in reproach when I woke up. A bit of pain in my side and head from falling kept me awake.

"Ah, man, I dozed off." I said to nobody in particular. At the very least, my headache was a bit better, and the yawning had stopped. "Sorry." The unicorn acted unconcerned, instead actually eager to proceed.

"Let's go." I said, kicking off through the bamboo forest. Flying as if I was being dragged by a string from on high, and constantly slapping my face to avoid sleeping, we advanced through the forest.

The heart of the mansion within the bamboo forest, Eientei. With a building style straight out of feudal Japan, bygone Emperors would have found the house just to their liking. The walls were delicately painted paper, while the wood used for the floor was smoothed down to perfection. Thanks to the influence of the ageless moon, only recently had they needed cleaning, all provided for by the earth rabbits. When they decided to work, that is.

And in this sanctum of traditional living, within the window with the potted plant that seemed to grow jewels, was the leadership of the mansion. The Princess of the Moon, Kaguya Houraisan, who had been born in bamboo on this earth, was the owner of this room.

She was also the girl in a pink blouse and a red skirt, with flowing black hair, facing a large, 52-inch plasma TV and smashing buttons on a sleek, black controller.

"Come on, come _on!_" She yelled, as the screen displayed her character, a little boy holding a key for a sword, was "raving" or attacking in response to hitting the same button with correct timing. Rushing back and forth, the momentum of the thrust carrying the boy across the screen, Kaguya continued to hit the button in hopes that that would be the final blow.

One line crushed her hopes.

"Descend, Heartless Angel." The deep voice of her opponent, the strongest boss in the game, had pronounced her unworthy to proceed. She charged him, but she knew she would not make it in time.

The great explosion of light and sound consumed her character, removing every bit of her health. The image of her character lying defeated in midair appeared, and she turned off the console, sighing to herself.

"That's the third time today." She said. "Maybe I should just go play something else." She looked at the game console. Although it was quite dated, it held quite a number of good games. The sleek, black plastic was impassive as always, struggling with the heat from the game. A voice from the hall interrupted.

"Kaguya, please come down." The voice of her loyal retainer, the "Brain of the Moon", floated into the room "There's an intruder."

"Alright, Eirin." She said. Although most of her life she had not been very involved in strategy or in doing anything at all, she had been trying to help as much as she could after that endless night. "I'm coming." She went down the wooden steps, making no noise as she came down.

The main dining room of Eientei wasn't a grand affair. It was more like a simple house than anything, possibly to help Kaguya stay with what she was used to. Having been raised by a farmer and his wife, they thought that Kaguya would be more accustomed to simple furnishings. As such, there was only a table and cushions for furnishing. Inside the room were the other two inhabitants of the castle.

Her retainer, nurse, and personal guardian all in one, Eirin Yagokoro, was already at the table. The nurse dressed in red and blue nodded at her appearance, her long silver hair tied up in its braid as always. The other was a purple-haired girl in what appeared to be a school uniform. She looked very normal, with the exception of the rabbit ears that were on her head. This was Reisen Udongein Inaba, Eirin's research assistant, test subject, and generally her follower.

"Where's Tewi?" Kaguya asked immediately, taking her seat at the head of the table.

"She's organizing the rabbits and getting ready for the festival tomorrow." Eirin said. "With any luck, she'll deal with the intruder before he gets here."

"If he does, then what?" Kaguya asked.

"The usual plan. Bait him and take him, then interrogate him." Eirin said. At this point, Reisen spoke up.

"Ummm… I remember the delivery service saying that they would send a man over today…"

"Nonsense." Eirin said. "Humans have a premium on professionalism, and that one has a ribbon and is riding a mythical beast. There is no way that's a deliveryman."

"But he's got bags of flour…"

"Udonge." Eirin smiled, but there was something behind that smile that made it more than just a smile. "Shall we test my newest concoction, the 'Elixir of Never-Ending Hiccups' now?" The bunny immediately bowed and said. "I'm sorry, Master!"

"Well and good." Eirin said, standing up. "Now, as for the particulars of the plan…"

"I'll handle that." Kaguya said. "It's about time that I step up to do something."

"Are you sure?" Eirin asked, with a hint of worry on her face.

"Don't worry. I'll make sure we get our information." The meeting concluded.

I flew through the bamboo forest. The dense stalks made it hard to even see the direction you were flying in, and the leaves blocked quite a bit of light, casting shadows everywhere. _It would be easy to trap someone here…_

"It's been a while since a human's shown up here! It must be my lucky day!" The voice came from my right, where a cute, small girl with bunny ears, black hair, and a pink dress, was already flying next to me.

"Whoa!" I yelled, almost falling off Killer, who neighed as if to scold me. "Sorry about that, Killer."

"You named such a beautiful white horse like that 'Killer'?" She asked me. "That's pretty weird."

"It was trying to kill me once." I responded, pointing at the horn on Killer's forehead. "Anyway, do you live around here?" I asked.

"All my life." She said. "Where to?" She asked, with a smile on her face.

I sensed something slightly dangerous behind that smile, but I decided to ignore it. The forest was dense, and getting lost was not going to be helpful.

"Some place called Eientei. They need the flour I've got to start making cakes for their festival."

"Oh, oh, then let me take it!" She said. "With that, we'll be able to get started right away!"

Immediately I was on my guard. "Sorry, but I need to get this signed and paid for. At Eientei."

"Can't you see that I'm a rabbit!?" She yelled, pointing at her ears. "Look, only rabbits live in Eientei, and I'm a rabbit!"

"Yes, but following that line of argument, there's no guarantee that you're from Eientei just because you're a rabbit." I said. I was surprised that I had even argued back. Normally I would have tried to negotiate.

"Stubborn! Alright, fine, I'll take you there, but when they tell you to hand it over to me I'm not responsible!" She said this indignantly, pushing off in a direction a bit to the left of our previous direction. I followed her, the unicorn galloping behind me. _How do unicorns gallop in midair, anyway? _I asked myself. _Can they fly without galloping?_

Consumed by these thoughts, we continued our flight towards the mansion in the bamboo forest.

The mansion was huge. That other mansion was actually bigger on the inside than it was on the outside, but this one was as big on the outside as it was on the inside.

"Now you'll see." She said, banging on the door. "Udonge! Let me in!"

The door was answered almost immediately by a purple-haired girl with bunny ears. Immediately, the first bunny said "This guy doesn't believe that I live here!"

She looked at me and I looked at her. We made eye contact.

I had a sudden calling that I should go there, grab the purple bunny, and run inside singing "I'm a Barbie Girl" for all the world to hear, but it wasn't a particularly strong calling. It was probably because my brain was foggy with drowsiness. Because of that, I was able to walk up to her, Killer behind me.

"Victor Hunter." I said, extending my hand. "I'm here with the flour. Ordered by a certain Eirin Yagokoro?" I held a clipboard in the other hand.

Normally, because of this, the problem would be resolved. The bunny would take him to Eirin, and then all would be well. But fear of her master kept her in line, spurred on by the "Elixir of Never-Ending Hiccups". Her master was also known to be quite revolutionary, willingly throwing in different ingredients. She shuddered to remember when she had been turned into a lizard by her master's experimental skin cream, or the time when her master's "Elixir of Truth" had turned her into a small, round, purple-furred bunny. Those were of the less extreme examples.

As such, she continued with the plan.

"Sure." She said, letting go of his hand. "Come this way."

"The delivery's on the horse." I said.

"We'll sign for it inside and take care of it."

At the meeting, Kaguya had decided that she would bait him in her own room. So she began to climb the flights of stairs leading to the moon inhabitants' quarters. As she did this, she made sure to step loudly thrice on the stairs. It was a signal between her and her master.

It meant that the bait was on the line.

Udonge showed the visitor in. I looked at him, sizing him up for a few seconds as he did the same to me.

_A bit on the tall side, umbrella strapped to his back, clothes are fine. Black hair and eyes, looks like he hasn't slept in days. There's something behind those eyes, though…_

As soon as I had been shown into the room I was sure that the purple-haired rabbit had tricked me. I had to be civil, though, so I repressed the urge to swing the umbrella that was strapped across my back and smack her aside the head. I sized up the girl in front of me.

_Delicate. Long black hair and black eyes, a pink blouse and red skirt. Seems like she needs to go outside more. But…_

My glance fell to the TV cabinet. Never mind that they had electricity or TVs, the one thing that surprised me the most was that she owned a PS2. I had loved that game system to death back home, with it being my main source of games for a long time in my life.

It brought back memories. And then I remembered I was being kept as a prisoner.

"What do you think I am?" I asked.

"You're a sleep-deprived teenager who showed up on our territory." She said. "Explain yourself."

"I'm just a delivery boy." I said. "By the way, is the Eirin who lives here the same one who runs the clinic?" I asked.

"Yes, she is, although she doesn't get paid much for it." The girl said, seemingly completely forgetting about interrogating me. "Now tell me what you're here for." _I need to work on my body language reading._

"This." I said, pulling out the order form. The boss insisted that I always carry around the original order form. It had the name of the client and how much was to be delivered. "Signed by a Ms. Eirin Yagokoro."

She took it and read it. Running her finger down the form, she made comments like "That's just like Eirin", or "I wonder what that is." Appearing to be satisfied, she put the form down on the table.

"Well, we're pretty sure you're not an invader or a spy from the moon now." She said, turning back to the game console. "Just stay here until Eirin comes over." She powered it on.

"Victor Hunter, delivery boy." I said. "Your name?"

"Kaguya Houraisan." She said as the screen showed the Sony screen. On the 52-inch TV, it looked like anyone watching it would really fall into the world of misty cubes.

"Oh wow, that's nostalgic." I said, as the opening screen to Kingdom Hearts I took the place of the Sony screen.

"You've played it before?" She asked, turning around.

"Yeah, but I'm no good at it." I said. "I was playing for the story, really."

"How far did you get?" She asked me as she loaded her file. Sora, Donald, and Goofy stood in the desert, inside the Colosseum. I saw Keyblades that I had only gotten at the end of the game, and when she opened the menu, I saw spells and Keyblade combos I could only dream of.

"I beat the guy in charge of the Heartless at the end." I said. "Didn't go farther than that."

"Weak." She said, but at least she had acknowledged my being a gamer. "Watch this." She walked into the Colosseum, and only now did I realize the challenge she was attempting.

The legendary final boss fight, equivalent to Touhou's Lunatic Difficulty to the Kingdom Hearts fandom. I could hear his legendary theme, "One-Winged Angel", in the background. There was only one who could do that. And as the Latin chanting started in the back, I saw his face.

_Estaus interus, Ira ve-hementi_

_Estaus interus, Ira ve-hementi_

His long silver hair, contrasting with his black coat. The sword that was longer than anything practical, only usable because of his amazing skill. The eyes of a madman, who had no hesitation in destroying anything and everything.

_Sephiroth!_ The orchestra blares out another chord before they scream his name again. _Sephiroth!_

The final boss beyond the final boss, Sephiroth, the legend. And in front of me, I could see the girl's eyes. They were glazed over and utterly intense, as if she herself was the boy in the game. I heard the door creak slightly.

_Estaus interus, Ira ve-hementi_

_Estaus interus, Ira ve-hementi_

An older woman, a silver-haired nurse wearing an outfit that was checkered into four parts, two blue and two red, looked in. I recognized her from the Village, having seen her making the rounds a few times. Again, the orchestral music resounded, along with their voice.

_Sephiroth! Sephiroth!_

I put my finger to my mouth, and gestured at the girl, who had already started pressing buttons with methodical rhythm. Moving farther and closer, she controlled the pace of the battle by changing the range with her opponent. I moved to the door, taking care to stay below the already extremely quiet music.

_Sors immanis._

"Eirin Yagokoro?" I asked in a low voice, holding out the clipboard. "The stuff is downstairs with the white horse. Please keep quiet, your mistress is concentrating."

_Et inanis._

She nodded, signing her name. _Sors immanis. _"I'm curious, though, what is in that game?"

_Et inanis._

"Well, she's fighting an optional boss." I said. "Like a boss in the game that you can choose to challenge or not, that is stronger than the actual boss of the game." At the end of the sentence, the orchestra picked up again, returning to their fiery beginning.

_Estaus interus, Ira ve-hementi_

"Really." She said. "Why would anyone fight a boss like that?"

_Estaus interus, Ira ve-hementi_

"Well, it's to show how good you are at a game." I said. "Believe it or not, they have videos of people fighting this boss in the Outside World."

_Sephiroth!_

_Sephiroth!_

I heard a grunt and looked back inside. The girl was engrossed in the game, more so than before. It was as if every part of her soul had been sucked into the game. I saw that the boss had changed his attack pattern. His life was at pink, which could mean only one thing. The music had also silenced itself, reducing its former glory to a pale whisper.

The erratic attack pattern that was the bane of all challengers, the crazy flying, moving, and dodging that was coupled with attacks that could kill you so quickly you would barely even see them, had begun, and the girl's look took on a new ferocity as she dodged and countered methodically. Her fingers were moving faster than I had ever seen anyone ever hit buttons, making me worry for the controller. A vengeful voice, like the chanting of a horde of demons, began.

_Veni, veni, venias._

_Ne me mori facias._

_Veni, veni, venias._

_Ne me mori facias._

The violins picked up, the song becoming more intense once again. I could feel Eirin and I holding our breath as Kaguya brought down another lifebar.

With bated breath, the nurse and I watched the duel from the door. In order to minimize the noise that we might cause, we both leaned on the sliding door's frame from opposite directions, with myself leaning forward into it and her leaning back from the corridor. I could feel the doorjamb creaking, but that was irrelevant.

_Veni, veni, venias._

_Ne me mori facias._

_Veni, veni, venias._

_Ne me mori facias._

Kaguya's face stiffened. Down to the last three lifebars, the monster had begun to move faster and hit harder. The green mako glow from his body seemed to be an evil aura, intimidating the hell out of anyone who saw it.

_Veni, veni, venias. Gloriosa._

_Ne me mori facias. Generosa._

_Veni, veni, venias. Gloriosa._

_Ne me mori facias. Generosa._

Another lifebar was gone. The two of us breathed again. This was the third to the last. Even as Sephiroth's attacks grew more and more intense, Kaguya remained impassive and collected.

_Veni, veni, venias. Gloriosa._

_Ne me mori facias. Generosa._

_Veni, veni, venias. Gloriosa._

_Ne me mori facias. Generosa._

The girl had whittled the swordsman's health down to his last bar. But at that moment, as if the artificial intelligence had decided to savage the girl, the swordsman said "Power!" and slashed an innumerable amount of times. The girl, shocked by the blow, pushed her character into a dodging frenzy. She couldn't escape a few blows, though, which whittled her character's health down to half. She was casting Cure when I heard the three words that would almost certainly doom her.

_Sephiroth!_

"Descend, Heartless Angel."

The attack that wiped the opponent's health and magical power, setting them to zero. I knew from looking at the menu a while ago that she did not have Second Chance, an ability that would have let her live with only one point of life.

The orchestra pulled up the music as she charged for her life. If she could get this full combo in, Sephiroth was finished. Kaguya charged right at him, putting everything on the line with this last burst of speed. She was still far away when Sephiroth made his final pronounciation.

_Sephiroth!_

"Too late for laments." But Kaguya was already there. Her character was, I mean. And at that moment, she said.

"Oh no you don't!" With that, she hit X, the attack key. She hit the button over and over again, desperately trying to hurt Sephiroth.

_Sephiroth!_

I turned away, fully expecting the game-over screen. It was a noble effort, one that any gamer would be proud of. I was ready to console her when…

"Kaguya-sama, you did it!" The nurse rushed in through the door, making me slam face-first into the tatami floor right after she rushed by me.

"Wah, wha, Eirin!?" She yelled, absolutely flustered. "You were watching!?" The nurse was as tall as the girl, and thanks to their momentum they had been launched closer to the wall. The nurse continued to speak as I picked myself up off of the floor, standing up.

"Oh Kaguya, you and your hobbies." The nurse affectionately messed up Kaguya's hair and quickly got up. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be off to fix the goods! Let's go, delivery boy!"

"What did…?" Kaguya asked me.

"She saw the whole boss run." I said. "She's probably pretty proud of you right now."

"Proud… of playing a video game?" She asked.

"You put your heart and soul into the game." I responded. "I wouldn't be surprised if she started playing right after, just to see you so intense and happy."

"Then what should we play?" She asked.

"We?" I turned.

"You saw it too, didn't you? Aren't you chomping at the bit to challenge me?" She puffed out her chest, proud of her achievement.

"Yes, I'd love to." I said. "How do you get electricity here, anyway?"

"I'm not sure anyone here knows the details." She said. "It's moon technology." _Okay._ I thought to myself. _Well, whatever, I've heard stranger tales here._

"Then I'm off to business." I said. "Got to make sure every bit of the flour is there."

"It's all there." The nurse told me.

"Thank goodness." I said, as the rabbits prepared to pound in front of the moon. "It's been a rough day."

"You can stay for a while if you want." She said. I considered it for a bit. I mean, being able to play games after so long…

_Is that really what you should be thinking about? _The annoying voice again.

_I've always been a gamer._ I replied. _Old habits die hard._

I actually considered staying. Getting to know a fellow gamer, especially at a time like this, was a great stress reliever and a temptation. But since the drowsiness was slowly returning, I turned her down.

"Sorry, I had a late night last night." I said. "I'm gonna go home and crash." The nurse had already left the scene, so I got on my horse and did the same.

After that, Eirin returned to the mansion and had a sit-down with her bunny in her room. Explaining the situation, they came to the conclusion that they had overreacted.

"I don't understand why the Lunatic Red Eyes didn't work on him, though." The purple-haired bunny said.

"He was suffering from severe sleep deprivation." Eirin said. "That caused mild insanity, which means that your eyes can't drive him completely mad. In fact, you probably made him a bit more sane."

"Oh." She said. "That's new." She left.

Her master stared up at the blue sky. She felt the years on her as the clouds moved. Staring up dreamily into space, she let a single line loose.

"Is impurity such a bad thing?" She asked the wind.

_Wait, so that purple bunny could make me go insane? _I asked her.

_That's right, that's exactly what she does._

_… I am riding on a flying unicorn, hearing about bunnies with human form, legendary princesses of the moon, and people who have cooked up potions of immortality. And I believe all of it. I must be insane. _

_Yes, you are. _She said. _For someone with a common sense such as how you've been in the outside world, things like us can't exist; so by believing in them you think you're insane._

_Basically, yes._ I said. _Now if you'd excuse me, I'd like to get some shut-eye._

_And get thrown off on the ground again?_

_It was worth it._ I said, stifling a yawn with my left hand. _Just let me sleep._

_I'll tell you how you did first. _The equations appeared again, like a receipt for a restaurant, with prices on each item.

Delivery 10: Insanity is Subjective, Dear Friend!

Peacefully lost to Tatara Kogasa: 500 points! Not bad for a loser like you!

Slammed on the ground hard: 500 points! Ahahahaha! I couldn't stop laughing!

Peacefully convinced the rabbit of your true purpose: -750 points! For shame! That's not interesting at all! Go back there and fight them!

Resisted the Lunatic Red Eyes: -250 points! But it would have been so funny to see you sing "I'm a Barbie Girl!"

Watched Kaguya play a game: 500 points! That seems interesting. I wonder if I can really get those in the outside world…

Comments:

_You really just use me as a human camera, don't you?_

_Yes! You're like a magnet for interesting things!_

I sighed and closed my eyes, leaving my mind to go blissfully blank.

At least until a large mass crashes into my left side.


	18. Delivery 10, Stage 2

Delivery 10, Stage 2: A Rainy Afternoon's Surprise.

For the second time today I was thrown unceremoniously onto the ground. This time, though, it was from a much higher altitude, so I was surprised I had not broken any bones, let alone still alive.

_You're lucky I'm the only one who can injure you during evaluations._ The voice rang inside my head. _You would've broken a few bones if I hadn't helped._

_Thanks for the vote of confidence._ I replied, both thankful and disoriented. I opened my eyes to see a purple umbrella with a large eye and tongue in front of me. As soon as I could recognize it, though, she had already flitted off up towards the sky. I turned to follow her, kicking off from the ground. As always, the drowsiness lifted as I took off into the sky behind the large purple umbrella. She was going faster than I had ever seen, as if she was running from someone.

_Running from someone… _I thought, and turned. A green, blue, and white blur zipped past me as my head moved to the left, almost hitting me. The blur continued to chase the purple umbrella, as if hunting it. The blur made a movement, and a large number of ofuda burst forth from her hand to hunt down the umbrella. The eye on the umbrella widened as if surprised.

"Don't hurt me!" The umbrella girl protested, diving and weaving between the attacks. I saw that she was already injured, having been hit in the knee. "All I wanted to do was scare people!"

"Quit acting innocent!" The blur closer to me yelled. "I'm gonna take you down right now!"

"Aieeee~!"

I was standing here watching them fight, hovering a hundred feet in the air. The blue girl had gone closer to the ground, in order to dodge between the trees, but the green one was faster, firing ofuda exactly where her target would be. Normally, it would have been a fight, but I could almost feel the pain from where the ofuda had struck the umbrella girl's leg. With a wound like that, it would be impossible to dodge like this forever.

And when that happened the other girl's ofuda would rain down mercilessly upon her, and it would be over. In the meantime, their duel had progressed. The green-haired one nearer to me, apparently bored with this, pulled out a card from inside her outfit. Now that I looked closely, it resembled a blue version of the red miko outfit that lazy Ms. Hakurei had worn.

_Oh! The other shrine that had the festival!_ I thought, but just as I realized that the attacker was a miko, the red barriers of the Spell Card System went up, and the miko's hand was raised, a card held high in the air.

Miracle: Miracle Fruit! Strangely, large, vibrantly colored red fruit appeared all over the tiny box. Slowly, the fruits closed in on the girl holding the purple umbrella.

My body moved without me knowing it. As the gaps between the fruits were still quite large, I charged, resisting the urge to take a bite out of the danmaku. Charging into the tiny space, I threw my arm onto the youkai.

"What, what, what is this!?" She yelled. I paid her no heed as I charged through the sky into the one tiny gap left.

She made it. I threw her out of the reach of the gigantic red fruits. Their lush and beautifully skinned surfaces rushed towards me as I charged with all my might.

Their deceptively beautiful and enticing surfaces burned. Like the fruits themselves were acidic, I felt the burn in my skin that filled up my sense of pain. If I had been drowsy at any point before this, that was gone now.

"Agh, gha!" I coughed as I fell to the ground. I sprawled, barely managing to hold myself up with my elbows and knees. _Why did you do that, you idiot!?_ The voice questioned the action I myself did not even consider a moment before. I felt the presence of the enemy behind me and I turned around, still doubled on the ground.

"Why… why would you do that?" It was a simple question with a simple answer, which I gave.

"She hasn't done anything." I said, forcing the voice out. "Why exterminate an animal that takes nothing from you?" I stood unsteadily. The girl floating above us, now that I got a look at her, was indeed the green-haired miko from the festival. The snake ornament on one side of the head, the blue and white-outfit, almost identical to Reimu's, this was indeed the girl who actually had a fanclub in the Human Village for being an outsider _and _being quite beautiful.

But to me she was the enemy, and as she threw another handful of ofuda at the umbrella youkai I moved again.

This time it was not some clumsy shielding, it was a perfect rush for the girl complete with the pick-up, slinging her over my shoulder as I took off, all in one, smooth motion. _Who knew that delivering things could be so useful? _I thought to myself as I drew level with the miko, still carrying the youkai on my back.

"Leave her alone and so will I." I said. Five cards in the left hand emphasized my point. "She hasn't done anything." I already had my left hand on my bow at this point, ready to pull down at any time.

"Are you…?" Her voice, still unsure, began to ask.

"A hundred percent human." I said. "And a hundred and ten percent an idiot." We glared at each other. My hand was already on the bow, ready to take as much power as I needed to beat her into the ground if she so much as tried to make another attack.

But then she left. She quite simply left. I tilted my head to the side.

_Don't relax. She's just going back to get orders._ The voice in my head said. _A shrine maiden takes orders from her god, after all._

_Then we should take this opportunity. _"We're out of here." I told the girl. "Where do you live?"

"Why would you help me?" She asked. "You're human, and I'm a youkai who might try to eat you. Even I'm surprised." She said, looking up at me.

In her eyes were both surprise and pain. The first I could live with. The second I could not.

"You aren't going to do anything. The fact that my friend Souma is still alive is proof of that." I told her. "Youkai can be better than people sometimes."

There was silence for a moment, as she slid off of me and regained her bearings. Without a word she flew off, and so did I. Killer had probably gone on ahead and hit the hay. With her teeth.

_What are you going to do now? _She asked. _That was the Moriya miko, and you just stopped her from finishing a youkai extermination. _

_Let it happen. _I responded. _It's not like we can start changing things until we know what their strategy is._

_You're an absolute idiot; far more than anyone else here._ She said. _And you call me dumb._ I could imagine the pout on her face as she said that, and I laughed, shrugging my shoulders after the laughter died down.

_What can I say? That's how I am._

_You say that, but you're not going to escort that girl?_

_Ha ha. _I responded. _Nice joke._

Silence as the flight continued. The rest of the day was uneventful, up to and including the time that I read "The Scarlet Queen and the Rose Cross". It had calmed me before I went to sleep again, hoping for the best.

"So there's someone who would go against a miko in the village?" The tall, blue-haired one asked her subordinate, the miko clad in white and blue a head shorter than she was. "Interesting…"

"Lady Kanako, I think he's no problem. He's from the outside, and he has no idea how things work here." The miko, addressing her god face-to-face, responded clearly. The god seemed to mull over these words for a bit before she responded.

"Sanae." She said. "That is exactly why he's a threat." The god took a breath in, and then began to speak.

"In my life, I have seen empires rise and fall because of people like him. People outside the norm, who can change the beliefs of the world. At first, all of them were mocked and ridiculed, or treated as mere scholars and dreamers. But then they showed that they were correct, and people had faith in them. From there, they changed the world." She spoke as if from experience. "As such, he must be carefully considered." She nodded, and there was silence.

The plan had already been decided.

"Well, that miko girl must like you or something, because we got another order from the Moriya Shrine!" I scowled unintentionally, then put on a smile for the boss' little joke. Quite naturally, I parlayed it.

"I suppose I'd better be careful out at night, otherwise I'll end up stabbed to death by her fans."

"Oh yes, I'm not letting you out after ten again." He said. "If that happened, I'd lose one of my best men."

We shared a hearty laugh over breakfast, making more and more references to Sanae's legions of fans stabbing me to death, before he handed me the goods and sent me off. The haul wasn't much, just cleaning supplies and a few backup tatami mats.

It was painfully obvious to me what was going on. They were calling me out, even taunting me by making it part of my job. I only shrugged it off as I flew down the familiar path.

_Yes, yes, you're walking completely unarmed right into their trap and you're not fearing for your life._ The voice in my head said. _Perfectly rational, all that. No plan, no reason, you're going for the one and only reason that it's your job._

_Yes. _I said. _Unlike you, I don't have money, so I have to do my job for it._

Surprisingly, the trip was both silent and completely peaceful. I approached the shrine with some hesitation, which was natural in light of what had happened last night.

"You can come out now." An unfamiliar voice, strong and firm. I popped up into the air, getting a view of the entire shrine grounds. The grounds were clean and well-kept, free of leaves and other debris. The grounds were entirely flat but for one protrusion.

A blue-haired woman, taller than I was, standing in the middle of the grounds. Her red blouse and darker skirt flapped in the wind, the same wind that made me hold my hat to stop it from flying away. Her figure was tall and striking, as if she had been carved as a statue. Something about her stance seemed to lend her strength, possibly due to the width of the distance between her feet and the way in which she stood straight as a rod.

In other words, she had presence. And it was this presence that told me to land right in front of her, not giving an inch. This person would absolutely, definitely be a general, desensitized to the pain of face-up confrontations. In the outside, she would be a negotiator, with nerves of steel and a terrifying poker face, known for getting her way.

That was the presence given off by the tall woman standing in the middle of the grounds of the Moriya Shrine. I landed, standing straight. I would not submit.

Never mind that my knees were already shaking. Never mind that I could barely keep eye contact, tense at the very moment our eyes met.

I walked every step, projecting as much self-confidence as I had ever had and feeling it drain out of me. I held out the bag.

"Here you are, Ms. Yasaka." I said. I also held out the clipboard with both hands. I could barely control their trembling.

"I have nothing against you and your actions." She said. Quite obviously, she knew who I was. "But scaring the hell out of Sanae will not be tolerated." She stretched a hand towards the package and clipboard, took them, and signed. She put down the package. I knew I should be running but I stood there frozen.

"Now for the real reason I brought you here." She said. I had a bad feeling I already knew what she was going to do.

_Permissions Two granted. _The voice in my head said. _Go wild._

_I'm going to need that much just to survive!?_

_No, you'll have to put up a good fight._ She responded. _Gods like her don't give up easy._

_Wait, I'm fighting a god!? _I yelled at her, but just at the moment I wanted to talk, she was gone.

Above me four huge onbashira, basically gigantic wooden pillars tied with rope thicker than my arm around them, rushed at me. I saw the white letters for just a second before my body threw itself out of the onbashira's path. I could barely read the white letters between the wooden pillars.

Divine Festival: Expanded Onbashira!

"Here it comes!" She yelled. Another flock of onbashira appeared, and at random angles they were sent rushing towards me. "Take your punishment!"

The gaps between them were actually big, the problem was the speed and the fact that she was firing a constant barrage. As it was, even my sped-up vision was having trouble keeping up with the speed of her attacks. It was taking all I had just to dodge the gigantic pillars.

"Tch, so this is how powerful rage can get." I said. I pulled my hand again, looking at the spread of the cards. "Oh, that's just perfect."

As luck would have it, I got five from Wands, three from Coins, the Magician, and the Devil. Nothing I could use.

"I suppose I'll have to time this one out, then!" I decided to take a more reckless approach, charging through even the smallest gaps I saw. Thanks to her attack not being too dense, I managed to make some headway.

"Quite pretentious, aren't we?" She asked. "A human will never be able to defy a god!" She had apparently been taking it easy on the onbashira, and started tossing more of them to fill the gaps between the last ones.

"Oh crap!" I yelled as one flew right by my side, with two more bearing down on me. Instinctively I rushed towards the ground. But as I flew down, a surprise was waiting for me.

There was one more down there. The large surface left no time to dodge or to evade.

I was blasted thirty feet back, landing between the shrine's torii gates and smashing me onto the steps. Just then the spell card ended.

"Is that all you have?" She asked tauntingly. "Pitiful."

Although my body had not at all been damaged, having been reinforced by my power, I still felt the pain of the attack. It was an excruciating smash, and it felt like I had broken a few of my ribs, even though I hadn't.

_This is the price of your determination._ The girl had said. _You must take the pain of attacks as well as the pleasure of victory._

"Alright. Now it's game time." Staggering to my feet, I threw the three coins cards into the air. Manifesting into large swirls of energy, they began to shoot out a barrage of smaller projectiles in a perfect spiral pattern. Losing no time, I cast with the five Wands cards.

"Fire! Earth! Wood! Metal! Water!" With that, an array appeared in the middle of the shrine grounds, spitting danmaku out in five directions. Straight forward was red, followed by the blue which slanted slightly to the side, the green wood firing farther out. The yellow metal attacks fired to the side, while the earth shot back at me. Refreshing my cards, I found myself confronted with a barrage of rainlike danmaku, little diamond bullets and all. My opponent seemed unconcerned, dodging easily.

"Kh, even with this much power I'm no match for her!" I yelled in frustration, weaving between my opponent's blue rainstorm danmaku patterns. The noise it made reminded me of the sound of rain hitting the ground. I smelled the wet ground as I furiously twisted, looped, and turned in order to avoid the attacks. Another set of cards.

Replacing the eight cards were two swords, two cups, Ace of coins, The Priestess, The Tower, and The Hanged Man. _This might be my only chance! _I raised one of my cards, and called out its name to the sky.

"Priestess Sign: Titania The Queen!" With that, an army of fairies, with their queen Titania at their head, charged into the fray, spitting magic everywhere. My opponent twirled and weaved, looking for the first time to be actually exerting effort.

I would break that confidence in half. Raising the two swords and the two cups, I threw them at her in a fan pattern, exploding into seven swords and three little daggerpoints. She turned, and, although surprised, merely turned to avoid getting hurt, at the cost of a few tears in her shirt. She didn't even scowl.

But the Ace had been thrown right behind them. Ten small magical circles appeared around her, hounding her with their accurate clouds of fire.

"You're not bad, human." She said. "But it'll take more than that to take me down!" She let go of a few onbashira as she dodged the attack of my Coins.

It was a trade. She took the damage from my attack. In exchange I got hit in the head by an onbashira. _This is absolutely not a fair trade._ I thought, slamming into the shrine grounds. The pain was unimaginable, being present not only on and inside my head, but also reawakening the nerves that felt the crushing force to my ribs. I could barely even breathe through the pain.

_Agh, there's no way I'm going to beat her! Unlike the others, she actually goes all-out when fighting!_

_Yes, and what's more, this isn't a spell card fight, so you die if you die. _The voice advised me. _She's genuinely angry that you scared off that girl._

_Well, this sucks._ I thought, slowly pulling myself together. But she was already on top of me with an onbashira.

"Goodbye." She said. "This is for my miko." She threw it. I closed my eyes.

And I heard a shutter click.

"Ayayayaya! Making trouble in my very own backyard, you crazy idiot!" The familiar crow tengu's voice cut through the fog. I was instantly awake through the pain. "I was looking for that green-haired little wanderer, but instead I find a huge fight!"

"Hmph. Come at me with everything you have!" The goddess, addressing me, said haughtily. "All will be defeated!"

"I did not call her!" I yelled. "She came here of her own volition to hunt down some green-haired wandering girl, which has nothing to do with me!"

"That's what you say, but you're actually glad that someone showed up!" I turned towards the small, girlish voice that called that out.

She had a third eye just like the girl from the underground. The rest of her was completely different. Green hair, a vacant expression, a black hat and a green dress, with a very similar design to that girl Satori.

"So you're back, Koishi." Kanako said. She frowned a bit, as if this was not going to plan.

"Yeah, and there were some good eats over in Bhava-agra!" She squealed. "What's all this?" I, however, was already back up.

"Well then, Kanako, at the very least let's put on a good show for the audience." I said. I had a plan. Now all that was left was to execute it. "You wouldn't want to disappoint your followers, would you?"

"Even if the show has your life on the line?" She asked. "You're a reckless human."

"Yeah, I'm just that kind of guy." I said. "Suicidally stupid to the bitter end." She smirked and waved her hand. The wind began to blow, and the rain attacks started up again.

I raised the umbrella I had been given while fighting the umbrella youkai. Pouring energy into it, I turned it into a sword. The goddess' eyebrows went up upon seeing this.

"Now… I'll put my life on the line!" I spat out that line, ignoring the pain in my ribs and head. Pushing my body to its limits, I flew between raindrops, carefully twisting, banking, and changing my speed. In my other hand were the ten cards that controlled my destiny. I looked at them. The Magician, The Devil, The Hanged Man, The Tower, and Justice. That last one was probably just a bit of irony. I threw my card. This is where my plan began.

"Will of the Hanged Man: Orthrus' Bite! The two-headed dog that guarded sheep rushed out." The goddess smirked, and raised a card of her own.

"Learn the value of what you waste! Forgotten Husk: Unremembered Crop!" Replacing my hound with a rain of rice, the huge cloud of food came towards me. I could hear the reporter snapping away with her camera as it happened, which did not help at all because she was not a target. In other words, none of the bullets were absorbed.

"That's a shame! Let's cook that rice, shall we? Magician Sign: Fires of Muspelheim!" The rice was burned up in the fires straight from hell, and Surt, the flaming god, appeared in the inferno. Completely afire, he pushed forward into the attack. His flaming sword shot out with amazing reach, burning the hem of Kanako's skirt.

"Not bad!" She said. "Now let's put out that little fire! Heaven's Dragons: Source of Rains!" The fires were put out by what seemed to be a gigantic sheet of water, borne down from the clouds. There was enough water to form a river, and it drenched both Surt and myself. That didn't stop me from pulling my counter card, though.

"A little wet, aren't we? Let's heat it up a bit! Devil Sign: Incubus Burst!" A red, glowing circle was formed on the ground, and a flock of Incubi burst forth. Their handsome yet grotesquely lustful forms charged, each one aiming for a different part of Kanako.

But before they even touched her they were blown away by the counter card. She was really mad now.

"How dare you desecrate my shrine!" She screamed. "In order to keep others straight in their faith, you must be destroyed! Mystery: Yamato Torus!"

Ofuda flew during that card. It made me wonder exactly how much ofuda one person could ever have. And then I remembered that these ofuda were made out of pure energy.

"I go places where religion and faith do not reach." I said. "The hero that lived before religion, Tower Sign: The Hound of Culann!" The card replaced the huge barrage of ofuda with a rush of dogs, led by an Irish spearman. Behind them I stood. Starting from Permissions Four, I could no longer use my laser, instead opting to use the Major Arcana as spellcards.

"Then I will show you my power and convert you! God Sign: Omiwatari that God Walked!"

The hounds were, in turn, replaced with a rain of attacks. Wind and water combined with a blizzard of paper ofuda charged towards me. The way towards me was cleared by the wind and water, with ofuda on the flanks and in the middle. It was an attack that was almost perfect, with barely any gaps between the attacks. It was an imposingly powerful attack, perfectly capturing her dignity and power. The road, made purely out of projectiles, was rendered impossible to traverse.

But I charged straight into it, holding up my final card. She smiled.

"After all that, do you just want to die, boy!?" She called out, taunting me. "Is that all you wished for!?"

"Oh, be quiet." I said. "No god is above even justice." I said. She smirked.

"Come and try." She said.

"Very well! Justice Sign: Protection of the Faith!"

"I might not believe in you, but I believe in morality. That alone is enough." I told her. Shielded by the divine light, I plunged straight through the road she made impassable for humans.

"Then come." The rope circle on her back formed, the four metal pillars forming an X shape on her back. "I'll show you the true power of a god!"

"Very well." I burst out of the path, throwing ofuda and danmaku everywhere. There were two cards in my hand, the Ace of Swords and the Two of Swords.

"Come, Elucidator and Dark Repulser!" I yelled. The two familiar longswords fell into my hands as my opponent pulled out two swords of her own. "Now let's dance!"

"I'll be happy to punish you this way as well!" She yelled. I lunged, swords clashing against hers. I had her now. I looked into her eyes, forcing power through my arms into the swords. Only that mattered as, gritting my teeth, I faced my opposite number. I looked at her. She seemed amused, only a bit tired. I looked over her shoulder and realized exactly why she was amused.

The four metal pillars were not there. My eyes widened.

"Receive your punishment!" She yelled out, and the four metal pillars slammed, nonlethally, into me. The barrier was broken, and I fell to the ground. I caught myself an inch above the ground, hovering head-down above the floor. My hair brushed the stones of the shrine grounds. Despite this I still took the opportunity to straighten my bow back to the original power setting.

"Not bad." She said. "I haven't had many fights lately, but that was quite entertaining."

"As long as the customer is satisfied." I said, laughing. I turned my body, letting myself fall down on the ground, back-first. Then I stood up. "I'm sorry I messed with your miko. I'll be sure to be a good boy."

"Yes, and never forget that lesson." She said. "Next time I won't be so merciful."

"Thanks for taking it easy." I said, bowing. "I guess I deserved that."

"As long as you understand." She said, and I took this as my cue to fly off.

"I'm going too." The tengu said. "I got a lot of good pictures! Time to start a danmaku shot exhibition!" The little green wanderer had already gone to find more food.

A tear in reality opened on the grounds. Kanako, with her clothes still ripped slightly, turned to it. The person who came out of it does not need to be named.

"Is he any good?" The person asked. "I really want to put him to use already."

"Oh yes, he's good." The goddess told the girl with the parasol. "The problem is he knows nothing but cards. His smaller attacks are still lethal." The other girl nodded.

"So I'll still have to send him for training."

"Yes." Kanako said. "And lots of it."

"So, how was it?" The boss asked, with a smile. "Looks like you had a good time."

"The exact opposite." I said, almost throwing myself up the stairs. Barely registering anything besides the numb pain, I reached the second floor and opened the door to my room. Reaching it, I immediately grabbed my book and flopped down onto the floor. Luckily, I hadn't been actually injured thanks to body reinforcement, but everything still hurt like hell. Nevertheless, I sat down, reading The Scarlet Queen and the Rose Cross. The book still fascinated me.

_You're still reading, even after that beating? _The voice said, rhyming on purpose. I responded.

_A scholar never rests, reading's what he does best._

_Idiot. _She said. _Tomorrow you're free, right?_

_Yeah, why? _I asked.

_You're going to the Hakurei Shrine to train._

_I know how to fight already. _I said. _Besides, that lazy miko wouldn't agree to it._

_You would have won if you knew how fighting here works. And I'll make that miko agree._

_Are you sure you're not bipolar? _I asked her. _You're flippant one moment and dead serious the next._

_Same goes for you. _She said. She didn't seem to want to talk, as the score sheet raised itself.

Delivery 10, Stage 2: A Rainy Afternoon's Surprise.

Got the job done: 500 points! (I really shouldn't be rewarding you for this, but I felt sorry for you.)

Helped start a danmaku exhibit: 500 points! Danmaku is an important part of Gensokyo's culture!

In excruciating pain: -750 points! Nobody really gets hurt in danmaku but you. Be ashamed of that fact.

Total: 250 points. Disappointing, but I guess you're not hopeless quite yet.

Comments:

"Why do I actually feel some disappointment that my score is so low?" I asked myself.

"Because you're an idiot." She said.

"You just had to say it." I said, burying my head in my hands as I went to sleep. I slept peacefully that night, possibly with pain as my lullaby.


	19. First Step Last: World Line Convergence

I love the sky, but the conversation right now had so many places for me to facepalm that I just facepalmed at the beginning and kept my eyes on my palms, even with the beautiful blue sky in front of me.

_So in other words, I've been throwing off full-blooded attacks when everyone else was taking it easy. Then they ramp up their own power level to defend against me. _I asked the voice.

_Yes, exactly._ It responded. _I was wondering why you kept asking for power levels when you could have actually used danmaku._

_And it took you this long to figure it out? _I asked.

_Hey, you wouldn't believe how many people fall in here and need to get out._ She said. _Remember how I'm not available most of the time? _

_Oh, sorry._ I said. I hadn't seen many people from the outside in here. _So in effect, because I looked like I could fight for myself, we're taking what should have been the first step last._

_Yes, we are._ She said. _Off to the Hakurei Shrine!_

_Are you sure you don't just want to see your girlfrie—HEY BE CAREFUL WITH THAT!_ I yelled. She let me see that she had a voodoo doll of me, and with her power it would be easy to inflict any injury that was inflicted on it onto me.

_Now, what did I say about being impolite?_

_Alright, alright, I'm sorry!_ I yelled, clapping my hands together. Looking down at the ground, I saw that we were already at the shrine. Seeing this too, she showed me as she tossed the doll up and onto the floor. My eyes followed what was to become my trajectory.

"Oh crap."

That was all I managed to say before I was sent into an enforced drop, straight down at the ground. Spinning at a dizzying speed, I couldn't even keep my eyes anywhere but straight forward as I spiraled down. The ground came up very, very quickly. I rolled myself up into a ball, fearing the worst.

I let out a scream. Considering that I had just hit the ground from an uncontrolled descent, I would think that there would have been more pain, but I guess the voodoo doll landed on something soft.

_Aww~ I missed the table._ She actually sounded disappointed that I had not been crushed like a melon.

_Shut up._

I picked myself up off the ground and looked up. The stairs were in front of the shrine.

_No flying. You're going up the old-fashioned way or else._

_No way! What could you possibly!?_ She showed me the voodoo doll again.

_Yes'm._

I gazed up at the hundreds of steps. I wondered whether anyone could possibly climb these stairs every day.

"So we meet again, stairs." I said. "But this time, I am stronger! I will conquer you now!"

Screaming that into the sky, I rushed up the steps to the shrine. My legs slammed into the stone over and over again, feeling the burn in my muscles. After a while each step began to feel like climbing a cliff, my mind forcing my body to move up to the next step.

I reached the top. Panting, sweating, and doubled over on the floor, but I reached the top. I couldn't walk for a bit, being so tired that I could break.

"Hey, lazy delivery boy, get up!" The shrine maiden called from inside the shrine. She probably couldn't be bothered to leave. "I know you can pick yourself up, so get up!"

I dragged myself to my feet and stood, putting one hand on the torii gate to make sure I didn't fall over. I used my left hand to flash a peace sign. She raised a handful of ofuda to her shoulder, the three menacing slips of paper very clearly defined against the wooden shrine. "Danmaku's just focusing energy, so I guess learning by doing will be best."

_So the playacting's begun._ I thought. "Shall we dance?" I asked. My legs were already ready to kick off of the ground. I sucked in a breath, ready to kick off.

"That's the only reason you're here." She said, lazily tossing the ofuda. Despite her lazy, languid movements, the ofuda moved at an insane speed, cutting through the air like miniature fighter jets. Barely being able to see them, I kicked off the ground, with the strangely wonderful feeling of being thrown up. She already had the next handful of ofuda ready.

"Remind me again why we're only doing this now, in the middle of the summer heat?" She asked me. "I could have taught you how to do this long ago." I leveled out, bringing myself to a standing position.

"Oh, you've lived here longer than I have." I said. "You should know there's no sense or order to this place." She smiled, as if happy that someone finally agreed with her. Pulling out another set of ofuda, which filled up both her hands, and then summoning a few of her signature amulets around her feet, she called out.

"I'll go easy on you 'coz it's your first time." I smiled, almost laughed at the suggestion. I could almost hear the sarcasm in her voice.

"No thanks." I said, my face moving a bit. "Consider it repentance for all the people I've beaten up until now." She laughed out loud.

"You crazy outsider." She said. But as she said this the ofuda flew forward at a speed I could barely comprehend. "You should know your place!" She threw the words out, releasing her deadly hunting dogs, the Hakurei amulets. As the small flock of ofuda approached I immediately reacted, throwing myself to the left, towards the torii gate. The ofuda were of no concern as I rushed towards the red wooden bars.

"Aren't you going to shoot back?" She asked, tossing ofuda my way.

"Give me just a second." I returned, throwing my gaze back at the wood that made the torii gate. The red bars stared at me, as if telling me that I would not pass.

_It's all just fancy flying._ I thought. I pulled my waist in, spinning in midair. I felt my muscles twist in strange directions, the slight pain making me bite my lip. I closed my eyes as the red gates drew closer. This would be my chance.

I threw out my left hand. Opening my eyes, I saw that I would be able to grab the pillar of the gate. The ofuda and amulets were certainly behind me, and I could sense my opponent there too. _Perfect._ I thought. I didn't pull back my hand, instead tensing it for the impact that was about to come. I closed my eyes again and took a deep breath. I knew that this would be the decisive moment, the one time where I could turn this fight from a one-sided beating into a real battle. The instincts I had learned taught me that much.

So why had time slowed down to a crawl, why could I not move myself, and why did I get the feeling that I was hanging in midair? I had a plan ready, a counter that could potentially tip the balance of the fight and carry me to victory, or at least a good show before I go down. So why did I stop?

Why could I not simply grab the gate's pillar and toss myself into my opponent? Getting up close and personal had always been my advantage, so why could I not do it?

_That's because you haven't decided yet. _

Again I was in the totally dark room, somewhere I hypothesized was the center of my mind. The familiar dream in the middle of the night had returned.

"The Voice" was back. But now my eyes were open, resting on a 5'7" kid with black hair and pimples, white skin and a lazy, wide, who-cares kind of face, which was right now twisted into a sadistic smile, the kind that they had in movies where the bad guy would simply smile.

"What the hell!?" I screamed at him. "You know just as well as I do that you want to fight, so let's go out and do this!" I yelled at myself, which was actually a strange thing to do.

"Then quit shouting." It was pretty weird to hear my own voice, making fun of me no less. "And decide."

"Don't fuck with me." I told myself this. "Just let me back out there to fight!"

"Listen, the way you're going you're going to get yourself killed." He told me, or rather, I told me. "You have to know your limits." At this I completely lost it.

**And I thought for a second you were me. I actually believed it. **My voice had taken on a darker, harsher tone. This was not the voice I used for hi's and hellos, this was not the voice with which I screamed or raged at others.

This was the voice I took when I was well and truly pissed off, a low, monotonous sort of thing that barely ever happened. It was a voice full of spits and hisses, all to clearly articulate my anger.

**My whole life up to this point has been to ****_break _****the limits. **Admonishing my elf, I continued. **I want to be ****_more!_**** I want to ****_live! You _****of all people should understand that! To fight, to be free of the shackles that tie me down, to live as I please, that was the plan, right!? **Losing my composure, I began to plead at myself. **To go and just do… that was the plan! So why aren't you letting me!?** I yelled. Before I could stop myself the knife was in my hand, and without a second thought it sailed straight for the demon that spoke with my face. He merely smiled as the knife bore down on him with pure killing intent.

And he let the knife slam into the side of his neck. He seemed barely troubled by the three-inch blade slicing arteries and throat alike. He looked disdainfully at the fountain of blood that squirted out of his jugular, as if merely brushing away dirt. At this I could only stare.

"Nothing but a child." He said, not even looking at me. He turned up, or towards wherever up was. "To try to have it all without sacrificing anything, indeed, you are a spoiled child." The voice told me. "The world does not need a greedy baby such as yourself."

At this I lost it completely and began to yell, screaming in a voice I didn't even know people could reach.

**I just want to make a difference! I just want to be satisfied with life when I go! **Even as the yelling ripped my throat apart, I continued**. Is that so much to ask!?**

"Yes, it is." The voice told me. It was a clear and cold pronouncement, an utter rejection of my being. A voice far too cold and calm to have come out of a bloodied, eviscerated throat, which continued to run red with blood. A small puddle of black formed on the floor. "It's far too much to ask for the you that exists now."

**Then tell me what I need to do!**

"That is for you and you alone to decide." The Voice, with my form, disappeared, leaving a small, white light. "With this, your only asset."

**WAIT! **I screamed, but he was already gone.

Already gone, leaving nothing behind but a small, white light. I approached it and took the shape in my hands.

It was a pen. An expensive one, half-silver and the other half sky-blue. It was heavy, loaded with black ink as I knew well, and was extremely smooth and shiny. In the outside world, it would have been recognized as a Parker pen.

But the part that struck closest was the name engraved on the top of the pen, right next to the protrusion common to all pens that let it hang uncomfortably from the pocket.

_To my grandson, _

_Victor Hunter._

I was at a loss for words. It was the pen that I had lost long ago. Perhaps it was carelessness or perhaps it was a decision that this pen was too heavy to carry around, but the sign of my grandmother's loving support had left me. She had always been ready to help, no matter where or when I needed it.

And the pen that was the sign of her love had been lost, thrown away like so many others. Damn the fact that it was expensive and heavy. I realized the true significance of this action now.

_It was that I had never valued anyone. But why was that? Looking at my actions, other people had always been the priority! Why was I getting this pen, a sign of my lack of regard!?_

I turned the pen over. And then I suddenly remembered why I had thrown it away. The gold inscription on the silver surface reminded me of it all.

_Take care of yourself._

I had thought at the time: _I can't help others until I am ready myself._ And so I had thrown the pen away. A simple step, something most people would merely think as weird.

But now I saw it. In my rush to concern myself with others, I had forgotten how to take care of myself. As such, when there were no others to help I had nothing to hold on to.

_Now I see…_ I thought, and clenched my hand around the pen. _Thanks for the F, me. _I said, knowing that my other side could hear my thoughts. _It's time to hit the books!_

Everything was still moving in slow motion. I felt like the plan was proceeding perfectly, my hand outstretched and my opponent behind. The only difference was the pen I had in my hand.

"Alright." I said. "Let's do this." My left hand shot out, grasping the torii gate and almost splintering the wood with the force of my hand. Clenching every muscle in my arm, I pulled as hard as I could, hurling my body between the red bars.

_Now, visualize the form you wish your attack to take._ My right hand formed around the object the pen formed itself into. Swinging around, feeling the wind on my face as I raised the object up to my eye level, I finally recognized the sleek, black item that had almost fallen into my hands.

_Behold. This is the strength of your being._

It was an M1911A1. The classic Colt .45 caliber pistol that had been carried by army men for half a century. Being a gun that I knew was pure energy, it had no weight and no load, and I doubted such a weapon would hurt ayone. Nevertheless, I pulled the trigger without hesitation. Out from it sprang a small wave of bullets, accompanied by the cracking explosive that were a natural consequence of gunfire. My opponent, as if she had survived many, many firefights before taking me on, expertly spun, my bullets not even leaving tears in her clothes. Out of her spin ten ofuda sprung, forcing me to quickly dodge as she recovered.

"Well, you learn quick, I'll give you that much." She said. I didn't nod or react, instead refocusing the energy that made up the pistol. Looking down, I saw the weapon become the standard submachinegun of years past, the MP5 Heckler and Koch. I looked back up at her.

This time there was nothing but the realization that she was my enemy. I lifted the gun to my hip. Her amulets were already chasing me.

I cut my flying powers and fired, the gun spitting fire and a wall of sound. The instantaneous fall shocked both her and the amulets for a moment, giving her and them no time to react to my sudden movement. Reactivating my flight powers and praying to go left, I felt as if a rope had yanked me to the side, sending me hurtling back across the torii gates into the main area of the shrine. With the gun in my right hand, I continued to fire out nonlethal bullets at the miko.

And then a wall of ofuda appeared from every was no contest. I desummoned the weapon, allowing the energy to fade away.

"You're getting good." She said, casually approaching, as if I was a youkai trapped in a cage. "Well done."

"Well done, huh?" I asked her. "Considering I wasn't even worth a single card, not enough." Without even waiting for a reply, I kicked off into the blazing hot afternoon. At the very least she was nice enough not to give me a second look as I left.

_So I guess even here, I'm a worthless piece of flesh. _I thought. _This settles it, there's nowhere for me._

Days when he would sit around, doing nothing productive and feeling nothing at all. Meaningless days spent learning at school, for a future he knew would probably never come.

Days as he lazed at home, wondering where and when his life would take him, and whether it could all just end the next day.

Days when meaningless entertainment had kept his mind away from those thoughts.

Those were the days this adventure into Gensokyo had interrupted. Yet, he slowly discovered that even here, his life was the same.

_Day in, day out, I fight and deliver. But for what? _

His life had again stagnated. He was the kind of person who wished to do something, but he never ended in that position. The kind of person who was always on the sidelines, hiding in the back and waiting. That was what he was.

He was the kind of person one would call a "wallflower".

_There's nothing left here for me. I need to either go home or I need to die. _He thought to himself. _There's nothing anywhere for me._

Looking down through the trees outside Mayohiga, he noticed the practiced movement of men with a purpose. Without realizing it, he had already dropped onto the ground and was leaning against a tree. He looked past the tree trunk, where a pair of men stood guard.

They were tall, over six feet in height. Strangely enough they were both carrying the very modern P90 Personal Defense Weapon, and coated head to toe in black Special Operations gear. He pricked up his ears in order to understand their conversation.

At first nothing but a string of sharp consonants and barely audible vowels was all he heard, but slowly the words coalesced into a language he could understand.

"…the entrance has to be secured." The man on the right told his partner. His voice was on the deep side, but holding a piano-like musical quality. "Remember, our opponents are as devious as they are old, and they've been around half a millennium."

"And the two we have at headquarters needed to complete the mission?" His partner asked. "I would think that the threat to them would be on this side rather than back there."

"Anyone back there only knows them as prisoners. Nothing else." The first man said.

"That's true." The second man said, and they returned to their guard. "I just hope the guys come back from the Scarlet Devil mansion quick. I don't like this place."

"I don't like it either." The first guy said. "It's a bad feeling, like we don't belong here."

Taking in this whole conversation, Victor Hunter began to refocus the energy into his hands into an assault rifle. The result, the sleek, black, futuristic assault rifle known as the G36C, was more than satisfactory.

"Dying for something on the point of your sword is better than dying for nothing of old age." He told himself, loading and prepping the sleek black rifle with the clear magazine, the brass bullet casings lined up neatly, ready for war. "It's time to pay back that vampire for the tea and that librarian for the books."

_Come to think of it, why am I even doing this?_

He cocked the rifle and put the stock to his shoulder, the way he had seen in too many video games to forget the motion.

_Do I just want to help someone? Do I just need a release?_

He ran his hand down the barrel of the gun, checking it again. Seeing nothing wrong, he raised the stock to his shoulder.

_Or is that just me?_

He rounded the corner before he realized one important thing.

_I'm not moving my body to the commands of my mind. I'm moving my body to the commands of my belief._

Right now, he believed he was a soldier who would fight because he had nothing left; a person who had nothing but the choice he made.

The kind of person who ends up either saving the world or killing it.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, let's get this show on the road!" The shout called the attention of the two men in Special Operations, followed by the explosions of gunfire, which cut them down with a small hail of nonlethal white light. They went down, unconscious, before they could even react. Victor Hunter heard the voices of the other men in the forest, all calling to rush back to the "entrance".

_Special forces training won't do a thing against an opponent who doesn't obey common sense!_

To his left he heard a man step through the trees. Quickly floating to the left, he pulled the trigger on seeing the black-clad man in the depths of the forest, unleashing a ripping sound that cut through the chatter in the air. The rapidly moving bullets of light crashed against his dark silhouette, sending him into the ground.

_There's the first._ The delivery boy said, licking his lips. _Who's next!?_

Another man was already running towards the tiny clearing around the entrance, his footsteps picked out by the hunter's adept hearing.

_Ah, more sheep to the slaughter._ He thought as he heard two squads of five make their way towards his location. They had grouped up in hopes of keeping alive. He grinned as he saw the events in his mind's eye, the events leading up to his opponent's inevitable defeat.

"Come then, all of you!" The delusional shooter yelled. "Come and kill yourselves in the jaws of the wolf!" He threw his head back and laughed as the third man appeared. He went down in a quick burst. The boy ran through the trees, firing at the black-clad soldiers as he went.

And as if to deny reality, he continued to laugh. He felt rain on his hair, the little drops quickly escalating into sheets. His teeth shined, mouth a gaping wide hole through which his teeth reflected every shade of bloodlust as he fired another burst into the bushes.

At this time most of Gensokyo's residents would be in their homes drinking their morning tea peacefully, the red-white miko probably among them.

With the sound of gunfire covered by the driving rain, they would continue to do so.

_World line convergence complete. The game of possibilities begins now._


	20. The Final Arrival

GSG9 had been expecting an outcome like this, and just in case they had placed a "reaction group" of ten at the entrance of the portal. This group, having been warned of the approaching enemy, already had their guns trained at the portal door, holding their breath, prepared for anything that came through. Each man knew his field of fire and knew his squadmates' fields as well. If anyone were to enter the space around the portal they would be quickly covered in bullet holes.

However, the monster that was once Victor Hunter was completely aware of this, yet he charged in anyway, even with the prospect of two hundred rounds being very quickly and precisely emptied into the space where he would be, which would be very painful to say the least of it. As he broke out of the tunnel, that prophecy came true, the roar of the guns deafening. Miraculously, he was not hit as he slammed his body into the wall twenty meters to the left, a distance he covered in a second. The firing followed his path, bullets slamming into the concrete pillar he had taken refuge behind. The G36C had already been reloaded in his hands, and he poured out the counterfire. As he threw himself back to the wall to reload, the voice in his head chose this time to reappear.

_Did you miss me?_ The voice asked. He didn't reply.

He took the ribbon off and tossed it into the air. The dark object grabbed the soldiers' attention, and they shoot pointlessly at the piece of cloth.

The beautiful satin ribbon was shot to pieces, the torn, broken, and burned cloth fragments being flung into the air, flying like so much confetti. It took the soldiers time to recognize their mistake, and they turned their attention back to the alcove and saw nothing. Suddenly, the sound of gunfire roared again, and they looked up at their opponent.

Magical spears, the exact same as the white projectiles that had come before. However, those were bullets, while these were spears. Long and black javelins, manifestations of pure killing intent created by a child with nothing but thought. The menacing points, honed to a razor sharpness, crashed through the air, through the Kevlar protection they wore, and straight into the bodies of GSG9.

And they pierced hearts, heads, arms, ribs, and legs, popping blood vessels, piercing skulls, ripping apart muscle, and snapping ribs like twigs. Each spear was fired with pure killing intent, immediately and painlessly taking the life of each victim.

The shooter, the delusional delivery boy, said and thought nothing, staring straight at the bodies impaled in the worst ways. The blood had only now begun to form puddles under the spears, turning the floor into a small collection of lakes of blood.

His eyes betrayed nothing as he stared at the bodies. Pulling his arms out of his sleeves, he tossed the jacket he was wearing into the steadily growing sea of blood. It flapped bout in the air for some time, giving him the chance to grab it. The jet-black leather was quickly tainted red. The white characters and designs on the back were soon lost in the color of red blood, leaving no evidence that the jacket was ever any color besides red.

But his eyes betrayed nothing as he turned away. As if on cue, klaxons and alarms began to wail, calling for help for those who had just lost their lives. The boy who had thrown the jacket turned towards the door. He could sense the people rushing to the door, ready to enter the room at any moment.

He conjured two knives made out of darkness, or rather, a black mass that allowed no light out. Taking a step forward, the two men closest to the door immediately opened fire. He ducked and rushed forward, plunging the two knives into the men. The feeling of piercing flesh, which was once such a disturbance and later such a pleasure, now didn't even register with the killing machine. Seeing that the man on the left was about to shoot as his last jerk before death, he pulled back, dragging the man to the right with him in order to kill those behind him with friendly fire. Behind him were actually four men, all now running for the alcoves in the walls on both sides.

The roar of gunfire cried out again, painting the walls in a gory hieroglyphic pattern made out of assorted blood and body matter. Taking the gun from the man on the right, the boy wasted no time in directing it towards the other direction and giving it similar treatment before turning around and throwing the gun away, replacing it with another dagger made out of his killing intent. On a whim, he decided to go to the left, following the sign that said: "Prisoner's Block A." The klaxons continued to yell for help, any sort of help, to come to his sector.

Tristran Vagner had not been expecting something like this very soon. He had not even known that anything was happening in the basement until all the alarms went off, potentially deafening anyone within range. Now, sweating and in full battle gear, weapon and all, he ran towards the basement's secret room, which was the source of the disturbance. His squad, who had just been coming back from a training exercise, went straight into combat mode, something they had been in just an hour ago. The adrenaline was still fresh in their veins, and it pushed them to their peak.

They flew, almost as if they were floating above the floor, pushed on by the sounds of boots on concrete and not by actual legs. Finally, they reached the landing, and the door that separated the east wing from the west wing of the building. They were the first ones in, and they took positions around the door, ready to attack. Their guns were trained on the door, every nerve in their eyes straining to sense the smallest movement.

They heard footsteps from the other side and steadied their rifles. The footsteps grew louder, even as they kept a regular and calm time, as if there was no crisis at all. They had no doubts that the next thing to come through that door would be their target, and that was that. The footsteps stopped. Whatever was on the other end of that door would soon be on the receiving end of hundreds of little lead bullets, each of which would rip through flesh and bone with ease.

The door opened. The lights were on in the corridor, and the boy, covered in blood, stood, cradling a submachine gun in his arms.

Without hesitation ten fingers squeezed ten triggers, quickly emptying three hundred rounds of ammunition into the small space that was the door.

It was instant. Everybody saw that the bullets entered the boy's body. Later, during the investigation, it was revealed that out of all of the bullets fired, none of them were found in the walls or the door. Three hundred bullets had entered the boy's body, ripping apart organs, muscles, blood vessels, breaking bones, shredding flesh, and throwing blood all over the walls. After the barrage, the ones who were closer lowered their guns, slowly approaching the still-standing corpse. Tristran himself stayed back. His instincts told him there was something very wrong with this setup. He looked at the body again.

_I swear, it seems almost as if he's faking…_

"This is just great; looks like I can't even give myself permission to die. And damn does this hurt!" That one statement in English certainly could be understood by the multilingual special forces men.

However, it was not the words themselves that were surprising, it was the source.

The boy who had had his innards turned into the inside of a sausage factory by bullets.

The boy who looked as if his body would fall apart from the bullet wounds was standing up. Even though his neck had been shot twice, somehow his vocal chords were still functioning, and his nerves were still connected.

The special forces men stood there in shock as the boy stood up. He looked around at the men, still as statues, and said only one thing.

"Judging from the setup, I'm the monster and you're the meat. So just lay down and die, why don't you?"

Magical spears appeared right through the men, the energy appearing and immediately exploding inside of them, coating the walls with blood and organs to match the corridors he had already painted with bodies. Tatters of clothing flew everywhere, ripped to shreds by the force of the magical attacks. These tatters had been launched into the air, fluttering in the wind.

But the only thing that descended was complete silence. There was no reaction from the boy, as he was completely numb. He walked as a man with his strings cut, mechanically putting one foot in front of the other. In this deadly silence he advanced. The prison door for the two girls was right ahead of him, third on the right.

He turned to the right and unhesitatingly kicked down the door. The two of them were there, lying on their bunk beds, dead asleep.

"You deal with them." He said to the air, as if there was someone there. He turned back to the corridor, no sense of achievement lifting his gaze from the floor. "Now, is there anyone else that needs help before I go?" He asked the air again.

He saw it in his mind.

The red corridors of the mansion he had only been in once. His eyes immediately fixated on two figures slumped onto the floor, next to the wall. One of them was holding the other as if to shield it, while the other seemed unmoving; unconscious. He looked at it again.

A boy holding a small blonde girl in his arms. He recognized the girl as the vampire that he had already met outside the mansion, but the boy he didn't know. The girl looked like she had exhausted herself and had been left unconscious, while the boy was holding her tight and, as he could see, attempting to pull out what little power he had. The boy was a little chubby, his teenage frame dwarfing the little girl as they slumped against the wall.

Until he looked to the left he did not understand why they acted as if these were their last moments, but as soon as he did, he understood completely.

On the other end of the corridor a man had already pulled an Ingram MAC-10 on them. The gun carried far more rounds than anything he had ever seen, and the spray was uncontrollable. Without a doubt, both of them would die. He could tell right off from the flawless uniform and the steady hold the man had on his gun that he was a professional, and that those two would die. Those two who still looked like innocent children, and whom he would swear were already a couple any day.

He screamed into himself, even if he knew it would never come true.

"I want to save them."

"I will save them."

"They will not die."

He kicked off from the floor, and the familiar sensation of flight returned, but stronger than ever before. The wind tore at him, and he was surprised that it hadn't cut him in half yet. He was surprised his shoulders were still in his sockets, his body ripped apart by bullets still functioning. It was as if he was moving instantaneously through space, the speed exceeding all that he had done so far.

_So this is what it's like…_ He thought. _This is what it's like to have enough power to defy common sense. Hey, this is what I've always dreamed I should be able to do, right? I should be happy; I can save people now!_

_This is what I wanted, right? So why do I feel as if I've gained nothing at all?_

He looked up to a perfect slow-motion view. The MAC-10 was already up, and the finger on the trigger was squeezing slowly. The boy on the ground stared wordlessly at the other man, looking down the barrel of the weapon that would soon end his life. Although ten meters separated them, there was no way that the other man would miss. He had done the honorable thing, spreading himself in front of the little girl in order to spare her from the bullets.

His cheeks twitched, pulling his lips upwards. Before he finally exited into the corridor, he had these last words.

"Lucky kid's got something to die for. Isn't that sweet?" He asked nobody in particular as his feet hit the carpeted floor between the Ingram and the cowering couple. His eyes were closed and his arms crossed over his chest, as if in a peaceful death. He could sense the shock from the boy behind him, but from the man in front there was no hesitation. He felt as if he could see the bullets exit the gun, on their trajectory towards the boy. He spread his stance and focused what was left of his power, forcing it into a sheet that would defend the boy. "Hold what you've got and don't let it go." He said, turning to smile at the child even as his body had holes ripped in it by bullets, the smile of a man who wants to pass something on.

"Listen kid, just remember this." The cheerful note that was always in his voice as he made deliveries was already back. "No matter how weak you might seem, know that protecting someone precious to you the way you just did makes you the strongest in the world." He took a breath, because the killer he was facing had stopped moving as he spoke.

_Every second of time I buy is crucial._ The mind without half a body thought. _I'll buy as many as I can, then._

"Love her. Protect her with all your heart. You don't know how lucky you are, you people who can empathize, you people who are without power." The boy said, his back turned to the boy he was lecturing. "And maybe you won't end up a lonely bachelor like me with nothing to fight for but a loving couple." He grinned wide, facing the killer. The MAC-10 was motionless as the killer seemed to consider the boy's words. "Because only if we have lived can we learn strength through feeling death."

"Is that all?" The killer in front of him asked. "Are those your last words?"

Silence.

"Very well." He said. "I thought you might be interesting, but it seems you are one of the rabble. Die, worthless scum."

The machinegun was raised into position as the delivery boy threw out his true final words.

"Don't worry, kid. Delivery's here for you, and it's been marked 'Salvation'." He said, his grin widening as he laughed at his own joke.

For the one precious moment before the bullets struck him, his right hand shot out and flashed a thumbs up. He let go of the breath he was holding, his mouth closing on itself to form a perfectly serene countenance. He didn't let himself turn around.

_I'll spare the kid the irony._

Immediately after, the bullets hit him like a sledgehammer, blowing off his entire left side with the burst. The boy's consciousness began to go white at the edges, and thoughts of the deathbed began to enter his mind. And then he realized something.

_Oh, they're still going to die._ He thought. _We'll have to make an edit to that, won't we?_

With the last of his strength, he summoned the pistol into his right hand, the M1911A1 that he had first used to shoot danmaku. The cold metal was like a tonic, forcing him to focus once more as his fingers gripped the gun. He opened his eyes, which had miraculously not been shot out even after hundreds of bullets had turned his body into the inside of a meat grinder. Somehow his nerves from the head to the right arm were completely undamaged, and his former predator and now prey was too busy reloading his Ingram to notice.

Conditions were far too perfect. But nobody said that even perfect conditions would be easy.

It felt like lifting a lead pipe as he raised his arm up, holding the weightless pistol in his hands. His eyelids felt like they were made of iron, attempting to force themselves shut before he could allow himself to die. Shaking, shivering, the sights finally lined up with the man's center mass. He seemed not to notice the "corpse" move its arm into position to shoot him with a gun that wasn't there before but was now.

He closed his eyes. At the same moment his fingers clenched to pull the trigger. He felt his back hit the floor and his head, he knew, was soon to follow.

He wasn't awake long enough to hear the roar of his pistol through the air. He wasn't awake long enough to see the killing machine fall on his face, bleeding from a shot straight to the gut.

And the part that would have pissed him off the most would have been that he wasn't awake long enough to find out what happened and make up for his sins.

_Now come on, you time-stopping maid, get your knives over here and finish that guy off, otherwise my point about allies won't get through. And the little sister is gonna die._

The bottom of the delivery boy's skull fractured on the hardwood floor, but that was the least of his problems. Compared to having his internal organs so full of bullets that he might be called a lead-based organism, besides having lost over 70% of his body's blood supply along with the immense amount of bodily fluids leaked and the sheer number of bones fractured or outright shattered, to name a few, the recent spiderweb cracks on the back of his skull were the least of his problems.

_World Line has been stabilized. The entropic factor causing massive deviations in the laws of physics and reality has been removed. The World Line will now be collapsed and condense back into the original world line with modifications being made from the point of deviation._

I opened my eyes. The same acoustic tiles I had fallen asleep watching were right there above me. Turning to my left and right, my classmates, my class, everything was familiar and the same as I had left it.

"How long was I asleep?" I asked my friend sitting next to me. He turned from the discussion and smiled.

"Are you kidding? You, go to sleep?" He asked cheerfully. "Those are apocalypse-level odds."

Now that I thought about it, it was completely stupid. I had only been staring up at the acoustic tiles since the period had started. I smiled back at him.

"Damn straight, and don't you forget it." I said.

I would wonder why I thought I was asleep, and eventually I would forget about it, looking back on it sometimes as a time when I was really stupid, giving my friends a good laugh about the times when I "slept with my eyes wide open". And this from the guy who never, ever sleeps in class.

But I'm sure something happened in that time. I can't put my finger on just what, but something happened to make me want to write, even if just to fill that hole in my time. I don't care if it's real or not, and it probably isn't, it's just a matter of personal satisfaction to me. And so here it is, my chronicle and my testimony.

I am so damn selfish.

And there's only one way to deal with a person who's that selfish.

The wind. The lack of a ceiling above me. The sun, beating down on my skin and hair as I stood.

The people, the cars, all of the things that daily life had for me, all of them were nothing but little splashes of color against the backdrop of the black ribbons of road that snaked between the amazingly colorful roofs of the city. I had never really appreciated how good daily life looked to an eye in the sky.

A cheerful palette of colors that constantly changed, moved, and made noise, like a living artwork that rearranged itself at its own pleasure while retaining its artistic beauty. The noises and sounds all seemed so far away yet easily audible, as if tempting me back down onto the ground.

_I'm sorry to disturb your normal life, but you don't know of my crimes._

But I took a step forward, knowing exactly what needed to be done. The edge of the building loomed in front of me, immediately giving way to the sharp clarity of my actual vision, the road, cars, and my just-dismissed friends with me.

_You don't know how badly I need to do this._

I took a step towards the end of the building, passing a cooling fan. Inside no doubt someone was enjoying the cold while up here all it released was heat.

_It's funny that I can only appreciate life right now. All the trouble I've ever had seems so far away now._

I took a step forward. The edge of the building was so close now, that if I had leaned forward I would have doubtlessly fallen over the side onto the road, never to return. A single step was all that was left.

_Right when I can't stand it, too._

I took that step.

The rush of the wind was in my ears and my eyes as I experienced a sensation that I had not known for a long time, burning itself into the very short time for memories that I had left. I think my eyes got wet but I didn't know, as I felt my entire body push upwards.

_Funny how the one thing that everyone's so afraid of feels the damn best._

Although his skull had not yet cracked as it would, his heart had not yet stopped beating as it would, his blood had not spilled as it would, and the school was not yet as shocked as it would be in minutes, Victor Hunter had already died before he hit the pavement.

He had removed himself from normal life and common sense, and he had gone too "far" to ever return. Even had he not decided to kill himself, the distance was impossible.

Even if it was just a dream, he had felt men's blood on his hands. He killed without remorse or mercy, only feeling the death inside when he finally regained himself. In that short time he traveled the full distance between an outgoing student to a ruthless killer. When he had returned to the world nothing had seemed real or relevant. Accepting death, he charged in front of the couple he knew nothing of, seeking death.

This was just finishing the job.

In effect, making the delivery he had ordered for himself.


	21. Death Record 387

"Another inconclusive story done." I said to myself, finishing the writing on the empty book with a flourish and putting down my pen, and putting on it my signature.

_Death Record #387_

_Delivery's Here!_

_~ Xylouris Trigger_

I closed the formerly empty notebook and leaned back, reveling in a job well done. I looked over at my current guest, who was soon to be sent back into the swirling morass that is the center of the universe, that vital place that is both the source and the end of all life.

He was in pieces, beaten as if falling from a huge height. Not surprising, as he had just declared his cause of death as suicide by dying.

"That wasn't tragedy, my friend. You underestimate the forces arrayed against you." I said, in response to the question he had asked me before he had told this story. "Fate itself conspired to kill you, or at least turn you into a nuisance. A tragedy is where a man dies due to his own greatest strength becoming his greatest flaw."

He nodded, wordless, unmoving. It was perfectly natural for him to feel that way, but he couldn't go into the next life like this. He would end up just as depressed and hopeless as he was today. In fact, I got the distinct impression that he was only doing this because he thought that he would no longer exist, that he would disappear.

_Although technically true… his memories will impel whomever inherits them, and destiny will follow. In over to avoid that…_

The answer was simple. I needed to give him hope.

Imagine a knight, someone who holds honor and control of their own actions, priding himself on his strength and glory. Imagine that he is glorious, decorated in many battles and hero to many villages. Imagine then that the knight stumbles upon a secret. He discovers that his travels, his victories, his battle honors earned through deceit and treachery he knew naught about, his heroism only a product of chance and luck.

Such a person, who placed such pride in their own capability and strength, would be devastated to find that out, and would wish that they could never exist again, such would be their shame. But shame would not be all there was.

They would see themselves as too weak to exist, and therefore doomed to die.

That was the nature of the challenge I was facing right now.

I looked over at him, but he moved not a muscle. His entire body seemed to be asking "Can I go across yet?", his eyes and hands moving impatiently. In response, I did the only thing I knew how to do.

I got tea. I went to the small kitchen that I kept, took the boiling water off the pot, sprinkled some leaves in a cup, then poured in the boiling water. Carefully walking back to the table, I put it in front of him.

He said nothing.

I sat down across from him and stared at him. He stared back, his silent stare telling me to _let him pass._

"You know, the longer we do this, the longer you'll have to stay here. It may not look like it, but I can wait forever." I said, taunting him with my eyes. He said nothing, but I thought I saw his eyes open wider a bit, his nostrils flaring in anger.

I knew that I had him. This would work.

"So, this is what you really are. The kind of person who would stare down someone who would do you a favor before you are sent back into the world. Distasteful." I said.

The entire response was calculated. I was attempting to stir up some passion in him, that I might redirect it to something more productive. It was a maneuver I had not been used to, but one learns quick when learning on the job. And indeed, like some magic words, it worked.

"I don't see what kind of favor you could be doing me, denying a dead man his peace." My guest said, spitting the words out. "Just let me go."

"No." I said. "Not until you stop being blind." I said.

"Blind? I know exactly what I am." He said, looking at me with his arms crossed, anger on full display. All I needed to do was to stoke the fire.

"That you may, but you do not seem to know what it means to live." I said, crossing my own arms in a calculated defiance.

"Shut up!" He yelled, slamming a hand on the table so hard I was afraid he would upset the tea cup. "People have been trying to do that for generations, so how the hell would you know!?"

"Precisely the proof I have that you don't know anything." I said. I knew, from the story that he had told me, that I had him. Victor Hunter was a man of pride, the kind of person who would never allow such an insult to come to him, especially because it came from an intellectual standpoint.

Despite what he might say about himself, his classmates considered him smart, and although he protested that it was false, there was still truth to their words. Perhaps, there was more truth than he himself realized.

"Alright." He said, his voice going up in anger. "Then tell me what living is." He said, perfectly calm and reasonable now.

"What is the purpose of a berserker, a mad warrior who only rushes forward without care for his own life and limb? A linebreaker, using a combination of psychological warfare and ferocity to carry the day." I said. "What is the purpose of a knife, a sharp tool with a grip that uses the natural leverage of the human hand and wrist? To cut and thrust, despite some people who may have thrown them." I said.

"And so?" He asked, impatient but nodding. He accepted my points, which was good. The first part of any good argument has even your opponents nodding their heads.

"Such are people." I said. "They move forward on the axis of time, never looking back, always marching forward. Time waits for no man." I took a sip out of the glass of water in front of me. "And time leaves behind no traces."

"So what?" He asked. "I'm moving forward, but you're the one stopping me! That portal is both the beginning and the end, and right now my life has reached its end!"

"No." I interjected. "You still carry guilt. Remove it, and I shall let you through."

"Idiot." He said. "You're an idiot, you know that?" He asked, his voice returning to its impatient level and about to overflow. "Do you know what I've done!? I changed a world to my whims, without even letting the people have a say! I've made them lose fights, do stupid things and turned them into my twisted perversions of themselves!" He screamed, hysterical. He took a few breaths, as he wasn't the kind of person who liked to say things hysterically. Calming himself, he continued in an almost-cheerful and sanguine tone, but of the hollow kind that reminded you that it was all self-derision.

"One of the worst things a person could do is to force another to change. I did that on a grand scale, using the world as my toy." He said. "How can I even begin to forgive myself for that?" He buried his face in his hands as his anger turned to sorrow, the true reason behind his actions.

Only now could I begin the change. I stood up and put my hand on his shoulder.

"Child, I have lived longer than you and I can see things." I said. "I can tell you, right now, that nothing has changed." I said, and I held out my hand, which was covered in a fog of white, as one might perceive a cloud from the ground. To me, it was simply a cloud, plus a spell that I was casting.

But as I saw his eyes fixate upon the cloud in my hand I knew that I had him. For me, the spell would show absolutely nothing. After all, I was never the target.

He, however, would be seeing how he had had no effect on the world, the ways in which his wrongs had no effect, the way in which he disappeared from the memories of the world he believed he wronged. He would see the myriad ways in which the things he had tangled were untangled, the ways in which the problems he believed he caused just disappeared.

"Now comes the hard part. One of the people of that world is extremely powerful, and she expended a lot of effort to fix your mistakes." I said, as he finally looked away from my hand. "Don't let her efforts go to waste. Forget the past and face the future." I declared this as he sat down, eyes boring a hole in the floor as he went to think.

I stood up and took my notebook. I had done all that I could.

I left him now for my private study, as I knew that there was no doubt that when I came back he would be gone.

I also had someone I needed to talk to. Entering my study, with the rows and rows of shelves and books that were in it, I slid the notebook I had just filled up into the empty space farthest from the entrance. This was quite the mysterious library, as whenever I thought that I would fill up a shelf the place seemed to grow by a bit, perhaps to accommodate the stories of the newly-deceased beside legends long-forgotten.

I looked back to the door, and there she was, resplendent in purple and her blonde hair pulled back a bit, looking effortlessly glamorous. At least, that was how I would describe her if she had been in a Death Record.

I knew from experience, however, that she was far from effortless or glamorous. I went straight to business.

"I showed it to him, just as you planned." I said, as a vorpal sucking noise could be heard throughout the house. I smiled. "Looks like it worked perfectly."

She smiled, probably relieved that one of her plans had gone off so effortlessly. She said nothing, sensing that I wanted to go on.

"One question, though. Is what I showed him true, or is it just something you cooked up?" I asked.

"You slow little boy." She said, brushing a few errant strands of hair back. "You should know that there are things beyond your scope of understanding."

I shrugged. "Call it a side effect of the job." I said. "I get really, really curious."

She smiled, a fleeting expression, as if she was remembering someone. Even if it was only a moment, I knew it had been there. In the next second she regained her composure, her purple tear in reality opened up behind her, the red eyes staring out of it, and I distinctly felt their penetrating gaze, which struck into my very soul. Playfully, she left me with one last phrase.

"If you're so curious, find out for yourself~!" After this, she leaned back, and then she was gone.

I sighed. After all, as I had told the boy myself, "forget the past and face the future". If nothing remained of what had happened, then nothing remains to matter to the future.

I shuffled back to my foyer, ready to let in the next guest, who was already ringing the bell for the door. It was a polite yet insistent sort of ringing, both soft and persistent.

"Knock knock." I said, and threw the door open.


End file.
